Aladdin, YGO Style
by straykitty
Summary: Yup, I'm at it again, turning helpless YGO character's lives into mush! This time I'm making 'em do Aladdin... Will Seto pay attention? Will Joey manage to balance on the carpet? Will Tea handle being an extra? LAST CHAPTER UUUUP!
1. Chapter 1

Drumroll, please! -drum rolls into authoress, knocking her over- Oh, ha ha. Funny one. -drumroll-

Preeeeeee-sentiiiiing!

_**Aladdin, YGO Style...**_

"Okay, where are we? Out of interest?" asked Yugi, looking around. One moment he had been cleaning the kitchen with Yami, the next he was here. 'Here', in this case, refers to a large hall with a stage on one end.

"No idea." Yami walked to one of the wooden doors and tried it. "Locked."

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed a voice, and a girl ran out of the wings followed by a giant creature that appeared to be made entirely of mushrooms. "IT WAS A JOKE! HEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEE!" she yelled, and ran behind Yugi. "Okay, not gonna work," she said, face-faulting as she watched the monster over Yugi's head. She ducked behind Yami and crouched down. "Okay, Mister "Lord of the Shadow Realm", time to live up to your claim. Like, NOW!"

Yami turned around. "Mister Lord of the Shadow Realm?" he asked.

"Don't be damn smart, just get rid of it!" said the girl, smashing her fist onto his foot.

"OUCH! Fine, I'll get rid of it!" Yami waved a hand at the monster while jumping up and down clutching his foot with the non-injured hand. The eye on his forehead lit up and the monster disappeared. "That was completely unnecessary!" he complained.

"So you say. So you guys are the only ones here, right? I didn't summon anyone else by mistake?"

"Summon? You? What do you mean, by mistake?"

"Localised summoning," said the girl, getting up and dusting herself off. "I didn't want to bring the random bystander."

"Okaaaay. Okay. So. Yes. Um. Well."

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Of course I do…"

"Sure. Listen, go sit over there, okay?"

"Why?"

Bakura and Ryou fell onto him and his light, after appearing in midair.

"Ow," came Yugi's muffled voice.

"Oh, now I see. Now, tomb robber, would you kindly get off of my stomach!"

Bakura looked down. "Is that you, Pharaoh? I thought my landing was a little spikier than it should have been." He laughed. The pharaoh's muffled voice began swearing, loudly and unintelligibly.

Ryou scrambled to his feet. "Omigosh, Yugi, are you okay?"

"Fine, if a little crumpled," said Yugi, also getting to his feet and straightening his jacket.

"Bakura, GET UP!" yelled Yami.

"As you command, your highness," said Bakura, getting up and mock-bowing at Yami. "Or should I say, your LOWness," he cackled.

"Baka," muttered Yami.

"OKAY!" yelled the girl. "Great, you're here. No unexpected arrivals? Good. Now, go sit over there. You know what'll happen if you don't!"

"Yes, marm." Yami, Yugi, Ryou and Bakura – who was dragged by Ryou – went to sit on some of the black plastic chairs, the type that appear in every single hall, worldwide, for no known reason.

"Better." The girl closed her eyes for a moment and two people fell from the ceiling. Then, a moment later, three more landed on top of them.

"OUCH! WHO EVER IS SITTING ON ME HAD BETTER GET OFF!" yelled the muffled voice of Seto Kaiba. Tea and Tristan rolled away from the group. Joey got to his feet, vindictively mimed kicking the fallen CEO and walked away, careful to stand on Seto's toes. "OUCH! DAMN YOU, MUTT!" the CEO leapt to his feet and stared at his surroundings. "Where the hell are we, incidentally?" he asked, helping his younger brother to his feet.

"Gee, I like you too. Now, no swearing, okay everyone? Not unless it's me." The girl walked towards the stage

"That's not fair," protested Yami.

"Life ain't fair, sweetie, get over it."

Yami pouted, and Bakura burst out laughing at the sight. The girl rolled her eyes, looked around, and yelped. "I forgot some people! Shhhhh… shucks." Bakura's laughter intensified. " I have ratings to think about, dammit! Yeah, so anyway, should've done this from the beginning…" There was a flash of light and the remainder of the Yu-Gi-Oh cast appeared.

"You could do that and I had to FALL on the baka pharaoh?" yelled Bakura, jolted out of his laughter. The girl shrugged, unconcerned.

"Question: where are we, and why?" asked Weevil.

"GAH! BUGBOY!" yelled the girl. "What're you doing here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever. You can be an extra." She made a note on a piece of paper that magically appeared in her hand. "Okay everyone, scripts!" she clapped her hands and a booklet of paper appeared in everyone's hands. Some booklets were thicker than others. On the front of the booklet, it said:

ALADDIN: THE MOVIE STARRING: The YGO cast 

**Aladdin:** Joseph Wheeler

**Jasmine: **Mai Valentine

**Genie:** Seto Kaiba

**Jafar: **YamiBakura

**The Sultan:** YamiYugi

**The Peddler:** Tristan Taylor

**Rajah:** Duke Devlin

**Iago:** Marik Ishtar

**Abu:** Yugi Moto

**Extras:** Mokuba Kaiba; Ishizu Ishtar; Tea Gardener; Ryou Bakura; Weevil Underwood; Other Random People.

"The Genie?" asked Kaiba, glaring at the girl. "What are you, insane?"

"You do not want me to answer that." The girl smiled at Kaiba. "Anyways, this is a humour story."

"I'm an EXTRA!" shouted Tea, storming over and stopping the conversation short.

"Yeah, and your problem is….?"

"Well… that I'm an extra." Tea looked confused.

"Really. And WHY do you assume I _care_ about your problems?"

"Er…"

"Thought so. Right, everyone come here!" The girl motioned them to the foot of the stage. They gathered there, and she pulled herself into a seated position on the edge of the stage. "Right, so, basically, I'm Kiara Pendragon, and I brought you all here to do this movie, alright? Any questions?" Kiara paused, but only for show, as she ignored Tea's waving hand and finished, "Good."

"But I have a question!" Tea pouted.

Kiara shrugged. "Do I care? No. Anyway, you're so fun to bash."

"Don't you dare try and hit me!"

"Idiot." Kiara sighed. "Okay, I've got some costumes for you… over there in that box. You can change – " a door appeared in one of the walls. " – in that room over there," Kiara continued, pointing at the door.

"Change? I don't think so. I have a job, in case you didn't notice I can't just up and leave!"

"Shut up, Kaiba. Your real lives are on a static loop. You won't be missed, trust me."

"Trust. You."

"Yes, trust, it's what friends do. Oh, never mind, it's a line from Finding Nemo."

"What, pray tell, is a finding nemo?" asked Bakura.

"It's a movie. NOW GET CHANGED!" Kiara yelled, and an invisible force dragged the YGO cast to the box.

"What's happening?" Tristan asked, trying to resist, but in effect running on the spot.

"Authoress powers. Now, hurry up, I ain't got all day."

And so, grumbling loudly, the YGO cast took their costumes and went to get changed.

But this, this was only the beginning…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own it. D'ya think I be torturing them like this if I did? I'd be all... protective. But I don't! Hurrah!

_**Chapter One**_

**_ALADDIN, YGO STYLE!_**

Tristan fell off the camel for the third time in minutes. "That does it!" he growled, pushing his turban upright. "I'm not going to even try again."

"Oh yes, you are. Even if I have to STICK you to that camel, you WILL ride the camel. It took a lot to get this camel for you to ride, so you will ride him. Simple, even for you." Kiara pointed at the camel. "Now get on. We don't have all day."

"Fine!" Grumbling, Tristan heaved himself onto the camel. "Hey, I did it! I got on!"

"Whoop-dee. Now, get on with it. WEEVIL!"

"What?"

"Are you done painting the Aladdin sign?"

"No," said Weevil sullenly. "I don't see how you can get a camel for him, but I have to paint the sign by hand!"

"What. Ever." Kiara waved a hand and the sign that said _Aladdin_ in flowing Arabic letters turned gold.

"How did you – "

"Authoress powers, I TOLD you. Now – let the show begin!"

Wobbling from side to side on his camel, Tristan rode across the sandy 'desert' that was actually the stage with huge pile of sand on it and a realistic-looking background, singing:

"_Oh I come from a land_

_From a faraway place _

_Where the caravan camels roam_

_Where it's flat and immense_

_And the heat is intense_

_It's barbaric, but what do you expect?"_

"It's HOME! It's barbaric but, hey – it's home! Get it right!" yelled Kiara, picking up a broom and whacking Tristan over the head. He fell from his camel and, muttering, got back on.

"_It's barbaric, but hey –it's home!_

_When the wind's at your back_

_And the sun's from the west_

_And the sand in the glass is left – "_

"Right!" Kiara corrected, hitting him with the broom again. This time, by some miracle, he manged to stay on his camel, and the music carried on.

"_And the sand in the glass is right_

_Come on down,_

_Stop on by_

_Hop a carpet and fly_

_To another Arabian night!_

_Arabian nights_

_Like Arabian days_

_More often than not_

_Are hotter than hot_

_In a lot of bad ways – "_

"In a lot of GOOD ways, you moron. Are you trying for a Guinness record here? Really!" sniffed Kiara, tying a water balloon behind her back.

Tristan braced himself for a hit with the broom, but as it didn't come he continued.

"_In a lot of good ways_

_Arabian nights_

_'Neath Arabian moons_

_A fool off his guard_

_Could fall and fall hard_

_Out there on the dunes."_

Tristan fell off of the camel, righted himself and, with as much dignity as he could manage, bowed. "Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. Please, please, come closer…"

Kiara, holding a camera, zoomed forward in her electronic director's chair and carelessly pushing the camera in Tristan's face.

"Too close, a little too close." Tristan pushed the camera away and Kiara retreated, grinning. "There," continued Tristan. "Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down!" As he spoke, Tristan assembled a stall around himself and unrolled a sign over the table in front of him that says 'SALE'. "Heh, heh. Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and coffee maker - also makes Julienne fries. Will not break." Tristan tapped the hookah on the front of his stall. "Will not – " The hookah falls apart. " - it broke." Tristan throws it over his shoulder and continues, ignoring Kiara's muffled giggles.

"Ooohhh! Look at this!" Tristan pulled a teddy from under the table.

Marik came crashing through the door. Kiara fell off her chair, laughing. Marik snatched the teddy from a bewildered Tristan and stormed out of the room. At the door he turned and yelled. "NOT FUNNY!" before walking out and slamming the door behind him. Kiara climbed back into her chair, wiping tears from her eyes. "Now _that_ is what you call comedy!" she giggled.

"Do you MIND?" asked Tristan impatiently.

"Carry on." Kiara waved a hand at him and resumed tying water balloons on the sly.

Tristan pulled a Tupperware from under the table. "Ooohhh! Look at this! I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen."

Tristan pried it open, and made a raspberry sound out of the corner of his mouth. "Ah, still good."

Kiara pans the camera to the right, moving her chair away from Tristan, who runs after her. "Wait, don't go!"

Kiara stops panning, and hangs just in front of Tristan.

"I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think then, you would be most rewarded to consider...this." Tristan reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a rubber duckie. "Hey, I'd wondered where that got to!" he said, throwing it over his shoulder. It landed with a loud squeak. Kiara rolled her eyes. Tristan reached into his sleeve, and pulled out the lamp. "Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts."

Kiara panned again, this one slower to left. Again, Tristan rushed to catch up, tripping over his robes. Kiara stopped, and Tristan got to his feet and continued. "This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man who, like this lamp was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the buff. Perhaps – "

"Rough, you idiot! A diamond in the ROUGH!" Kiara threw a water balloon at Tristan, soaking him. He growled, but had enough sense to continue.

"A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?"

Tristan poured shiny sand from the lamp into his hand. "It begins on a dark night…"

Tristan threw the sand into the 'sky', where it stuck to the ceiling, forming a starry nightscape. "…where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose."

* * *

REEEEEEVIEW! PLEEEEEASE!

Thanks to those who reviewed last time! You peeps ROCK! YEEEEEEHAW!

-nods- I think so too. I'm tired of people making fun of my beloved JOEY! -anime heart-eyes-


	3. Chapter 3

_Mooch! New chappie up, y'all! It really is fun to do this kind of parody... evil-authoress-make-characters-lives-a-misery fun!_

_So... to my reviwers:_

THANKS!

**_Aladdin_**

**_Ch. 3_**

YamiBakura sat on his horse, and scowled at Marik. "You are not sitting on my shoulder."

"This is not a question of wanting to." Marik risked a glance at Kiara, who was sitting and casually juggling two water balloons.

"Well, you bloody well don't fit, do you? Idiot." YamiBakura (henceforth simply 'Bakura') rolled his eyes.

"Look," began Marik nervously, but Kiara interrupted him by dropping a water balloon and shrieking with laughter as she went to get changed.

"She really is insane, you know that?"

"Gosh, I'd never noticed!" Marik growled sarcastically.

Kiara walked back into the room and looked at Marik. "Oh, I forgot." She rummaged under her director's chair and pulled out a wand. "Now, this wont hurt a bit…" she muttered, pointing the wand at Marik.

"What is that?" he asked nervously. "What does it –" the jet of pink sparks that erupted from the end of the wand cut him off. The sparks encircled him, and suddenly… he was gone.

"What the he – "

"Down here," said Marik's voice, and Bakura looked. By his feet, only a few inches tall, was Marik. "She shrunk me," he said, needlessly.

"I see. Well, now you can fit on my shoulder, I suppose." Bakura was trying to stifle his laughter.

Marik scowled. "It's not _that_ funny. Lift me onto your shoulder, so we can finish this and get it over as soon as possible.

Still laughing, Bakura put the tiny Marik on his shoulder. Kiara picked up her camera.

"Finally. ACTION!" she roared.

Bakura sat motionless for a moment, and then Mokuba rode up.

"You… are late." Bakura looked extremely displeased.

Mokuba slid off of his horse, and it became apparent that his robes were too long. Holding them up so he wouldn't trip, he bowed. "A thousand apologies, O patient one."

Bakura's eyes glinted. He was really enjoying THIS role. "You have it, then?"

Mokuba looked squeamish and then closed his eyes. "I had to… yuck… slit a few throats and go into slavery to get it."

A water balloon hit his turban and exploded. "What is your problem?" asked Kiara.

"Trying to make it relevant," explained the dripping Mokuba.

"Well, don't. We're doing a Disney film here, who cares about relevance?"

"Point," conceded Mokuba. "Sorry. I'll do it right…"

"Good. Action!"

"I had to slit a few throats to get it…" Mokuba reached into his robes and pulled out a teddy bear.

"Oh, very funny!" grumbled Marik from his perch on Bakura's shoulder. "Put it away, idiot mortal!"

"I don't know how that got there!" insisted Mokuba. Marik rolled his eyes but subsided.

Mokuba reached into his robes again and pulled out half a scarab-medallion. Bakura reached for it, but Mokuba pulled his hand away. "Ah, ah, ahhh!" he admonished. "The treasure!"

Marik swung down on a cable attached to the ceiling somewhere and snatched the medallion. His tiny shoes banged hard against Mokuba's hand.

"Ouch!"

Bakura's mouth stretched into what could only be called a smile. "Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you."

Marik, with a dirty look at Kiara, echoed him. "What's coming to you!"

"And then you squawk," prompted Kiara.

"No! This is demeaning enough!" Marik shook his head.

"Aw, come on… Iago's one of my favourite characters!"

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmm." Kiara nodded, grinning.

"Do I _have_ to squawk?"

"YES!"

"NO!" A tiny water balloon hit Marik in the face, almost knocking him to the floor. "Ugh! Fine… Awk!"

Bakura snickered and pulled the second half of the medallion from his robes. He held the two pieces up and then connected them with a dramatic flourish. The medallion began to glow and then flew out of Bakura's hand, scaring the horses. "Quickly, follow the trail!" he yelled.

They rode after it, following the glowing speck of light, until it reached a large dune. It separated into two and the halves plunged into the dune. All that remained were two glowing points of light on the dune.

"That's it?" asked Bakura, disappointedly.

"Anti-climatic," commented Marik.

"Shut up and watch!" snapped Kiara, pushing a button on her armrest.

Suddenly, the dune began to rise up, and transformed into a giant lion's head, with the glowing points becoming the eyes.

"Oooooh…." murmured Bakura, Marik and Mokuba at the same time. Kiara rolled her eyes.

Bakura shook himself back into character and smiled greedily. "At last, after all my years of searching, the cave of wonders!"

Scowling, Marik echoed, "Awk! Cave of wonders!"

"By – " Mokuba fell off his horse. "Out of interest, can I say 'by Ra', or 'by Jupiter'?"

"No. Allah it is and Allah it shall remain. We are being true to the film here!" Kiara thumped her armrest emphatically.

"Oh, fine…" Mokuba re-assumed his expression of wonder. "By Allah…" he murmured.

Bakura became business-like, grabbing Mokuba by the front of his robes. "Now, remember! Bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!"

Mokuba started to approach the lion's mouth, which formed the entrance to the cave. He chuckled as he went.

"Awk, the lamp! Awk, the lamp!" squawked Marik, his head in his hands. Then, sighing with relief, he began to speak without the bird-accent. "Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?"

Bakura put his finger to his lips and shushed him. Mokuba had reached the cave, but was blown away as the cave suddenly began to speak.

Ryou's voice, amplified so it filled the room, said, "Who disturbs my slumber?"

Kiara shook her head. "CUT!"

"What?" asked Ryou's voice. "What is it?"

"You… you're all wrong! We can't have a cave of wonders in Arabia with a bloody English accent!"

"Look, you told me what to do…" Ryou sounded hurt.

"Okay, okay… you can swap with Ishizu. Ishizu, get your butt here!"

"What?" asked Ishizu's amplified tones.

"Take over from Ryou. He can take over from you… Just do the Cave's voice. Nice and loud, and powerful."

"Um, okay. How's this…" Ishizu cleared her throat and said in a booming voice. "Who disturbs my slumber?"

"Perfect!" Kiara grinned. "Okay people, carry on. I knew Ishizu would be helpful for something!"

Mokuba raised an eyebrow, got up, tripped over his robes, and got up again. "It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief. Gazeem?" He shot Kiara an enquiring glance.

"It's the name, live with it."

"Oh. Okay. You can carry on, Ishizu."

"Thanks, Mokuba," Ishizu's voice boomed.

"FOCUS!" yelled Kiara. As one, Bakura and Marik clamped their hands over their ears. Kiara grinned. "Cute."

"Talk about your mood-swings, check THIS action out!"

"Oh, shut up. Action!"

"Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough."

Mokuba turned to Bakura with a questioning look.

"What are you waiting for? Go on!"

Mokuba hesitated staring up at the eyes of the lion, and then moved one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he planted his foot down. Nothing happened.

Looking relieved, he began his trek again. Then Ishizu roared again. He turned back, but the lion's mouth slammed shut and the dune collapsed back to normal.

All that was left were the two separated halves of the medallion, lying in the sand

"Seek thee out, the diamond in the - diamond in the - diamond in the rough…" Ishizu's voice faded away.

Marik pulled himself out of the sand, coughing. "I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm moulting!" He pulled a few loose feathers that had become stuck to his costume off, and 'flew', using the cable, to Bakura's shoulder.

"Patience, Iago. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy."

Marik rolled his eyes. "Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incred – I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from not surprise! What're we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big prob – "

Bakura pinched Marik's 'beak' shut, muffling his voice. "Yes, we do. Only one may enter. I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough."

* * *

**MOOCH! Joey's in the next chappie! It's half written, already.**

**NOTE WELL: I'm starting exams -groan- on Tuesday. So you'd better review ALOT if you want me to finish the next chapter quickly... **

**Uh... hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink... -points at purple button meaningfully-**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey y'all! I started exams today... oh, boy! But never fear... I shall try me utmost to update!

**'view 'piles**

**pink-kiss-candy**- Thanks! Always nice to know you made someone's life happier. -loud crack- Oh, and... you can let go now. -grin-

**DhaniCauldwell**- Why, thankee! -bows-

**VampirePiggyHunter**- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy BIRTHday tooo v.p.h., happy birthday to YOOOOOOOOU! Accept this chappie as my humble gift to you! Hope you had an AWesome day!

**The Truth** - I can't decipher you... I don't see any misspellings, but anyway... Have fun trying to drown your compy in the toilet! Unless... you wrote it out? Oh, and thanks! Your completely unfounded flame (minus constructive crit, note this) Has given my pet dragon something to do! Redford Jack Bartholomew Chicken, I command you - FLAME HER/HIM BACK!

-The Truth disappears in a rush of green flame-

As William de Worde's father always said, a lie gets around the world before the truth has got its' boots on!

**Bananawings72**- Cool name! 56 thank-yous to AWL the peeps in your house! And a bandage for the one that 'fell' down the stairs. And 2 "I'm Cool" badges for you and the other person who said I'm the coolest person to ever live! YAY! This chappie is partly dedicated to you, too, just for that cool review!

On with the show, everyone!

* * *

_You may be wondering "why is she giving review replies? aren't they banned?" If so, I'd like to commend you on your extraordinary lack of capitals in your thought processes. And also to tell you that I read through the 'guidelines' and THEY ONLY FORBID **WHOLE CHAPPIES** DEDICATED TO REVIEW REPLIES! WAHOO!_ _

* * *

_

**A'ight. Get on with it already! Enjoy... laugh lots!_

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_ **

**_Aladdin, YGO Style_**

"What's wrong with her?" asked Joey, casually leaning over the rooftop where he stood.

"Be careful, Joey!" called Serenity.

"Don't worry, S'ren." Joey vaulted down from the wall. "Nothing's gonna happen to me!"

"Be careful anyway."

"Sure thing, sis. So, again, what's wrong with her?" He pointed at Kiara, who was looking at him with anime heart-eyes.

"Put your waistcoat on, show off." Seto rolled his eyes. "I came to watch a show, not some dog showing off."

"Ah, shut up, Kaiba. May I remind you who the star of this show is? Me. And who's the sidekick? You. Point proven."

"That proves nothing except the cause of that idiot's prone state." Kaiba grinned, and then a water balloon exploded on the back of his head. "AH!"

"Ha, loser! Idiot yourself!" Kiara was moving again, walking towards the dripping CEO with a water balloon in each hand. She grinned at Joey, who was putting on his waistcoat. "Let's get this par-TAY started! Get back up on that roof!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Joey mock-saluted and climbed up a ladder to the top of the building.

"Now, you, and you, OFF my set!" yelled Kiara, pointing at Kaiba and Serenity.

"Okay…" Serenity skipped off the stage. "I have to get ready anyway."

"I'm staying to watch." Kaiba grinned evilly. "This should be extremely entertaining…"

"Aw, shut up Moneybags! Or should I say… Genie!" Joey ducked as Kaiba threw a barrel full of something at his head.

A water balloon exploded once again on Kaiba's head. Dripping water, he stared at Kiara.

"STOP MESSING WITH MY SET!" roared Kiara. "GO AWAY!"

"Don't you tell me what to – " Another water balloon, this time in the stomach. Kaiba let out an explosive breath.

"AWAY!" yelled Kiara, throwing another one up and down threateningly.

"Fine." Kaiba marched out of the room, leaving a trail of water and wet footprints.

"Great. Now, action!" called Kiara.

Joey ran up to the edge of the rooftop, carrying a loaf of bread. He almost dropped it over the edge.

Tea ran onto the rooftop and yelled, "Stop, thief! I'll have your hands for a trophy, street rat!"

Joey looked back at her, and shook his head. "Scary."

"FOCUS!" yelled Kiara, stilling threateningly throwing the water balloon up and down.

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Joey looked at Tea, who was standing and tapping her toes impatiently, and then down at the bread. "All this for a loaf of bread?"

He jumped off, landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with clothes drying on them. He skied down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he went. Finally, he neared the end of the rope, at a window, when Serenity reached out and slammed the shutters closed. Joey slammed into the shutters and fell to the street; numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him broke his fall. He pulled off the top layer of clothes and was about to enjoy his bread when…

Tea yelled. "There he is! The role-stealing street-rat!"

A water balloon exploded on her turban, making the feather flop down into her face. "Stick to the bloody script, moron." Kiara rolled her eyes. "And you're still an extra."

"Hmph!" Tea pushed the wet feather out of her eyes and assumed her act. "There he is!"

"You won't get away so easy!" called Weevil from behind her.

Joey raised an eyebrow. "You think that was _easy_?"

He looks at three women, really Serenity, Ishizu and Ryou in cloaks, laughing at him.

Tea gestured as she spoke. "You two, over that way, and you, with me. We'll find him."

Joey pulled a sheet over him and wrapped it around himself, mimicking the other 'women', as a disguise. He rushed over to them. "Morning… uh… ladies."

Ishizu shook her head. "Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we Aladdin?

Joey smiled cockily. "Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught – "

A hand grabbed Aladdin's shoulder and yanked him back.

It was Tea. Joey's disguise slipped to the floor. He gulped. "I'm in trouble!"

Tea snarled. "...and this time – "

Yugi screeched and pulled Tea's turban over her eyes. "Oh, sorry Tea."

A water balloon hit him in the face. "Don't apologize! Now, wait a second." Kiara pulled out her wand and aimed it at Yugi. "The job's half done – " she grinned. " – but you are, surprisingly, still not short enough. This wont hurt a bit."

"Wha – where'd he go?" Joey looked around, suddenly jumping back onto Tea's foot as he saw Yugi, a mere five inches high, by his foot.

"OUCH!" Tea began to hop around. Weevil and Duke, who was being a guard extra until his own role came, dived out of her way, and she crashed into a pile of pottery jugs.

"Wonderful," muttered Yugi.

A barrage of water balloons came flying through the air, hitting Tea, Duke, Weevil, Yugi and Joey's left shoulder. He'd seen them coming and tried to doge, but he wasn't fast enough.

"CONCENTRATE!" Kiara rubbed her temples. " Have you lot noticed I've been yelling in capitals a lot lately? It's all YOUR fault. Duke, stop crying about your hair nobody cares. Weevil, pick up Tea. Tea, get over yourself, please. Joey… be sensible, you didn't think you could dodge my water balloons? Yugi, sort your vertically challenged issues out in your own time. Right, that everyone?"

The cast nodded dumbly.

"So, do what I said already!" Kiara picked a book out of nowhere and began to read.

The cast did their respective things, except Yugi, who sat and muttered to himself, the occasional word coming up being things like: "…vertically challenged! Huh…" and "… monkey, monkey…" and "…SHRUNK…"

Finally, everyone was back in position.

"Action!" called Kiara.

Yugi made a screeching sound, and then pushed Tea's turban down over her eyes. He sighed, deeply.

"Dance." Kiara started juggling water balloons.

Reluctantly, and oh-so-carefully, Yugi danced a weird little monkey-dance on Tea's head, laughing.

"Perfect timing, Abu!" grinned Joey.

Yugi waved. "Hello!" he squeaked in a monkey-voice.

"Come on; let's get outta here!" called Joey, and then music started…

"_Gotta keep..._

_One jump ahead of the breadline_

_One swing ahead of the sword_

_I steal only what I can't afford_

_That's everything!"_

"The mutt never spoke a truer word," Kaiba was back, leaning against the door.

"No disturbances!" said Mokuba, pulling his brother out of the room before the water balloon headed for him exploded. The door slammed closed just as the balloon hit.

Kiara swore softly, and then called, "Action!"

Joey was dodging the wild sword-swings of Weevil. After a couple of swings, he pulled down Weevil's pants, revealing bug boxers. Yugi blew a raspberry at Duke, then dodged an attack. Ishizu, now a guard, swung at Joey, missing and cutting open a barrel of fish by mistake. As Joey ran off, Weevil pulled a big fish over his lower body as a pair of pants, and hopped after him.

"_One jump ahead of the lawmen_

_That's all, and that's no joke_

_These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!"_

Joey and the tiny Yugi scampered up a pile of barrels, and then kicked one down on top of Ishizu, who was trying to climb up to them.

One at a time, Weevil, Duke and Serenity (also now a guard) yell,

"_Riffraff!"_

" _Street rat!"_

"_Scoundrel!" _

"_Take that!"_

Joey climbed to the top of a platform.

"_Just a little snack, guys!"_

The 'guards' shake the platform back and fro trying to knock him off, singing,

"_Rip him open, take it back guys!"_

"_I can take a hint,_

_gotta face the facts…"_

Joey jumped off the platform to certain death…

"…_You're my only friend, Abu!"_

…only to grab Yugi's hands like an acrobat. The pair swung into a harem, where Ishizu, Weevil, Ryou and Duke stand, dressed as women. They ask,

"_Who?"_

And then they began to sing, Duke doing a truly sad belly-dancer impersonation. Ishizu hit him with a vase, knocking him unconscious and making him sink mercifully out of view. Kiara applauded.

"_Oh, it's sad Aladdin's hit the bottom_

_He's become a one-man rise in crime…"_

Yugi found a plate full of fruit and stuffed his mouth full, chipmunk-style. Tea came up, dressed as a really fat woman. With the other girls giggling in the background, she sang,

"_I'd blame parents,_

_except he hasn't got 'em!"_

Joey swung between 'girls', singing,

"_Gotta eat to live,_

_gotta steal to eat_

_Tell you all about it_

_when I got the time!"_

Joey and Yugi jump out of the window. Some random muscleman was standing in a crowd, flexing his muscles. Joey and Yugi duck behind him and copy his moves. The 'guards' rush past, sans Duke. Suddenly, Joey and Yugi made a mistake and were discovered. Joey ran away, Yugi on his shoulder, singing,

"_One jump ahead of the slowpokes_

_One skip ahead of my doom_

_Next time gonna use a nom de plume."_

In a 'chase sequence', Joey and Yugi, pursued by the 'guards' (Weevil still wearing a veil for some reason), race through a flock of sheep, hurdle over Ryou sleeping on a bed of nails… and then Ishizu trips over him.

"OUCH!" he yelled.

"Sorry!" muttered Ishizu, getting up and running after the other guards.

"No problem," wheezed Ryou, getting up and pulling nails out of the board strapped to his back.

Meanwhile, in a stall, Yugi disguises himself in jewellery… at least until the shopkeeper, a.k.a. Mokuba on stilts, shoos him away.

"_One jump ahead of the hit men_

_One hit ahead of the flock_

_I think I'll take a stroll_

_around the block."_

Joey, and Yugi, turn the corner and keep running through a crowded street. Well… not really crowded. About five or six girls in school uniform standing holding sheets of paper and staring around. Kiara prods them with an extra-long-person-prodder, and they shout randomly,

"_Stop, thief!"_

" _Vandal!"_

"_Outrage!" _

"_Scandal!"_

The 'guards' surround Joey, forcing him up the stairs in front of a door.

"_Let's not be too hasty…"_

The door opens and a large, ugly lady – really Duke in drag with a huge bump on his head – comes out and picks Joey up.

"_Still I think he's rather tasty!"_

Joey makes a disgusted face and then rolls out of Duke's reach, putting an arm around Weevil like they're best buddies.

"_Gotta eat to live,_

_gotta steal to eat_

_Otherwise we'd get along!"_

"_WRONG!"_

the 'guards' yell, and jump into a pile an fight. When the dust settles, Joey and Yugi have disappeared. Ishizu spots them, sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by the 'guards' who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks too slowly. They pass Mokuba, dressed as a sword-swallower, about to swallow a sword. Yugi goes back, pulls the sword out of Mokuba's mouth, and advances on the 'guards', who retreat in fear.)

"He's got a sword!" yelped Weevil.

"You idiot!" cried Tea, drawing her own sword. "We've ALL got swords!

Yugi set the sword down gently, and then ran to Joey. The two were once again surrounded, with 'guards' coming from left and right. Joey jumped up and climbed a robe trick being done on the street, as the 'guards' all crash into each other.

"_One jump ahead of the hoof beats!"_

The random girls yelled, "Vandal!"

"_One hop ahead of the hump!"_

The random girls yelled, on cue, "Street rat!"

"_One trick ahead of disaster!"_

"Scoundrel!"

"_They're quick – but I'm much faster"_

"Take that!"

The 'guards' chase Joey up a staircase into a room.

"_Here goes, better throw my hand in_

_Wish me happy landin'_

_All I gotta do is jump!"_

He grabbed a carpet and jumped out the window.

The unfortunate 'guards' follow him out the window, but, having no carpets, they go straight down to the street, and land in a pile of dung with the sign _"Crazy Mokie's Discount Fertilizer."_

"Urgh…" groaned Duke. Mokuba, dressed in yet another costume, shrugged and continued to shovel the dung onto his cart.

Joey used the carpet as a parachute to land safely and out of danger. He and Yugi high-five each other.

"And now, esteemed effendi, we feast! All right!" Joey broke the bread in two and gave half to Yugi, who took a bite.

But then, Joey looked over and saw two random young children rummaging through the garbage for food. The girl saw him, and dropped her find. The two children try to hide. Joey looked at them, his eyes softening, then at the bread. He raised an eyebrow at Yugi.

Yugi shook his head. "Uh-oh!" Yugi took a big bite of his bread, but Joey got up and walked over to the children. The little girl pulled her brother back, behind her.

Joey held out his half of the bread loaf. "Here. Go on – take it."

The children giggled with delight. Yugi tried to swallow his bite, but then looked extremely guilty. He walked over to the children and offered his bread to them. In delight, they pet him on the head, and then withdraw their stinging hands. Yugi rolls his eyes. "Ah, don't. Huh?" Yugi watches Joey walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on.

Joey peered over the shoulders of the random girls. Ryou, all dressed up to look like a fop, rode up on a horse.

"On his way to the palace, I suppose."

The girl to the side of the one that had just spoken nodded slowly. "Another suitor for the princess."

Suddenly, the two children came running out from the alley. The boy runs out in front of Ryou's horse, startling it.

"Out of my way, you filthy brat! Sorry!" Ryou looked apologetic. A water balloon exploded on his turban. "Sorry," he said again, this time to Kiara, who nodded and motioned for him to continue.

He brought up his whip to attack the children, but Joey jumped in front of them and caught the whip. "Hey, if I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners!"

Ryou rolled his eyes apologetically and continued roughly. "Oh – I'll teach you some manners!" He kicked Joey into a mud puddle, and the crowd laughed. He began ride away.

"Look at that, Abu. It's not every day you see a horse with _two_ rear ends!"

Ryou pulled up his horse and looked down his nose at Joey. "You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and _only your fleas will mourn you_!"

Joey growled and rushed at Ryou, but the gate to the castle slammed shut in his face.

As the crowd dissipated, Joey looked up at the gate and said, "I'm not worthless. And I don't have fleas!" he added, scratching his head. "Come on, Abu. Let's go home."

Silently, Joey and Yugi walk up a winding staircase to their home. Yugi jumps onto a cushion, carefully places his fez next to him and curled into a ball. Joey gently covered him with a small scrap of cloth, then sat next to him and sang softly,

"_Riffraff, street rat. _

_I don't buy that._

_If only they'd look closer…_

_Would they see a poor boy?_

_No siree._

_They'd find out…_

_There's so much more to me."_

He pulled back a curtain to reveal a beautiful view of Agrabah and, in the distance, the beautiful palace.

"Someday, Abu, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all…"

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**Wooch for the random people! Now... c'mon, don't be scared... press the lil' purple button.**

_**Magic!**_

_-waves- 'til next time!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey there readers! SO SO SORRY about the long delay... my stupid compy broke, so I was stranded! Anyway, here it is, the all new CHAPTER FIVE!_

_-audience applaudes-_

_YEAH!_

_Well, what else is there to say, except: enjoy!_

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**DISCLAIMY: I don't own YGO. Give up, lawyer dude.**

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Oh, yeah, ONE MORE THING! Concerning _Review Replies_... You'll each get a PERSONAL reply, as per the new system, unless you're anonymous - in which case... ah, I'll work SOMEthing out!

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_**Aladdin: Chapter 5**_

"I feel like an idiot."

"Good, because you're supposed to look like one." Kiara grinned at Ryou. He sighed and walked to his place.

Duke stumbled onto the set, grumbling. "Why do I have to wear this stupid tiger costume anyway? It's demeaning!"

"Nobody cares," said Kiara automatically.

"Huh!" Duke put the tiger head on and went to his place, grumbling inaudibly.

"YOU!" yelled Mai, storming into the room.

"Me?"

"Look what you've done to my… my _hair_!" Mai shook her long black hair in Kiara's face.

"Very nice. Suits you," approved Kiara.

Mai growled, too angry for words.

Kiara pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to Mai. "Here's the reasoning. Now go put on your costume!"

Mai stared at the page, then turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Kiara grinned, then rolled her eyes heavenward. "Drama queen."

"I heard that!" yelled Mai.

Kiara laughed, and then sat on her director's chair. "Okay, Ryou and Yami get into position. Bakura and Marik, you wait in the wings for your cue. WEEVIL!"

"What?" asked Weevil sullenly.

"Did you get my pretty doves?" asked Kiara, silkily.

"Uh, no, but – "

"NO! NO!" Kiara began to laugh. "You hear that? He says no! Ha! Gee, Weevil, never thought you were the comedic type."

"I'm not. I said no because the answer is – "

"Yes."

"No. It's no."

"WHAT?" Kiara sprung from her chair and pulled Weevil up to eye level by his collar. "_Why_ not?"

"Because, uh, there… there weren't any at the store, uh, ma'am – sir – uh, I mean ma'am… uh…" Weevil stuttered frantically, squirming.

"Oh." Kiara dropped him, and he scurried away thankfully. "Well, then."

The entire room was silent. A leaky pipe dripped noisily, enjoying the spotlight.

"You. Get me doves for Mai. Now." Kiara pointed imperiously at Mokuba.

"Sure thing, Kiara." Mokuba popped out of sight.

"Not mad." Bakura muttered to Marik. "Damn _insane_." The smaller nodded fervently.

"_My bonnie lies over the ocean,_

_My bonnie lies over the se-e-e-e-e-e-e-ea_

_My bonnie lies over the ocean_

_Please bring back my bonnie to me-e-e-e-e-e!_"

sang Kiara, apparently restored to high spirits.

"She's a plucked dove," smirked Kaiba.

"Flew the coop," agreed Bakura.

"The robin brought up by the cuckoo," added Marik.

"Left the nest," sighed Tristan.

"Mute nightingale," commented Duke.

"Or a tone-deaf canary," suggested Joey.

"Okay, okay, everyone's had their little fun… except me…" Kiara rolled her eyes. "So can we please start the scene?"

"A 'please'? From _her_? Pinch me, I'm dreaming," said Duke.

"Shut up. And put your head back on, idiot."

"What. Ever." Duke pulled the tiger head over his own again and resumed his position.

Mai walked in, smoothing her pantaloons. "Did I miss something?" she asked sweetly.

"No, no… nothing at all." Kiara grinned. "ACTION!"

The door on the side of the room burst open, and Ryou, dressed as a fop, stormed through – missing the rear end of his pants. White boxers with red hearts showed through. Bakura collapsed into a fit of silent giggles. Kaiba left the room, extremely quickly. Joey and Tristan had tears of exertion coming down their cheeks, from trying not to laugh.

Ryou, trying to ignore the commotion, shouted at Yami, who had just waddled out of the door behind him. "I've never been so insulted!"

Joey and Tristan were silently beating the floor and the walls respectively in fits of hysterical, held back laughter. Marik had his head buried in Bakura's shaking shoulder to stifle his laughter. Yami was padded round the waist, looking like a roll with toothpicks stuck into one side. He gritted his teeth, regretting not having bothered with the turban, and continued with his lines.

"Oh, Prince Achmed. You're not leaving so soon, are you?"

Ryou stormed out of the palace set, yelling as he went, "Good luck marrying her off!"

Yami shook his head. "Oh, Jasmine! Jasmine! Jasmine!" he called.

Yami went into the garden looking for his 'daughter'. He found Mai, sitting by the fountain, but was interrupted by Duke, in full tiger regalia, who blocked him off. In his mouth Duke holds a piece of Ryou's pants. Yami grabbed the cloth and yanked on it, hard. Duke put up a brief fight and then let go, quite suddenly, so that Yami fell over backwards, cloth in hand. "Confound it, Rajah! So, this is why Prince Achmed stormed out!"

"It may have been…" said Duke evasively. A large water balloon exploded on his head, matting his fur.

"No talking!" called Kiara.

"Whatever," grumbled Duke, but subsided.

Mai quickly regained the scene's momentum. "Oh, father. Rajah was just playing with him, weren't you Rajah?"

Duke walked over and looked smugly at the onlookers as Mai petted him.

"You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you?" Mai continued playfully. She hugged Duke, and then looked up at the angry Yami. "Ahem."

Yami sighed. "Dearest, you've got to stop rejecting every suitor that comes to call. The law says you..."

Mai chimed in, adding her voice to Yami's. "...must be married to a prince."

They walked over to a white wicker dove cage.

"By your next birthday," added Yami.

Mai scowled. "The law is wrong!"

Yami looked worried. "You've only got three more days!"

Mai sighed. "Father, I hate being forced into this." She took a dove out of the cage and petted it. Kiara sighed happily.

"If I do marry, I want it to be for love." Mai looked beseechingly at Yami.

Yami's brow creased. "Jasmine, it's not only this law."

Mai gently passed him the dove, and he put it back in the cage as he spoke. "I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of, provided for."

"Try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own!" Mai swirled her finger in the water of the pond, petting the fish. "I've never had any real friends."

Duke looked up at her and growled.

"Except you, Rajah."

Satisfied, he went back to sleep.

"I've never even been outside the palace walls."

"But Jasmine, you're a princess!" protested Yami.

Mai got up from her seat by the fountain, splashing the water in anger as she went. "Then maybe I don't want to be a princess!"

"Oooohhh! Ra forbid you should have any daughters!" Yami muttered to Rajah, and received a water balloon on his shoulder for his trouble.

"Allah! Not Ra! Stick to the script, people!"

"Okay, okay." Yami cleared his throat and carried on. "Oooohhh! Allah forbid you should have any daughters!"

Duke stared at him. Mai went to the dove cage and yanked open the door. The birds flew off into freedom. She watched them go, an expression of longing on her face.

"TEA BREAK!" called Kiara. She walked over to Joey, who was leaning against a random door looking slightly green. "What is it?"

"He just got the second half of his script. Tea also got the second half of hers. Not

pretty," explained Tristan. Kiara nodded sympathetically and kept moving past Joey and Tristan into the door behind them.

One hour later 

"Everyone in this scene, to the set. Everyone else, OUT!" called Kiara, entering the room. Joey, Tristan, Mai, Weevil and Duke trooped out. "Great!" Kiara rubbed her hands together eagerly. "Let's make magic!"

"Where's Tea?" asked Ryou.

"Oh, she's… distracted… for a while. She'll be back soon enough." Kiara grinned wolfishly.

"Oh, uh, okay." Ryou left. As soon as the door was closed behind him, he started to search every broom cupboard in the building.

Inside, Kiara got into her chair, pulled out a bag of popcorn and yelled, "ACTION!"

Yami, now standing in his chambers placing small wooden animals carefully into a pyramid shape, sighed and said, "I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky."

"SELF CHIRP!" called Kiara, spilling her popcorn all over the floor and shaking with laughter.

Yami scowled at her. "Look, I didn't write this – "

"Yes, I know. But it's still funny. Okay, okay, I've had my fun, carry on."

Yami sighed, and then reassumed character. A shadow fell over him, making him jump. He looked up to see Bakura towering over him. "Ah, Jafar – my most trusted advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom."

Bakura bowed. "My life is but to serve you, my lord."

"It's this suitor business. Jasmine refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wit's-end."

"In the parrot voice!" commanded Kiara as Marik shut his mouth resolutely.

"No."

"We've been through this…"

"Fine! Awk! Wit's-end. How degrading." A tiny water balloon hit him in the face.

"No backchat."

Yami tried to regain control. "Oh, ha ha. Have a cracker, pretty polly!"

He pulled a cracker out from his pocket. Marik suddenly looked terrified. Then Yami stuffed the cracker into Marik's mouth. Marik grimaced as he tried to eat it. Bakura and Yami both laughed. Marik pouted, cheeks still full of cracker.

Bakura grinned at his expression and said, "Your majesty certainly has a way with _dumb animals_."

Marik glared daggers at him.

"Now then," continued Bakura, ignoring Marik. "Perhaps I can divine a solution to this thorny problem."

"If anyone can help, it's you," encouraged Yami with a very forced-looking smile.

"Ah, but it would require the use of the mystic blue diamond," said Bakura, lifting Yami's hand. On his index finger sparkled a ring with a bright sky-blue diamond on it.

Yami hesitated. "Uh, my ring? But it's been in the family for years."

"It is necessary to find the prin_cess_ a suitor…" Bakura said, turning his cobra-headed staff towards Yami. The cobra's eyes begin to glow. The room darken; Bakura's voice slows down, and deepens. Yami's eyes get a hypnotised look.

"That," said Bakura, grinning. "Was almost too easy. Where can I get me one of these?"

A water balloon exploded in his face. "Stick to the script!" yelled Kiara. "And it's only a prop, anyway."

"How… disappointing… Ah, well."

Kiara hefted two balloons in her hands menacingly.

"Alright, alright…" Bakura turned to the still-hypnotised Yami and said in a slow deep voice, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

"Everything...will be...fine," repeated Yami slowly.

"The diamond?"

"Here, Jafar. Whatever you need will be fine," said Yami, in his hypnotised monotone. He pulled the ring off and gave it to Bakura.

The room's lighting returned to normal as Bakura pulled back the staff. "You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little toys."

Yami, the effects of the hypnotism not yet worn off, replied, "Yes...that'll be...pretty good…"

Bakura and Marik leave the room. As soon as they got out of the room, Marik spat out the cracker.

"I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those mouldy, disgusting crackers...bam! Whack!" Marik punched the air, demonstrating what he wanted to do to Yami.

Bakura kept walking over to a wall, and then pulled on a rope, revealing the hidden entrance to his lair… ah… chambers.

As he walked down the stairs, the door slid shut behind him. Somewhere in the background, Weevil swore softly.

"Calm yourself, Iago."

Marik ignored Bakura, continuing his 'demonstration'. "Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!"

Bakura rolled his eyes and continued speaking over Marik. "Soon, I will be Pharaoh, not that addlepated twit."

Splash! Several water balloons collided with Bakura's head, leaving him soaked to the bone.

"What?" he demanded, squeezing some water from his robes.

"Sultan." Kiara smiled sweetly. "Not Pharaoh."

"What. Ever." Bakura growled through clenched teeth before continuing. "Soon, I will be Sultan, not that addlepated twit."

Marik grinned evilly. "And then I stuff the crackers down his throat! Ha ha!"

The two passed through a door, slamming it shut behind them.

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_Review, please! -grin- Oh, and a special note to AR, and AC... you guys ROCK!_

_B-A-N-A-N-A-S!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello everyone!_

_Hope y'all have a spectacular 2006! -fireworks go off- YAY!_

_Thanks to all who reviewed - I'm TRYING to catch up with all my review replies, so watch your figurative postboxes!_

_That's all, I think._

_Cheers!_

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**Disclaimer: I own them! KIDDING! I don't own YGO, or Aladdin. Sad, ain't it?**

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"Chanukah o Chanukah let's light the menorah, na na na na na we'll all dance the horah!" Kiara spun around and flopped into her director's chair. "I LOVE this time of year!"

"Oh, great," groaned Kaiba. "She's a festive season celebrator. Brace yourselves."

"Kaiba!" yelled Kiara exuberantly. "I've GOT something for you!"

"What, a Christmas present?"

"No." Kiara grinned widely, then pointed upwards. "Mistletoe."

"NO!" yelled Kaiba, backing away.

"Yup!" Kiara grinned, advancing slowly. "Don't worry. It's not like I have bad breath or anything."

"Knowing you, anything is possible."

"Come on, Kaiba, don't be such a wet blanket!"

"Yeah, Moneybags, what're you scared of?"

"I'm not _scared_, mutt," snapped Kaiba.

"Yeah, that's right. You're **terrified**!" Joey, Tristan and Duke collapsed, laughing hysterically and banging their hands on the floor.

"Guys, grow up." Tea rolled her eyes, walking forward. "What are you, two?"

"Get away, Gardener!"

"Oh, damn. How'd you get out? Ah, well, festive season's forgiveness, right?"

"Okay. Are we friends now?"

"No. Acquaintances, maybe, but not friends."

"Not yet, anyway."

"What's going –?" Serenity walked in, only to have her sentence interrupted by Kaiba yelling, "They're EVERYWHERE!" and pelting to a side door, wrenching it open and disappearing through it.

Kiara pouted. "He got away! Aw, well. PLACES, PEOPLE! The show goes on!"

"We don't get holiday leave?" asked Duke, picking up his tiger head.

"That's right! So glad you caught on quickly."

Duke sighed. "There's just no reasoning with her," he said, and pulled his tiger head on.

"I'm ready, let's get this over with." Mai swept in, wearing a soft brown cloak. She pulled the hood up and went to her position.

"At least ONE person is professional around here," said Kiara. She grinned and added, "Well, thank goodness it ain't me!"

"Okay, lights! Camera! Action!"

The set is of the palace gardens at night. A shadowy figure walked through – Mai in disguise. She reached the palace wall, and then began to climb it. Duke tugged her from behind.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rajah. But I can't stay here and have my life lived for me. I'll miss you." Mai kissed Duke on the head, and began to climb. Duke helped by giving her some leverage, whining and whimpering sadly.

Mai reached the top of the wall. She leaned down and whispered, "Good-bye!" before disappearing over the wall.

"Rockin' around, the Christmas tree – have a happy holiday!" The song echoed around the set as the scene changes. Kiara sat with earphones, on bobbing slightly to her own beat. Mai raised an eyebrow.

"What? I get enough carols in the shops and on the radio to last me a lifetime!"

"What. Ever."

The music faded and Kiara removed her headphones. "Let's go, people! No slacking!"

The new set is daytime on the street. Joey and Yugi are sitting on top of the awning of a fruit stand.

Joey grinned. "Okay, Abu. Go!"

Yugi jumped over the edge, hanging on with his fake tail, and looked at Ishizu, who was yelling to the passing crowd,

"Try this, your taste buds will dance and sing!"

Yugi grabbed a melon and hung there, distracting Ishizu's attention.

She turned to him. "Hey, get your paws off that."

Yugi grinned and said, "Blah blah blah!" in the monkey voice.

"Why, you! Get away from here, you filthy ape!" Ishizu grabbed the melon away from Yugi. In the background, Joey swung down on the other side of the stall and swiped another melon.

Yugi grinned and said, "Bye bye!" before pulling himself back up.

Ishizu took the melon to the front, where she placed it on top of a stack. She looked slightly confused, like 'didn't I JUST do this?'

Meanwhile, still on the awning, Joey grinned at his friend. "Nice goin' Abu! Breakfast is served."

He broke open the melon and gave half to Yugi. The two began to eat.

Mai was walking through the thronged marketplace with her hood up, looking overwhelmed by the colour and noise.

"Pretty lady, buy a pot! No finer pot in brass or silver!" called Ryou, holding up samples of his wares.

"Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachios!" called Tristan, holding out a bowl.

"Would the lady like a necklace? A pretty necklace for a pretty lady!" said Tea, holding out a beaded necklace.

Mai looked charmed by the action, but was startled by a fish thrust into her face.

"Fresh fish! We catch 'em, you buy 'em!" yelled Weevil.

Mai backed away. "I don't think so."

She carried on backing away, but bumped into a fire-eater, who she startles into swallowing his fire. This caused her hood to fall to her shoulders.

"Oh, excuse me!"

The fire-eater gulped, and then belched fire from his mouth. Mai looked disgusted. He, however, looked pleased and tapped his stomach. Joey, from high on his awning,noticed her, and a strange look came over his face.

"I'm really very sorry," Mai continued, walking away.

Joey was staring at Mai as though in a trance. "Wow!"

Mai pulled the hood of her cloak back over her head. Yugi noticed his friend staring and jumped up on his shoulder, waving his hand in front of Joey's face.

"Uh oh. Hello? Hello?"

Mai stopped at a fruit stand, and saw a young homeless child reaching for a piece of fruit. She picked one up and gave it to him. "Oh, you must be hungry. Here you go."

The young boy runs off.

"You'd better be able to _pay_ for that," snarled Tristan, dressed up as a really big fat guy.

Mai looked mystified. "Pay?"

"No one steals from my cart!" yelled Tristan.

Mai tried to smile. "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I don't have any money."

"Thief!" yelled Tristan.

Mai looked quite desperate. She tried to free herself from his grip, saying, "Please, if you let me go to the palace, I can get some from the Sultan!"

Tristan whispered, "Sorry, Mai", got hit with a water balloon, and reassumed character, roaring, "Do you know what the penalty is for stealing?"

He took her hand and pinned it down on the table, intending to chop it off.

Mai gasped. "No, no please!"

The sword dropped, but his hand was stopped by Joey's hand. "Thank you kind sir. I'm so glad you've found her. I've been looking all over for you!"

Mai started, and then whispered, "What are you doing?"

Joey whispered back, "Just play along."

"You… know this girl?" asked Tristan incredulously

"Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy." Joey circled his finger around his ear. Mai looked shocked. Tristan grabbed Joey by the front of his waistcoat.

"She said she knows the Sultan!"

Joey laughed easily. "She thinks the monkey is the Sultan."

Yugi was picking a pocket. He heard this, and then straightened up. Mai, playing along, kneeled and bowed to Yugi.

"Oh, wise Sultan. How may I serve you?"

Yugi grinned and said in monkey-talk, "Well, blah blah blah blah." He patted Mai on the head.

"Tragic, isn't it?" Joey leaned forward, picking up another apple from the cart with his foot. He gave this to Tristan, and grinned. "But, no harm done."

He walked over to Jasmine. "Now come along sis. Time to see the doctor!"

Mai made her eyes wide and blank, and said to a nearby camel, "Oh, hello doctor. How are you?"

Joey steered her past the camel. "No, no, no. Not that one."

He turned to Yugi, whose pockets were bulging. "Come on, _Sultan_."

Yugi bows to the crowd and everything he's stolen from the cart fell out of his shirt.

"Huh? What is it?" yelped Tristan. (A watermelon had rolled over his foot)

Yugi gathered up what he could carry, and the trio ran off.

"Come back here, you little thieves!" roared Tristan, hopping up and down rubbing his toes.

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_So, what'd you think? All comments (except maybe baseless flames) are welcomed!_

_Go on, don't be shy... push that little purple button. It wont bite!_


	7. Chapter 7

All thanks where it is due. Thanks to Metamorpha for the prune thing. -grin-

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_Hooray for reviewers! Thanks y'all!_

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**Disclaimer: Ha! I wish! Don't own YGO.**

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"Kaiba, come back here!"

"NO WAY!" Kaiba turned left and sped down the new corridor.

"COME ON!" yelled Kiara, slowing down to a jog. "YOU HAVE TO!" she bellowed in the direction Kaiba had gone, and turned on her heel, muttering.

She opened a door and stared around. _I didn't make this room! Who did? Yami? Bakura? No, that's not a Millennium Item's footprint. So WHO?_

A tall woman in a cloak of absolute darkness fell from the ceiling and crashed onto Kiara. She got to her feet, swearing.

"Is that the ONLY way to get here?" she asked irritably, dusting off her cloak of absolute darkness.

"Yes. Who are you? And what the hell are you doing in my private domain?"

"I'm here – " she was cut off by a woman in a cloak of pure light falling on her.

"OW!" the woman in the cloak of pure light yelled, maybe because she had the look about her of someone who wasn't allowed to swear.

Kiara sighed. "When are you losers going to tell me WHY THE HELL YOU'RE HERE?"

"Losers?"

"Oh, get over yourself!"

"Shut up, you – " the woman in the cloak of absolute darkness reeled off a list of swear-words so potent that if you even SAW them you'd crumble into dust, regenerate and then crumble into dusk again.

Kiara sniffed. "Baby stuff." Being an immortal, all-powerful creation of an unbalanced Libran mind sometimes has benefits. Especially if you've been put in charge of a parody. "Well? You still haven't answered my simple question."

"Oh, right."

"Well, I'm just here to counteract her." The woman in the cloak of pure light smiled grimly.

"And I'm here to… to… uh…" the woman in the cloak of absolute darkness looked a strange mixture of embarrassment and surprise. "To, uh, waste time?"

"Oh. Well, then, you've wasted enough time. Thanks." Both women vanished. Kiara rolled her eyes and left. As she walked to the set, the door to the room of time-wastage vanished.

"Hello! I've just had some time wasted!" yelled Kiara as she entered the set. Weevil dropped the anvil he was carrying and started hopping around, rubbing his toe, which the anvil had bounced off. It hit Tristan, luckily enough, on the spike of his hair. Luckily, because there is so much gel on that spike that he could use it to demolish houses and not feel anything. So one weenie anvil did no damage at all.

"What?" asked Marik, stepping onto his rodent-style treadmill.

"Never mind. If anyone finds Kaiba, just let me know, okay? Let's start the show! YAY!" Kiara flung herself into her director's chair, missed, hit the floor, got up and sat carefully onto her chair. "Ouch. Action!"

The scene was in Jafar's lab. Marik started to run, starting the mechanism of a really weird-looking contraption. At the top of the contraption, a storm is brewing.

After a while, Kiara flashed a thumbs-up and Marik began to speak, gasping for breath. "With all due respect, your rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm?"

Bakura grinned evilly and said in ringing tones, "Save your breath, Iago. Faster!" He put the Sultan's ring into the contraption.

"Hell, no!" protested Marik. A large water balloon hit him, knocking him off the treadmill. He got back on, dripping and grumbling, "I'm turning into a bloody PRUNE from all this!" He began to run again, squelching noisily. When he was up to speed, he continued with his lines, huffing and puffing. "Yes, o mighty evil one!"

Marik ran even faster. A lightning bolt streaked through the ring, and passed into an hourglass below. The sands began to swirl.

"Ah, sands of time – reveal to me the one who can enter the cave!" commanded Bakura. The sand in the top bulb formed the Cave of Wonders. It fell through, whipping into a sandstorm, but through the sand it showed Joey climbing up a ladder, followed by Mai, who is covered in her cloak.

"Yes, yes! There he is. My diamond in the rough!" crowed Bakura triumphantly.

"That's him!" asked Marik in disbelief. "That's the clown we've been waitin' for?"

He lost his footing and got sucked into the gears of Bakura's contraption.

Bakura continued, totally ignoring the squawks and yelps of Marik, "Let's have the guards extend him an invitation to the palace, shall we?"

Marik went flying past him, and slammed into the wall upside down. Kiara giggled.

Marik coughed and then wheezed in response to Bakura, "Swell."

Bakura laughed evilly, and Kiara focussed the camera on the sandstorm with Joey in it.

There was a huge toot as a giant horn blew Bakura, Marik and the contraption off the set. Marik just blew under some chairs, but Bakura slammed upside-down into the wall, as Marik had done only seconds before.

Kiara collapsed off her chair laughing hysterically.

"Just… swell…" gasped Bakura, before he slid off the wall and landed in a motionless heap at the bottom.

Still giggling, Kiara got back into her chair. "Don't worry, he isn't dead. And, following the rules of my realm, he'll be all better in time to do his next scene!" She grinned at her dumbstruck audience.

"Crackers and cheese," muttered Marik, still half knocked out and then subsided as a chair clanged to the ground threateningly, inches from the spot where he lay.

While all the drama had been going on, the new set had been placed and Kiara now indicated that Joey and Mai should get onto the set in her usual delicate manner.

"GETONTHESTAGEALADDINANJASMINPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!"

They complied, not wanting to end up like Bakura.

"Action!" called Kiara.

Joey began to climb a ladder, and then turned to help Mai up, just what Bakura had seen in his crystal ball.

"Almost there," Joey said encouragingly.

Mai climbed over the top of the wall against which the ladder rested, but tripped and fell into Joey's arms. She stood up, and tried to divert the attention away from what had happened. "I want to thank you for stopping that man."

"Uh, forget it," smiled Joey, looking slightly bemused. He grabbed a pole and continued. "So, uh, this is your first time in the marketplace, huh?" He pole-vaulted to the next building, leaving Mai behind. Serenity applauded and got a water balloon in the face for her trouble.

Mai flushed slightly. "Is it that obvious?"

Joey grinned. "Well, you do kinda stand out." He looked at her with the same love-struck look he'd worn before. Mai returned the look. Suddenly, Joey realised what he was doing and became businesslike. Kiara was searching through a sheaf of paper, but shrugged and threw them over her shoulder when Joey said, "I mean, uh, you don't seem to know how dangerous Agrabah can be."

He put a plank between the two buildings for her to walk over, but as he leaned over to steady it, she vaulted over his head. He looked back at her in surprise. She tossed the pole to him, saying, "I'm a fast learner."

"Right." Joey regained his composure. "C'mon, this way." He lead her inside a broken-down building, dodging planks and beams as he went. "Whoa. Watch your head there. Be careful," he warned her, pointing to a broken stair. Kiara was shuffling through her papers again.

"Is this where you live?" asked Mai, her eyes widening.

"Yep. Just me and Yuge – I mean, Abu. Come and go as we please."

"Sounds fabulous," sighed Mai, thinking of the earlier scenes in the palace.

"Well, it's not much," Joey said, and then he pulled back the ragged curtain to reveal the view of the palace. "But it's got a great view. Palace looks pretty amazing, huh?"

Mai sat down with her back to the palace. "Oh, it's wonderful," she said without enthusiasm.

Joey didn't notice. "I wonder what it would be like to live there, to have servants and valets..."

"Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go, and how to dress."

"It's better than here," sighed Joey. "Always scraping for food, and ducking the guards."

"You're not free to make your own choices," continued Mai, as if she has forgotten that Joey is even in the room.

Staring out at the palace, Joey – as if thinking aloud – continued, "Sometimes you feel so – "

"You're just – "

" – trapped," they finished together.

They looked at each other, the dawning realization on their faces that they're perfect for one another somehow not entirely pure acting. But then Joey realized where he was, and broke the look. He took the apple out of Yugi's hand and rolled it down his arm into the hand of Mai.

Trying to act as though everything was normal, Joey continued with the script. "So, where're you from?"

"What does it matter? I ran away, and I am not going back," said Mai adamantly, as though challenging him to try make her.

"Really?" Joey took a bite from the apple in his hand, and then handed it to Yugi, who looked disgusted.

"Why you!" he said in the monkey-voice, shaking his fist at Joey. Obviously, he was completely oblivious to the connection that had just been made.

Joey walked over and sat next to Mai, who said softly, "My father's forcing me to get married."

"That's – that's awful!"

Yugi appeared from behind Mai and tried to steal the apple back.

"Abu!" yelled Joey, seeing what he was doing.

Yugi raced up to a higher point, chattering as he went.

"What?" asked Mai.

"Abu says that – " It dawned on Joey that he shouldn't really translate, and he got an idea. " – uh – that's not fair!"

"What?" Yugi shook his head. That was NOT what he said. Not even close!

"Oh did he?" asked Mai, suspecting something.

"Yeah, of course."

"And does _Abu_ have anything else to say?" she asked sweetly.

"Well, uh, he wishes there was something he could do to help."

"Oh, boy!" groaned Yugi.

Mai, on the other hand, seemed touched at the gesture and smiled, saying, "Hmm, tell him that's very… sweet."

Joey and Mai have been getting closer and closer, and then Joey leaned in to kiss her. However, the 'guards', who have found his little hideaway, interrupt him.

"Here you are!" yelled Tea.

"They've found me!" gasped Joey and Mai together. Then they turned to each other and said, "They're after you?"

"My father must have sent them – " began Mai in a panic, but Joey interrupted her.

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" Joey extended his hand.

"Yes," said Mai, taking it and making a snap decision.

"Then jump!" yelled Joey, and the two jumped off the roof and landed in a pile of salt. They tried to get away, but Tea blocked the exit.

"We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?"

Once again, Yugi pulled down Tea's turban, but more guards came in and blocked the exit. The Tea pulled Yugi off her head and threw him in a vase. Three other guards, really Weevil, Ishizu and Ryou, grab Joey.

"It's the dungeon for you, boy!" snarled Tea.

"Hey, get off of me!" Joey struggled in the grip of the other 'guards'.

"Let go of him!" yelled Mai, running at Tea.

Not realizing she was the princess, Tea grinned and called, "Look what we have here, men – a street _mouse_!"

She pushes Mai off of her.

Mai stood up and pulled off the hood of her cloak. "Unhand him, by order of the princess!"

The 'guards' suddenly stopped and bowed, forcing Joey to bow as well.

Tea kneeled. "Princess Jasmine."

"The princess?" gasped Joey.

ABU:

Peeking out from the vase, Yugi echoed in monkey-talk, "The princess?"

Tea spoke. "What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?"

"That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him!" ordered Mai.

Tea looked gleeful. "Well, I would, princess, but my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him."

The 'guards' dragged Joey out, bowing as they went.

Mai, a very p.o'd look on her face, growled, "Believe me, I will."

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_It bites? Oh, no! morph, again! -goes cross-eyed- But don't let that stop you reviewing. Dragon-hide gloves for everyone! Hooray! -holds out a large box-_


	8. Chapter 8

_A new day, a new chappie! -reads through chappie- Damn, I'm evil. Ah, well. As long as it gets them laughs, right? RIIIIIGHT? -holds up axe- Thought so._

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**_DISCLAIMY:_ Don't own. Don't sue. All I own is Kiara... well she's kinda one of my split personalities... I'll stop there, I think?**

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"Oh, Kaaaaaaaaiba!"

"What is it?"

"Look behind you."

"What are you –?" Seto turned and Kiara threw her arms around her neck, planting a kiss on his lips. Seto pulled back sharply, and Kiara sat down into her director's chair, giggling. Seto shoved a laughing Joey out of the way and hurtled out of the door.

"That was fun. Thanks Joey. Man, did you see his face?" Kiara held up her hand for Joey to high-five. There was a faint rumbling noise.

"What's that?" asked Joey, looking around.

"Dunno…" Kiara poked Weevil with her extra-long-person-poker. "What do you think it is?"

"No idea," said Weevil sullenly, rubbing his arm where Kiara had poked him. "I'm going to bruise!" he accused.

Kiara shook her head. "Nope. Can't get injured here unless I want you to. It _is_ the product of _my _deranged mind, you know."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed a galloping horde of Kaiba fangirls, all foaming at the mouth and waving Kaiba flags. "HOW DARE YOU ABUSE SETO?"

"Oh. Hell." Kiara gulped, watching them approach.

"Don't worry," said Duke confidently. "They can't hurt us. Remember what you said. Can't get injured unless _you_ want to!"

"Not in MY case. I CAN get hurt if it's in a humorous way… and I suppose this counts as humorous…" She sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"Man. That sucks. I can totally sympathise, because people do that to me all the time. Gets kind of boring after a while, y'know?"

"Yeah. Oh, wow! What a moment! I just AGREED with something Duke said! Amazing!" Kiara giggled. "Now, if you'll excuse me… I have an appointment to be trampled by some angry fangirls right about…" She went to stand directly in the path of the stampeding fangirls, and when they were mere feet away she said over her shoulder, "Now."

A pink veil decorated with flowers closes over this moment of extreme violence.

"Ow…" Kiara scraped what was left of her off the floor. "Curse YOOOOOU!" she yelled at the ceiling. The ceiling appeared the grin, but when she looked again it was just a ceiling. "Okay…" She hobbled to her chair and sat down. "Let's do this thing already!"

"You okay?" asked Joey. Serenity looked concerned.

"Yeah, fine. Thanks." Kiara smiled somewhat sadly. "Let's go. MAI!"

"What?"

"Get in position."

"Yes, _ma'am_." Mai rolled her eyes, but complied.

"'Kura?"

"Yes?" Bakura looked up from his detailed drawing of Kiara getting trampled and grinned.

"Get into place. Weirdo."

"Wait a moment… I'm just affixing that in my memory. For the first and probably last time, I'm glad that fan-girls exist. Okay, all done." With a flourish of his cloak, Bakura moved to his place, just off-stage.

"ACTION!" roared Kiara, apparently restored to full health.

Bakura emerged from his secret chambers, and began to slide the door shut, but before he can finish, Mai storms into the room. Bakura slammed the door shut, pinning Marik in the doorframe.

"Jafar?" called Mai.

"Oh, uh, princess."

"Awk! Bakur - Jafar, I'm stuck!" whispered Marik, catching the glint in Kiara's eye and correcting himself just in time.

"How may I be of service to you?" asked Bakura, spreading him cape out behind him to hide the doorway from Mai's view.

"The guards just took a boy from the market. On your orders," accused Mai.

"Your father's charged me with keeping peace in Agrabah. The boy was a criminal." Bakura shrugged.

"What was his crime?" asked Mai, tapping her foot impatiently.

"I can't breathe, Jafar!" gasped Marik, but Bakura continued to ignore him.

"Why, kidnapping the princess, of course."

"If you could just – " Bakura kicked Marik inside the door, allowing it to slam shut. Marik continued speaking, his voice muffled. " – wow, that hurt!"

"He didn't kidnap me! I ran _away_!"

Bakura walked away from Mai, pasting a shocked look on his face. "Oh, dear! Oh, why frightfully upsetting. Had I but known!"

"What do you mean?" asked Mai suspiciously.

"Sadly, the boy's sentence has already been carried out."

"What sentence?" asked Mai softly, hardly daring to breathe.

Bakura allowed an evil look to replace the shocked one. "Death," he said, savouring the shocked look on Mai's face as she gasped. "By beheading."

Kiara saw the look on Mai's face and flung out a hand muttering a single, strangely powerful word.

"YOU** censored**!" yelled Mai, leaping forward. "HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

Bakura pushed her off of him and she collapsed to the floor.

Kiara swore, leaping to her feet and blowing on a high-pitched whistle. Joey came running, Serenity, Tristan, Duke and Tea not far behind. When he saw Mai on the floor, he ran to her. Crouching over her motionless form, he glared at Bakura.

"What have you done?" he asked, his voice like ice.

"Nothing much. _She_ attacked me." Bakura grinned, in a twisted, evil sort of way. "Is she dead?"

Mai moaned and her eyes flickered open.

Bakura looked distinctly disappointed. "Guess not. Ah, well, better luck next time."

"There won't BE a next time, pal," growled Tristan, picking Bakura up by his collar.

A pack of giant dogs leaped through the doors and efficiently knocked everyone to the floor, including Kaiba, who had entered just before to see what the yelling was about.

"OKAY!" yelled Kiara, the only person still standing. "Look here, you lot. NO VIOLENCE ALLOWED! No swearing either, Mai. Thankfully I managed to do some magic and preserve our ratings in time, but do _try _and remember."

Mai, who had just woken up to find Joey shielding her from a slobbery dog and was still rather shocked, nodded dumbly.

"What the hell just happened? And get this dog off of me!" growled Kaiba, pushing at the large Alsatian standing on his chest.

"Here Seto!" called Kiara. "What? So I name my guard dogs after fictional anime characters, what's the big deal?"

You could've heard crickets chirping.

Seto (the dog) bounded up to Kiara, stepping on Kaiba's chest with one of his hind legs as he pushed himself into a bound. Kaiba gasped in pain and then got quickly to his feet before any of the other dogs could do the same.

"Okay, let me explain. There has come to my attention the fact that this random little innocent – "

Bakura snorted, and got a water balloon in the face for his trouble.

"AHEM. This little innocent parody of mine is affecting… certain people."

Everyone turned and looked at Mai.

"So, I'd just like to warn you that you – " everyone was still watching Mai. "Should be aware that Bakura lies. A lot. So get over yourself. Joey is not dead, and you don't have to make an idiot out of yourself by declaring your true feelings – or close enough – on a video that is going to be widely distributed to insane people. That's the generic. There are one or two SANE people, but they hardly count! So. Everyone calm down, and let's get filming!" Kiara whistled piercingly to her dogs.

"Great." Tristan pushed the dog off of his chest. "Well, see y'all."

The rest of the group who had rushed in, trailed out looking embarrassed.

"I will never understand you mortals," sniffed Bakura, straightening his cloak and returning to his position.

"Shut up," Kiara waved a hand at him. "Mai, enough acting like you've just lost your memory. Get into place! Now, on my count – three, two, one, action!"

Bakura allowed the evil look to re-paste itself on his face. "Death," he said, savouring the shocked look on Mai's face as she gasped again. "By beheading."

"No!" whispered Mai.

"I am exceedingly sorry, princess." Bakura bowed again, a look of false concern replacing the evil one.

"How could you?" Mai gasped, and ran crying from the room.

Marik finally got out of the door. He grabbed a cable and soared up to Bakura's shoulder, coughing like he was about to keel over and die. As soon as he settled himself on Bakura's shoulder, however, the coughing stopped and he asked, "So, how did it go?" as though Bakura had just… asked Mai out or something.

Grinning, Bakura answered, "I think she took it… rather well."

Both man and man-bird smiled sinisterly.

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_Thanks for reading - please review!_

_-sweet grin- Please?_

_-holds up axe- PLEASE!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks to all those who reviewed! You okes are the SIKKEST!_

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**Disclaimer: It should be evident by NOW that I don't own YGO. **

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_Oh, and a moment of silence for the taking-down of Swappers, by GottaLoveJoey. It was really funny, and now it's gone! -pouts- nofair! I can't even think WHY they took it off. As far as I could see, she followed all the rules... okay, my rant/moment of silence is over. Feel free to continue

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Enjoy...

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"Smile… though your heart is breaking! Smile… even though it's aching!" _

Enjoy..."Smile… though your heart is breaking! Smile… even though it's aching!" 

"Are those even the real words?"

"Probably not." Kiara grinned. "But they're still fun to sing!"

"Ah." Bakura turned back to his sketch.

"What're you drawing?" Kiara looked over his shoulder.

"You," grunted Bakura.

"Getting hanged, I see."

"You're sick-minded, you know that?" Joey came up behind Bakura and looked at the drawing.

"Yes, thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Shut up, mortal. I'm trying to concentrate."

"Don't bother." Seto smirked. "Wheeler hasn't seen stuck to one thing long enough to know the meaning of the word."

"Why, I oughta – " Joey growled, but Tristan came up from behind him to hold him back.

"Oh, no you don't."

"Okay…" Kiara watched with an idly interested expression.

Bakura crumpled up his drawing in disgust. "I can't work with all this noise!" he complained.

"Get dressed for the next scene, Bakura."

"Don't you tell me what to – " A water balloon splashed him in the face.

"Nice aim," said Joey, pulling himself out of Tristan's grip. "Man, go easy on me, I ain't trying to kill anybody."

"Get used to it Wheeler. Have you even read the next scene?"

"Yes I have, Kaiba, and believe me I can't wait till it's over."

"Why, so that your humiliation will end?"

"No, because then yours will begin."

"Walked into that one, Kaiby-Waiby!" sang Kiara, grinning.

"_What_ did you just call me?"

"Kaiby-Waiby… is there a problem, dear one?"

Kaiba growled. "If you _must _call me anything, I'd suggest sticking with 'Kaiba'… though I'll accept 'sir'."

"Do lovers call each other by last names, dear one?" asked Kiara, her face almost splitting in half from her gleeful smile.

"**_WHAT_**?"

Kiara fell out her chair she was laughing so hard. Gasping for air, she pulled herself up. Stifling her laughter, though still unable to stop smiling, she turned to Kaiba. "I said…"

"_I heard what you damn well said!_"

"Oh, good, honeycakes. I was worried you might have a hearing problem."

"You are the _most annoying human to have ever existed_, you know that, right?"

"Oh, Seto!" Kiara flushed. "I didn't know you cared!"

"What? That was an insult you idiot!"

"Kaiba." Kiara's face was dead serious. "I'd give up right now. Resistance is useless… you know where your heart lies."

"**_NOT WITH_** **_YOU!_**" yelled Kaiba, going slightly red.

"He's blushing!" taunted Joey.

"SHUT UP WHEELER!"

"And he's embarrassed!" Joey was almost as gleeful as Kiara.

He and Tristan began to dance around Kaiba chanting, "Kaiba's in lo-ove! Kaiba's in lo-ove! Kaiba's in lo-ove! Kaiba's in lo-ove! Kaiba's in lo-ove!"

Kiara laughed. "I knew he'd see it my way."

"CURSE YOU!" yelled Kaiba, glaring at Kiara.

"I love you too baby." Kiara blew him a kiss.

He ran from the room, knocking Tristan to the ground.

Kiara burst out laughing. "I love winding him up… and it's so easy to do."

"You don't really like him?"

"Oh, yeah, sure I like him, but there'll always be someone else who comes first in my heart." Kiara smiled.

"Oh, okay. Who?"

"It's a secret."

"Come _on_!"

"Fine, but don't blame me for the consequences." Kiara whispered something in Joey's ear.

He turned bright red. "I think you've made your point."

"Thanks, dear." Kiara bounced up and down on her chair. "MAAAAAAAAAAAI! Let's get started!"

"Sure." Mai had been _very_ subdued since the last scene.

"Okay, PLACES!" Kiara bellowed.

Everyone went where they were supposed to be.

Kiara picked up her ornamental video camera. "Action!"

The scene was in the palace gardens. Mai was sitting at the edge of the fountain, crying. Duke, as Rajah, came up to comfort her, and she stroked his fur.

"It's all my fault, Rajah. I didn't even know his name," she whispered softly, and then buried her head in Duke's fur to weep her eyes out.

"Ah, get over it," snarled Marik. "I hate tragedy."

"Marik, shut up." Mai glared at him.

"Why should I?" A water balloon hit him off of the chair where he sat.

"That's why," said Kiara sweetly. "Now, Joey, get into place."

Joey mock saluted. "Yes, ma'am."

"He's such a nice boy," Kiara commented to Mai and Serenity, both of whom nodded.

"What?" Joey stared suspiciously at them.

"Nothing, Joey, don't worry about it." Serenity grinned.

"That's when I start to get worried."

Kiara restored semi-order by beginning to juggle water balloons in a very menacing way.

Joey went to his place, and Tristan chained him to the wall. Kaiba, who had reappeared when Kiara's attention was diverted, snickered.

Joey's eyes narrowed. "Just you wait, Kaiba. Your day is coming," he growled, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"Oh, look, I'm shaking." Kaiba sneered. "Or not."

"Shnookums!" Kiara half-shrieked, flinging herself across the room at Kaiba.

"Ha ha, loser." Joey grinned. "He falls for it every time."

Kiara proceeded to chase Kaiba around the room, a gleeful grin pasted on her face.

"Get… away!" panted Kaiba, backing away.

"Wimp." Joey grinned at Kaiba.

"_Such_ a nice boy." Kiara smiled at concerned boy thus giving Kaiba a narrow window of escape. He took it, and was out of the room before you could say '_'fraidy-cat_'.

"Ah, the humour of it all," sighed Kiara, not even slightly breathless. "Now, ACTION!"

The scene was in the palace dungeons. Rats scurried overhead, and Kiara moved her ornamental camera down to the bottom of the cell, where Joey hung, chained to the wall.

"She was the princess. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so _stupid_ to her!" he berated himself, rattling his chains.

Yugi perched on the windowsill of the high, barred dungeon window. "Yoo-hoo! Aladdin? Hello!" he called in the monkey-voice, his voice echoing down to Joey.

Jeoy grinned. "Abu! Down here! Hey, c'mon - help me outta these." He rattled his chains again.

Yugi stopped in front of Joey, and then began chattering wildly, dropping to the ground. He wrapped his waistcoat around his head and made his eyes big in an imitation of the princess.

"I do not look like that!" protested Mai, and got a water balloon in the face for her trouble.

"Hey, she was in trouble. Ah, she was worth it." Joey sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Yugi rolled his eyes and sprang up onto Joey's shoulder. There, he pulled a small set of tools out of his pocket, which he used to free Joey.

"Don't worry, Abu. I'll never see _her_ again. I'm a street rat, remember, and there's a law. She's gotta marry a prince. She deserves it."

Yugi finally unlocked the final handcuff. "Ta da!

Joey dropped to the ground. Rubbing his wrists, he sighed. "I'm a – I'm a fool."

Thankfully, Kaiba was not in the room to take advantage of that opportunity to make fun of Joey.

An old man hobbled out of the shadows. "You're only a fool if you give up, boy."

Everyone looked at Kiara quizzically, but she shook her head and put a finger to her lips.

"Who are you?" asked Joey.

"A lowly prisoner, like yourself. But together, perhaps we can be more." The old man hobbled closer.

"I'm listening," said Joey warily.

"There is a cave, boy. A cave of wonders. Filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams. Treasure enough to impress even your prin_cess_, I'd wager." The old man grinned.

Behind the man, so Joey cannot see, Marik popped his head out of the back of what is evidently a disguise. "Jafar, can ya hurry it up? I'm dyin' in here!" he whispered, but 'Jafar', a.k.a. Bakura, just pushed him back into the disguise.

"But the law says that only a prince can marry – " began Joey.

"You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you boy? Whoever has the gold makes the rules." The old man grinned, showing hideously bad teeth.

"I LOVE that line!" Kiara yelled, throwing a bright pink streamer across the room. It settled on a pile of chains that would otherwise have looked menacing, but now looked ridiculous.

By now everyone was used to this sort of thing, and thus there was minimal interruption in the flow of the scene.

"So why would you share all of this wonderful treasure with me?" asked Joey, still dubious.

"I need a young man with strong legs and a strong back to go in after it," the old man explained.

"Ah, one problem. It's out _there_, we're in _here_." Joey pointed out.

The old man walked up to the wall and pushed his stick against it. An escape route opened up. "Mmm, mmm, mmm. Things aren't always what they seem. So, do we have a deal?"

* * *

_Do note, next time you watch Aladdin, that Jafar and the old man both pronounce 'princess' as "prin-CESS" rather than the standard pronunciation of "PRIN-cess." It's interesting… and a complete giveaway, if you spot it._

_Just an interesting point. -grin-_

_Thanks for reading!_

_Please review... I LIKE reviews!_

_:meow:  
straykitty_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hey there! Thanks for the reviews - you guys ROCK!_

_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. Please, would I be writing a parody if I did? I also do not own Aladdin, or Disney.

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****_Chapter 10_**

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"No!"

"Say it!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"_NO!_"

"_SAY IT!_"

"_NO!_"

"_SAY IT!_"

"**_NO!_**"

"**_SAY IT!_**"

"**_NEVER_**!"

"**_SAY_** – "

"MERCY!"

"I win." Kiara disengaged her hands from Kaiba's, which she had just twisted so that he would ask for mercy. Obviously, he had refused, but Kiara was patient with that sort of thing. Seriously. Some people are just harder to break than others. Patience will get you everywhere.

"Oh, come on." Kaiba rubbed his wrists.

"Sore losers don't make good – "

"Shut up."

"Want to play again?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Aw, come on. Cowards don't make good – "

"WOULD YOU GET OVER THAT ALREADY?"

"No."

"You're infuriating, you know that?"

"Of course I do."

Kaiba threw up his hands and retreated to the corner where Mokuba sat.

Kiara grinned. "You're so much fun to torment."

"Worse luck." Kaiba scowled.

"Here. It's finished." Bakura held out his sketch.

"Oh, Bakura! It's beautiful!" Kiara's face broke into a huge smile.

Bakura scowled. "It's a picture of you being hanged."

"I know, but look at this artwork! You put in so much effort! I didn't know you cared."

"I always put a lot of work in my assassinations. If you don't put in work, it'll just backfire on you," he said sagely.

"You assassinated people?" asked Yami.

"No one important." Bakura grinned. "Well, not to you anyway. I was a thief primarily."

"Right. Sure."

"You know, as fascinating as that is, it's off the point." Kiara shrugged. "So, guess what, Weevie?"

"What?"

"I'm going to mistreat you some more."

"Great." Weevil stared moodily at the wall.

"Glad you're so enthusiastic. Right, now go and ready the desert again!"

"What? Again?"

"Yup, again."

"Ah, man."

"JOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEY!"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ready?"

"Ready for the scene that begins Kaiba's humiliation? Are you kidding me?"

"No, just asking rhetorical questions."

"Sure."

"SHIIIIIIIIIZUUUU!"

"Yes?"

"Get ready. You're my cave again."

"Oh, okay."

"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"…"

"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIII!"

"…"

"YUUUUUU – "

"Shut up!" yelled Tea.

"No, you shut up. YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU – "

"He's over here." Joey pointed. Yugi waved from his perch on one of the black chairs.

"Well, why didn't you answer me?"

"He's lost his voice."

"WHAT?"

Yugi sighed and shrugged.

Kiara groaned. "It just has to happen to me, doesn't it?"

"Was that a rhetorical question?"

"Yes."

"Oh, good."

Kiara sighed. "Hmm… so, whom can I replace Yugi with until his voice comes back?"

"I think he's pretending," sneered Marik.

"That's nice," said Kiara distractedly. "Hey, where's Ryou?"

"Here I am."

"Dear boy, would you come a little closer?"

Ryou moved forward hesitantly. "Um…"

"Great." Kiara whipped out her pink wand and, before Ryou could protest, waved it over him.

"Cool." Bakura looked down at the small white-haired figure. "I want one of those."

"Oh, shut up." Ryou sighed.

"Okay, Ryou, you're Abu until Yugi gets better. Learn your script." Pages appeared in Ryou's hands. "Everyone else, you have a five minute break."

**5 minutes later**

"ACTION!"

Joey led the horse on which the old man sat through the desert. They soon reached the Cave of Wonders.

"Who disturbs my slumber?" roared Ishizu.

"It is I, Aladdin," said Joey nervously.

"Proceed. Touch nothing but the lamp," Ishizu instructed. The Cave opened up with a rumbling noise, and the staircase formed before Joey.

"Remember, boy – first fetch me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!"

"C'mon, Abu," said Joey, more to hear the sound of his own voice than to comfort Ryou, who was hiding under the shoulder of his vest.

He began to descend the staircase. When he reached the bottom, he entered a golden chamber filled with treasure.

"Would ya look at that!" he marvelled. "Just a handful of this stuff would make me richer than Moneybags!"

A water balloon hit his back, splashing Ryou. "The SULTAN! Richer than the SULTAN!"

"Right." Joey refocused. "Just a handful of this stuff would make me richer than the Sultan!"

Ryou peeked out, saw the treasure, and bolted down Joey's arm towards it.

"Abu!" Joey yelled.

Ryou stopped in mid-run, hovering over a rug on the floor.

"Don't...touch...anything!" Joey said, walking forwards. Ryou fell down onto the carpet and managed to look slightly ashamed. "We gotta find that lamp."

They carried on through the room. Behind them, the carpet rose up off the floor and began to follow them.

Ryou got the weird tingling feeling between his shoulder blades that meant they were being followed. "Huh?" He turned, and the carpet lay flat on the floor. He shook himself and continued walking. As soon as his back was turned, the carpet began to shadow him again. Ryou whipped him head around again, the tingling feeling increasing, but the carpet was too quick for him, and rolled itself up against a pile of treasure. Ryou rant to Joey and tugged on his pants leg. "Aladdin! Aladdin!"

"Abu, will you knock it off?" Joey asked, a trifle irritably.

They carried on walking, and the carpet rose into the air once more. When Ryou turned, the carpet jumped over him, so that his back was to it. It reached down a tassel and pulled Ryou's stick-on tail. Ryou jumped around, landing in a karate stance, but the carpet swooped to hover behind his back. The carpet plucked Ryou's hat off of his head, and then put it on itself, where it's head would've been. Ryou sat down, utterly confused, until the carpet waved a tassel in front of his face. Ryou jumped, and the carpet jumped too, and flew away to hide behind a pile of gold. Ryou tackled Joey and turned his head to look at the carpet.

"Abu, what are you – crazy?"

The carpet peeked out from behind its treasure-pile.

Joey stared. "A magic carpet! C'mon. C'mon out. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"He's real," Kiara informed them all. "His name is Ed, and he's a personal friend of mine. He very kindly agreed to do the cameo.

"A personal friend?"

"Yeah, he came from the same deranged mind I did… we have much in common."

Everyone looked at Ed the magic carpet with respect. Much in common – that could mean anything from torture to simple insanity, and nobody wanted to be one the other end of TWO like Kiara.

"Continue," Kiara said, waving a hand and ignoring the strange looks she was getting. After all, it's not every day one meets someone who is personal friends with a carpet, magic or no.

Ed, who had waited patiently for Kiara to finish, came shyly out from his hiding place. He picked up Ryou's hat and dusted it off with one of his tassels before flying over to Joey and handing the hat to Ryou, who screeched and leapt onto Joey's shoulder to get out of reach.

"Take it easy, Abu. He's not gonna bite," Joey said. Ed picked up Ryou's hat and gave it to him, but Ryou shook his fist and screeched angrily at him.

"I love it when they follow the script and don't make a fuss," sighed Kiara. "Unlike YOU!" she added, glaring at Marik.

"Who me?" he asked innocently.

"Shut up."

Ed began to walk sadly away from Joey and Ryou, but Joey called out to him.

"Hey, wait a minute. Don't go. Maybe you can help us!"

Ed looked back, excited, then flew over and wrapped himself around the pair.

"Hey, whoa!" Joey grinned, and Ed disengaged. "You see, we're trying to find this lamp."

Ed motioned for them to follow him.

"I think he knows where it is!" said Joey excitedly. Following Ed, they pass through a long cave, until they enter an under ground cavern. In the centre of the room was a pillar, with a stone staircase leading all the way to the top. The tower is surrounded by water, but there are some unevenly placed tones that form a bridge over it. At the top of the pillar, something stands in a beam of light.

"Haaaah!" Kiara waved her hands through the air. _(A/N: like in the movies when they show some treasure or something, that "haaaaaa" sound. You know what I mean! I know you do!)_

Ignoring her interruption, Joey began to cross the bridge, jumping from stone to stone. "Wait here," he told Ryou.

"Oh. Huh?" Ryou noticed a golden monkey statue with a giant ruby in it's outstretched paws. Hypnotically drawn to it, Ryou began to walk forward.

Joey continued to walk quickly up the stairs, not noticing what Ryou was doing.

Ed, on the other hand, did notice, and tried to stop the small albino by pulling on his fake tail.

Joey finally reaches the top, and stares at the small lamp, identical to the one Tristan first got shiny sand out of in the first chapter.

"This is it? This is what we came all the way down here to – " he looked down at Ryou, only to see him break free of Ed and lunge for the jewel. " ABU! NO!"

Ryou grabbed the jewel, and the suddenly the entire set began to shake.

"Infidels!" roared Ishizu angrily.

"Uh oh!" said Ryou, looking at the jewel as if seeing it for the first time.

"You have touched the forbidden treasure!" growled Ishizu.

Ryou replaced the ruby, but it was too late. Both the ruby and the golden monkey began to melt into lava.

"Now you will never again see the light of day!"

Joey began to race down the stairs, but they flattened into a ramp, causing him to stumble, but he righted himself just in time and skied down the slope. The floor heaved, throwing Joey into the air. The water around the tower had turned to lava, and Joey was plummeting right at it, flailing his arms.

Then, it was Ed to the rescue, swooping up under Joey and catching him.

Ryou was standing on one of the rocks of the bridge that led to the tower. He turns left and right, frantically seeking a way out, but the rocks to his left and right are exploding… and the next one to go is the one he is standing on. Ed spotted his waving arms and raced over, allowing Joey to yank Ryou onto the carpet, just before the rock exploded.

"Whoa! Ed –"

"CALL HIM CARPET!" yelled Kiara, and everyone jumped. In the chaos of trying to avoid the lava that was seeping around the floor, they had forgotten all about her.

"Right! Whoa! Carpet, let's move!" yelled Joey, and together they raced through the collapsing cave, dodging walls and falling debris. Ryou grabbed Joey's head in panic, trying to stay on. His hands accidentally closed over Joey's eyes.

"Abu, this is no time to panic!" Joey pulled Ryou from his head and saw that they were flying straight into a wall. He gulped. "Start panicking."

Ed went into a dive, then through another cave. Finally, they emerged through the internal entrance. Outside, the cave began to growl and close. Ed and company are almost to the top when a boulder dropped on Ed sending him to the floor. Joey grabbed onto the rock wall and held on for dear life. He sees the old man at the top, within reach.

"Help me out!"

"Throw me the lamp!" yelled the man.

"I can't hold on. Give me your hand!" Joey called back, his feet scrabbling wildly against the rock wall. Mai and Serenity clutched at each other, staring fiercely at him as though that could give him strength.

"First give me the lamp!" commanded the old man persistently.

Joey reached into his pocket and drew out the lamp. He held it out to the old man, who took it and held it up over his head in triumph.

"Ha ha ha ha! Yes! At last! Ha ha ha ha!" Lightning flashed behind the old man as he laughs. Joey heaved himself halfway out of the cavern with the help of Ryou, but the old man kicked Ryou aside and grabbed Joey's wrist.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked, now dangling once more over the cavern.

"Giving you your reward." Bakura returned to his normal voice, and several people behind Kiara gasped. "Your _eternal_ reward."

He pulled out a crooked dagger and was about to stab Joey, when Ryou bites him on the wrist. He screamed and let go of Joey, who falls into the cave.

Mai and Serenity screamed.

Bakura ignored them and threw Ryou into the cave as well. "Meddlesome light!"

SPLASH!

"Will the penut gallery please shut up?" Kiara snapped, turning to face Mai and Serenity, who were now sopping. Bakura had also received a water balloon on the shoulder. "And you, no ad-libbing!" added Kiara, pointing at Bakura before yelling "ACTION!"

Joey and Ryou, who have been suspended in an anti-gravity bubble, began to fall again. Ed struggled to save them, but the boulder that pinned him down was heavy. He struggled and then, quite suddenly, broke free. He raced up to catch Joey, but he has already hit the wall a few times as he fell (each accompanied by a stifled gasps from Mai and Serenity) and was now unconscious.

On the surface, the Ishizu roared one final time, and then the Cave sank back into the sand. Bakura pulled off his disguise.

"Heh heh heh! It's mine. It's all mine! I – " he put his hand in his pocket and then his face paled slightly. " – where is it? No. NO!"

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_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_The EVILness of cliffhangers! HOORAY!_

_Right. -ahem-_

_Please review... the lil' button won't bite. -glares at button- And if it does..._

_-button hides behind this: OOO-_

_Hey! Come back here you lil' varmint! You have to actually BE here so they can click on you!_

_-button reappears- Good button! Now review!_

_:meow:  
straykitty_


	11. Chapter 11

_Hey there! I just came back from tour! I haven't felt this clean in AGES! Yes, it was **that** kind of tour. The crawl-in-the-mud, jump-in-the-lake, smelly-as-hell kind. But it was FUUUUN! YEAH! Thanks to all those who reviewed and, a double thanks to **Bananawings72** for giving me the inspiration to come up with **SHMEXINESS**!__

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**Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. I also don't iPods... I don't even own AN iPod! I also don't ownthe "The (insert animal here) Went Over the Mountain"song. Pity, though.**_

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Tap… tap… tap…_

"Would you stop that?"

_Tap… tap… tap…_

"I asked you to stop that!"

_Tap… tap… tap…_

"STOP IT!"

Kiara smiled cheekily and tapped her pencil on the armrest of her director's chair again. _Tap… tap… tap…_

"All I want… is a little quiet. Is that so hard?"

"What's the magic word?"

"Abracadabra?"

"No, the _other_ one."

"Shazaam?"

"You're only lengthening your agony, Kaiba-boy."

"Now you just sound like Pegasus."

_Tap… tap… tap…_

"Alright fine." Kaiba looked tired. He leant down and whispered something in Kiara's ear.

"WHAT?" Kiara yelled.

Kaiba stared at her.

"DID SETO KAIBA JUST SAY – "

Kaiba clamped his hand over Kiara's mouth. A moment later he drew it back hastily and wiped it on his trench coat.

He gave Kiara a flat look. "That's disgusting."

She smiled angelically. "I know."

"What?"

Tristan smacked Duke over the head. "Shut up, you idiot. We're trying to watch!"

"Have no TV, will improvise," said Joey, grinning.

"She LICKED me!" yelled Kaiba, ignoring Tristan and Joey and pointing at Kiara.

Kiara licked her lips. "You taste _good_." She grinned in the same vampire-ish manner that was usually associated with Bakura.

"Ba-a-a-a-a-ad mental image…!" Joey rubbed his eyes as though trying to scrub the image off of them. "So wrong… so wrong… so, so horribly wrong!"

"What is, big brother?" asked Serenity, concerned.

"Huh – oh, nothing." Joey shot Tristan a look, but he needn't have bothered. The other was looking at him with the bewildered expression on Serenity's face mirrored on his own.

"I got it." Bakura scowled. "That IS wrong. Thanks a lot, Wheeler."

"Trust me, I'm regretting it myself."

"What the hell are you lot TALKING about?" cried Tea, frustration evident on her face.

"You're just the tiniest bit sick-minded Wheeler," observed Marik. "I think I'm starting to like you."

"As weird as this conversation is, I think we'd better get going… we have a film to make, peoples!" Kiara grinned. "Although I'm enjoying seeing the flabbergasted looks on Serenity, Tristan and Tea's faces."

"You're sick, mutt. You just are." Kaiba scowled.

"Okay, babe, the joke is over now."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"I LOVE irritating you!"

"It gets better and better, doesn't it?"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! MAI DEARY?"

"Yes?" Mai poked her head through the door.

"PLEEEEEEEEEASE getontheset!"

"Uh, sure."

"Great." Kiara looked around, and then her eyes narrowed. "Bakura."

"Yes?"

"Go out the door, turn left and go through the first door that you some to. The find the green door and fetch Yami from the room within."

"Sure." Bakura grinned.

"Oh, and Bakura?"

"Yes?"

"Do enlighten the poor lad. He seems to have forgotten that _I_ am the only one who controls who comes and goes around here."

Bakura's smile widened. "How does Ryou say it? Okie-dokie!"

"You're ever-so-cute when you do that."

Bakura made a face and left.

"Right… break until 'Kura-cake comes bake. I mean back."

"Riiiiight." Kaiba reached into his pocket and drew out… an iPod.

"No. Way. You had an iPod here this whole time?" Joey stared at the small blue appliance in Seto's hand. "You had an iPod and you didn't use it."

"And so?" Kaiba casually plugged his headphones in and pushed them into his ears. "I'm not a slave to technology. Like _some_ people," he added snidely.

"You? Not a slave? Go sell it to someone else, Kaiba. Your whole life is technology." Joey considered this. "And trying to be the biggest jerk possible. But, yeah, mostly technology."

"And duelling," added Tristan.

"And Mokuba." Téa smiled at the small, black-haired boy.

"And the Blue-Eyes White Dragon," said Mai, pushing a stray black hair over her shoulder.

"And refusing to believe in anything that does not conform with his ideas about the world." Ishizu smiled sweetly at Kaiba.

"And – " began Duke, but Joey interrupted him.

"SHUT UP! You're missing the point… anyway; Kaiba's being a bit of hypocrite is what I'm saying. Or _trying_ to." Joey raked his fingers through his hair.

"Geez, just trying to help." Tristan looked miffed.

"Well, stop trying so hard. You'll hurt yourself." Joey ducked his friend's swipe and laughed.

"Found him!" announced Bakura, entering through a side door that had not been there a moment ago dragging Yami behind him. He stopped dead and raised an eyebrow. "Did I miss something?"

"Not much, just the mutt trying to be clever… a failure if I ever saw one." Kaiba snorted and turn up the volume on his iPod.

"Why I oughta…!" began Joey, but was interrupted by Kiara's yelling.

"…AND YOU JUST DISAPPEAR? I WAS GETTING PHONE CALLS FROM WORRIED FAN-GIRLS, YOU IDIOT! THEY ALL THINK I MURDERED YOU OR SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT! WHY ARE YOU SO INSENSITIVE? TELL ME THIS! WHY? AND WHY ARE YOU SO VERY, VERY, VERY **THICK**!" Kiara paused for breath, glaring at the speechless Yami.

"Uh… Kiara?"

"Yes?" Kiara turned to Tristan, one eyebrow arched in a devastating show of dangerous politeness.

"I think Yami's in shock. He's never been shouted at like this before."

"Well, Pharaoh, how do you like that?" Kiara grinned and looked meaningfully at Bakura and Marik, who were both rolling on the floor, positively howling with laughter.

Yami stared at them for one very long moment…

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Kiara swore very, very loudly. Repeatedly.

Serenity turned pink.

Tea went green.

Tristan raised an eyebrow. "That's a new one."

"Thank you, Trisssssssssssss…." Kiara flapped her hands at the ball of dust, fists and yelps as Yami's hair poked people, as though chivvying it along. The three fighters flew apart. Marik crashed into Ishizu, and the two landed in a heap in the corner. Bakura flew upwards, bounced off the ceiling and hit the point of Tristan's hair. He collapsed to the floor, rubbing his bleeding stomach. For some reason, the blood appeared to be pink. No, no, wait, now it's orange…

Yami flew into a box and bounced out once again wearing his sultan costume. He landed next to Mai on the set, turban askew.

"Bakura, stop bleeding all over the place. Yami, fix your turban. Marik…"

"Out cold," filled in Ishizu.

"Great stuff." Kiara rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Now, Kaiba – "

"You called me Kaiba." Kaiba stared at Kiara.

"That's your name, innit?" Kiara cocked her head to the left.

"Well, surname, actually…"

"But it IS your name, yes?'

"Yes."

"So what's the problem?"

"No… no problem." Kaiba looked slightly shell-shocked.

"I've got someone new to – "

"Pick on?"

"You could say that. Now go get changed."

Kaiba left, still shaking his head in wonder.

Joey came up to Kiara. "This is it, right? Kaiba's time to be Genie?"

"Yes, it is." An evil smile flashed across Kiara's face. "Don't worry, I never said I wouldn't pick on him DURING filming. I'm just getting tired of calling that ungrateful punk 'babe'."

Joey looked relieved. "Don't scare me like that!"

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try." Kiara grinned as Joey went back to Tristan, shaking his head.

There was a yell, and Kaiba fell through the door. His entire body was covered in green paint.

"Oooooh, shmeeeeeeeexyyy." Kiara grinned.

"Kaiba? Sexy?" Joey rolled his eyes. "And I thought you had a little sense in that area."

"Not SEXY, SHMEXY!" Kiara grinned even wider at the green Kaiba. "And I was being ironic!"

"Good."

"Do you even know what ironic _means_, mutt?"

"I wouldn't say a word, Moneybags… _Genie_-bags. I have a cell-phone capable of taking photos."

"Eff you, mutt."

"Eff?" Joey raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, eff. I can't say the four letter word because of her," he pointed at Kiara, "and her stupid ratings!

Kiara moved her eyebrows up and down, twice. "Great, fab, amazing… Let's ro-o-o-o-oll! Yami, Mai?"

"Ready."

"Of course you are. ACTION!"

The scene is of Jasmine's bedroom. Mai is sitting on her bed, next to Duke. Yami walked… well, let's be honest here… _waddled_ into the room.

"Jasmine? Oh, dearest! What's wrong?"

Mai looked up at Yami with tear-stained eyes. "Jafar has... done something... terrible."

"There, there, there, my child - we'll set it right. Now, tell me everything." Yami sat down on the bed next to Mai and tried to look comforting.

"YAMI!"

"Yes?"

"HOW SHMEXY DO YOU FEEEEEEEEEEL?"

"What?"

"HOW SHMEXY?"

"Um… very?"

"Good answer."

"Right. Um, Yugi?"

"Yes?"

"What does shmexy mean?"

"Shmexy? No idea. Kiara probably made it up."

"I did. I went on tour… and discovered my inner SHMEXY BEAST!" A big spotlight fell on Kiara.

Ouch.

We will have a musical interlude while Kiara gets the spotlight back up in the roof.

_THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA goat went over the MOUNtain, the goat went over the MOUNtain, the goat went over the MOUNtain… to see what it could see! And all that it could see, and all that it could see, was the other side of the MOUNtain, the other side of the MOUNtain, the other side of the MOU-OUNTAAAAAAAAAAAYN… was all that he could see!_

Thank you for being so understanding… The spotlight is now fixed.

"Phew. Thank goodness that's over." Tristan shook his head like a dog trying to get water out of its' ears.

"Sorry Trisssssssssssss."

"Would you PLEASE stop hissing my name?"

"No, Trisssssssssssss. It's too fun!"

"I thought that might be the answer," said Tristan gloomily.

"Okay, let's get ON with it, I want to see Genie-Kaiba!"

**WHUMPH.**

"Oh, great, no lights!"

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_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! _

_R&R, peoples! You know the drill!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey there, sportsfans! Um... nevermind. -.-_''

_So here we are with a new LO-O-O-O-O-O-ONG chapter! YAY! AND it has KAIBA-GENIE in it! CELEBRATE!_

_Thanks to all who read&reviewed... and please don't hesitate to continue! (reviewing, I mean!) Enjoy:

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**Disclaimer: Me no own YGO. -sigh- What a pity...!**_

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"Oh, great, no lights! WEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIL!"

"Yes?" came a voice from above.

"You pushed the spotlight, didn't you?"

"So what if I did?"

A Cheshire-cat grin appeared in the darkness. "I think you're going to pay dearly for that. Now, fix the lights. Everyone else, STAY WHERE YOU ARE. Have a nap, or something. This will take a while.

**One Hour Later**

The lights came back on, flooding the room in a sultry, purplish glow.

"So, Tristan… you doing anything tonight?" Kiara winked.

"Why?" Tristan had the look of a purple rabbit being closed in on by a hungry fox.

Kiara giggled. "Just messing with you. Lights!" The lighting returned to normal.

"Oh, good." Tristan still looked slightly rabbity, though no longer purple.

"BAKURA!"

"What?" Bakura turned from the new door in the wall, which he had just been about to enter.

"I wouldn't go in THERE if I were you. That's Weevil's Naughty Corner, designed by yours truly."

"Naughty Corner?"

Kiara shrugged. "I was in a hurry. If anyone can come up with a slightly more menacing title that hints at the terror within, I'm listening."

"Great. I'll think about it." Bakura grinned. You could almost see the names beginning to float around his head.

"Can we get to the scene already?" Joey was watching green Kaiba with a slightly wolfish look.

"Can't wait for Kaiba's ultimate humiliation, can ya? 'Course not." Kiara smiled and patted Joey's cheek comfortingly. "All in good time."

Joey stared at her, and then raised an eyebrow, but Kiara was no longer paying attention.

She rummaged around under her director's chair, and pulled out a long, pink balloon. She stared at it for a moment. "I wondered where I'd put that. Oh, well…" she threw it over her shoulder and continued to rummage. "Ah HA!" She triumphantly held up a brown briefcase.

Everyone stared. It was obvious they were expecting something just the _tiniest_ bit more interesting than a briefcase.

Kiara ignored them, and walked over to Kaiba. He was listening to his iPod and watching Mokuba playing patience, so he didn't see her coming.

Kiara set the briefcase down ever so gently, the opened it and removed a long, purple-and-green spotted staff. She waved it over Kaiba's head and began to mutter.

Kaiba began to get the inkling of something to being right. He jumped to his feet… or tried to, but the staff was in his way and he fell down in a heap, a spectacular-looking purple-and-green bruise forming on his head.

"Behold!" commanded Kiara, waving a hand impressively over the prone Kaiba.

Nothing happened.

"I _said_, behold!" Kiara waved her hand again.

"Uh, is something supposed to happen?" asked Duke.

"You, shut up." Kiara rolled her eyes upwards. "This thing has no sense of occasion!"

"Hur-hmmm-na?" muttered Kaiba.

"Oh, the heck with it… ILLUSION – UP!" There was a puff of orange smoke, and with strobe lights flashing within, and Kaiba woke up.

"Wha – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He had grown in size, to float above Kiara.

"Everyone, meet Kaiba the genie!"

The gang stared. Kaiba was now huge, blue, and angry.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're playing at?" he asked Kiara angrily.

"You're genie... I'm just giving you the necessary look." She shrugged. "You're as fit as a fiddle. And watch _this_!" She pulled a remote control out of her pocket and pressed a button in Kaiba's direction.

He shrank and turned into a guinea pig. A blue guinea pig, but a guinea pig nonetheless.

"PRICELESS!" yelled Joey, whipping a cell phone out of his pocket and snapping a picture. "I'll treasure that forever!"

"You said it, man!" laughed Tristan. "I see it now… Kaiba, the Amazing Performing Guinea Pig!"

They collapsed into howls of helpless laughter.

"This is pathetic," said Kaiba-the-guinea-pig, his voice high-pitched and squeaky to match his size. "Change me back."

"I quite like you like this," mused Kiara, picking him up and giggling. "I think, after the show, I'll make you like this permanently."

"No! You wouldn't… think of Mokuba!" Kaiba wriggled desperately. "Let me GO!" he squeaked.

"Now, now, Kaiba…" Kiara placed him gently in a rabbit hutch. "You're to STAY PUT until the scene starts, okay. Otherwise it's permanent guinea-pig for _you_!"

"In a rabbit hutch?"

"I was multi-tasking, forgive me mine error." Kiara waved a hand over the cage, and it turned into a big hamster cage, compete with little wheel to run on.

"I'm going to be scarred for life," muttered Kaiba, but he sat down obediently and began to focus all his anger into a glare at Joey.

"Good stuff!" Kiara rubbed her hands together and cackled, evil-scientist style. "Let's get going already! Yugi! Joey! Ed! Kaiba! Me! Great, everyone's HERE! ON WITH THE SHOW!"

"Must you _yell_?" snapped Kaiba.

"YES!" Kiara turned to Yugi, Ed and Joey, who had flopped down onto the sandy floor and was looking up at Ed, who was standing over him and gesturing. Kiara raised an eyebrow, then looked down at Yugi. "You got your voice back?"

"Yes, thank goodness." Yugi smiled.

"Idiot," muttered Kaiba.

"Great!" Kiara sat down, ignoring Kaiba. "ACTION!"

Ed, who was now underneath Joey, rippled and then lay quite still. Joey closed his eyes, pretending to be unconscious.

Yugi shook his shoulder, trying to wake him, saying, "Oh, oh… Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin."

Ed rose up, lifting Joey to his feet. He awoke slowly, rubbing his head. "Oh, my head!" He looked at the sealed-up entrance. "We're trapped!" He angrily shook a fist at the place where the hole should have been. "That two faced son-of-a-jackal!"

He sighed and said, more calmly, "Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp."

"Aha!" corrected Yugi, drawing the lamp out of some secret hiding place.

"Why, you hairy little thief!" Joey grinned, taking the proffered lamp. "Looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there's something written here, but it's hard to make out."

He rubbed at the side of the lamp, and suddenly smoke began to come out of the opening. The lamp began to shake and glow. Joey gripped tighter, holding onto the squirming lamp. There was a strange green flash from the hamster cage, which no one noticed, and Kaiba came pouring out of the lamp.

He sat in mid-air, staring around him. "What happened?"

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! Three water balloons flew through the air and hit their mark, soaking Kaiba.

"Stick to the script! Or it's back to the hamster cage for you!" Kiara threatened.

"No! This is the most degrading – " SPLASH!

"Some people never learn," she observed to Tristan, who was standing next to her and trying to stifle his laughter at Kaiba. "Oh, well." She pointed her remote at Kaiba, and he yelped.

"What was THAT?"

"A harmless, encouraging shock." Kiara grinned. "I suggest you say the lines, Kaiba."

Kaiba sighed a defeated sigh. "Fine. Put me back in the lamp and I'll start over."

"Good boy."

Kaiba returned to the lamp, and then came out again. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! OY! Ten thousand years will give ya _such_ a crick in the neck!"

He reached out and, grinning, hung Joey on a nearby rock. "Hang there a sec, mutt. OUCH!"

"Stick to the script, Kaiba."

Kaiba scowled and continued. He pulled his head off and spun it around, yelling as he did so. Ed pulled Joey down.

"WHO-O-O-O-O-O-AH! Does it feel good to be outta there!" Kaiba pulled the lamp-end of himself as a microphone, ignoring the gang, who were currently laughing hysterically. "Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from?" He stuck the mic in Joey's face. "What's your name?"

Joey looked dumbstruck. Kaiba was _wa-a-a-a-a-ay_ out of character… He shook himself and stuttered out his line. "Uh, Al – uh – Aladdin.

Kaiba grimaced, then said "Aladdin!" like he'd just discovered something amazing.

Kiara pressed a button on her armrest, and a neon sign appeared next to Kaiba with 'ALADDIN' on it in big letter, surrounded by chase lights.

"Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'Al?'" The sign changed, the 'ADDIN' disappearing to leave 'AL'. "Or maybe just 'Din?'" The sign changed again, this time dropping the 'ALAD'. "Or how bout 'Laddi?'" suggested Kaiba. "It fits with the dog persona. OW!" The sign changed again, leaving out the beginning 'A' and the end 'N'.

Kiara pressed the remote, and Kaiba disappeared, then reappeared as a blue dog wrapped in a plaid dog-suit.

"Whoops!" muttered Kiara.

Joey's face was priceless to behold. "Who's the mutt now?" he sniggered.

"I'll let you off this one time," laughed Kiara. "Because that was very good timing. Next time you deviate from the script, however, it's a water balloon for you!"

"Thanks." Joey nodded and concentrated on stifling his laughter and getting back into character.

Kiara pressed her remote and Kaiba turned back into his genie-form, only he was wearing a kilt and a plaid beret. He rolled his eyes and continued. "Sounds like 'Here, boy! C'mon, Laddi!'" He threw a blue stick, then Kiara changed him into the dog again and he trotted the other way with the stick in his mouth.

Joey shook his head. "I must have hit my head harder than I thought."

Kaiba looked pained. "Do you smoke? Mind if I do?"

Kiara cackled, and then pressed her remote, making Kaiba change back into the genie-form in a puff of (what else?) blue smoke.

Yugi screeched wildly.

"Oh, sorry wimp – OW! – I mean, Cheetah. Hope I didn't singe the fur! _Yeah right_. OUCH!" Kaiba noticed Ed. "Hey, Ragman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel!" Kaiba and Ed high-fived, and then launched into a complicated-looking handshake. "Yo! Yeah!"

Kaiba looked over at Aladdin. "Say, you're a lot smaller than my last…" The last word was barely a whisper. "OUCH!" Kaiba yelled. "What?"

"Say it, Blue-Boy." Kiara waved the remote threateningly.

"…master," said Kaiba sullenly. He lifted his stomach to create a beer-gut (1). "Either that or I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the side – do I look different to you?"

Joey stared. "Wait a minute! I'm – your _master_?" He gave Kaiba a devastating look of superiority, which made Kaiba grind his teeth. He didn't say anything – he'd gotten enough shocks at it was.

Kaiba took a deep, calming breath, then slapped a diploma into Joey's hand and a mortarboard on his head. "That's right! He can be taught! He _actually _has half a brain! OUCH! What would you wish of me?"

Kiara pressed the remote, and Kaiba turned into an Arnold Schwarzenegger look-a-like.

"The ever impressive," he began.

_Click_ went the remote, squeezing Kaiba into a tiny little cube, which he strained to get out of as he said, "The long contained…"

_Click_. Kaiba sat on air, holding a ventriloquists dummy, and moved the dummy's mouth so that it said, "Often imitated…" before Kaiba tossed it aside.

"…but never duplicated…" _Click_. Kaiba multiplied into several genies, which formed a semi circle around him.

The duplicated genies echoed him. "Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated!"

"_Genie_! Of! The _LAMP_!" announced Kaiba, sounding like the ring announcer at a boxing match.

_Click_. He turned into an Ed Sullivan look-alike. "Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment-wish fulfilment. Thank youuuuu!"

"Whoa! Wish fulfilment?"

"Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes." Kaiba looked smug, but Kiara pressed the remote again, turning him into a slot machine.

"That's it –" Three Kaiba-heads appeared in the little windows and finished his sentence. " – three."

Three little genie-caballeros came out of the slot. "Uno, dos, tres."

_Click_. Kaiba changed into a small Groucho Marx, and walked across the floor with a cigar muttering, "No substitutions, exchanges or refunds."

A duck dropped from the ceiling with a board saying "Refunds" hanging from its' mouth.

Joey turned to Yugi. "Now I _know_ I'm dreaming!"

Kaiba sighed. Music began to play in the background. "Master," he mumbled quickly before going on with the rest of the sentence at normal speed. "I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities."

_Click_. Kaiba lit up, and then began to sing.

"_Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves_

_Scheherazadie had a thousand tales…_"

Forty thieves surrounded Joey, holding out swords threateningly.

"_But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeve_

_You got a brand of magic never fails!_

Well, of _course_ it doesn't. I mean, it is _me_ who – OW!"

"Stick to the script, Blue-Boy!"

"Whatever. Ahem."

_Click_. Kaiba disappeared and then reappeared in Joey's vest, then stuck his arms out and boxed the thieves into submission.

"_You got some power in your corner now…_"

_Click_. Joey suddenly appeared in a boxing ring, and Kaiba began to massage his shoulders, as though preparing him for a big fight.

_Some heavy ammunition in your camp_

_You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how_

_See all you gotta do is rub that lamp_

_Click_. Kaiba turned into a pile of fireworks and made them all explode. Then he whooshed back inside the lamp and grabbed Joey's hand and made him rub the lamp with it.

"_And I'll say_

_Mister Aladdin sir_

_What will your pleasure be?_

_Let me take your order, jot it down_

_You ain't never had a friend like me_

_No no no!_"

Kiara pressed a button and Kaiba waved his hands to make it look like he produced a table and chairs. Kiara pressed the remote and Kaiba changed into a waiter and began to take down Joey's 'order' on his notepad.

"_Life is your restaurant_

_And I'm your maitre' d!_

_C'mon whisper what it is you want_

_You ain't never had a friend like me._"

Kaiba lifts the lid of a dish in front of Joey, then makes his head part of the chicken. He swished back to normal and began enlarging his ear right by Joey's face. Kiara pressed the remote and he exploded into four duplicate genies, all wearing barber outfits. They begin to shave Joey's nonexistent beard, give him a haircut and a manicure while singing in a weird Americanised-cockney accent,

"_Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service_

_You're the boss, the king, the shah!_

_Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish_

_How about a little more Bakura?_"

"Ew, Kaiba, that's disgusting." Joey made a face, and then snickered. "I didn't know you swung that way!"

"I'd prefer it if you _didn't_ involve me, Kaiba," said Bakura, rolling his eyes.

"OUUUUUUUCH! SORRY!" yelled Kaiba as Kiara sent a particularly painful bolt up his spine.

"I don't even have to say it, but I'll do it for you. Listen up: STICK. TO. THE. BLOODY. SCRIPT. Got it?"

Kaiba nodded dumbly.

"Good. Carry on."

"_Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish_

_How about a little more baklava?_"

Joey vanished, and then appeared in a comfy chair surrounded by heaps of treasure and being fanned by pretty women. Mai sniffed disapprovingly. Kaiba rose up and buried Joey in baklava. (2)

"_Try some of column 'A'_

_Try _all_ of column 'B'_"

Joey rose up on a column of food with a giant A on top, and then jumped to another column with a 'B'. He wobbled and fell off, but Kaiba caught him on a cushion.

"_I'm in the mood to help you dude_

_You ain't never had a friend like me!_"

Kaiba opened his mouth, and his tongue turned into a staircase. A miniature Kaiba dressed like a magician walked out.

The mini Kaiba-Genie does a little dance with Kaiba's two giant hands. At the end, they surround the mini Kaiba and squish him into nothing.

"_Can your friends do this?_

_Do your friends do that?_"

Kaiba pulled off his head, duplicated it, and then began to juggle them. His balance wasn't so good, though, so they all came crashing down. Grumbling, Kaiba picked them up and continued. He tossed them to Joey, who juggled most of them with one hand and had one of the heads spinning on his fingertip like a basketball.

"Show off," muttered Kaiba.

"Sore loser," Joey muttered back, bouncing the single head up and down.

SPLASH! A water balloon hit Joey in the face, making him stagger and, eventually, fall backwards.

"OUCH!" Kaiba arched his back in pain as a shock shuddered through him.

"Focus, darlings," Kiara reprimanded them sweetly.

Joey got back up and started juggling again. Kaiba rubbed his back and swore under his breath. Once he was done, he glared at Joey and began to sing again.

"_Do your friends pull this out their little hat?_"

Joey tossed the heads back onto Kaiba, who proceeded to try and pull himself out of a hat at his base. He spiralled around and around until he turned into a huge white rabbit at a _click_ of the remote in Kiara's hands.

"_Can your friends go poof?_"

Kaiba-the-rabbit disappeared in a puff of smoke and reappeared as a purple dragon with a loud '_poof_'. He blew a flame, which turned into three beautiful girls, which began to dance around Joey. Mai's face would have melted ice, then boiled it. Just as Joey started to enjoy the attention (3), however, the girls disappeared.

"_Well looky here!_

_Can your friends go Abracadabra – let 'er rip!_

_And then make the sucker disappear?_

_So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed_

_I'm here to answer all your midnight prayers!_

I got a powerful urge to help you out 

_So what you wish I really want to know_

_You got me bona fide, certified_

_You got a genie for a charge d'affairs!_

_You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt_

_So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!_"

Kaiba's jaw dropped outrageously, then his eyes fairly popped out of their sockets. He knee-shuffled across Joey's hand and dropped of the end, his hands held up in an attitude of prayer. At another _click_ of the remote, he turned into a certificate that rolled up and surrounded Joey. Kaiba pulled a list with writing in Arabic on it out of Joey's ear, which he used to rub his behind like drying off after a shower.

Kiara fell of her chair laughing, then climbed back on, clutching the remote and wiping tears of laughter from her eyes as she continued to giggle.

"_Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three_

_I'm on the job – you big nabob!_"

The dancing girls reappeared, and Joey leaned in to kiss one (4). She turned into Kaiba, who has a _disgusted_ look on his face… which is immediately mirrored on Joey's. Kaiba shook himself out of it and quickly zapped four dancing elephants into existence. In the other direction, he zapped in four dancing camels, and a grand finale dancing number ensued, with lots of dancing girls and treasure. Yugi grabbed as much gold as he can, stuffing it into his little fez, but Kaiba began to whirl around very fast, pulling everything into him like a cyclone and zapped it away.

"_You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend_

_You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend_

_You ain't never...had a... FRIENNND... LIIIKE...MEEEE!_

_You ain't never had a friend like me!_"

The background fades back to the rock of the cave. Kaiba rested on his elbows, looking expectantly at Joey, Yugi and Ed with a flashing neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. Yugi turned his hat over and saw, to his astonishment and anger, that it was empty. Ed applauded enthusiastically, his clapping echoing off the walls as Joey stared at the giant blue Kaiba.

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_(1)Beer-gut! Huh! That sounds so STUPID! A boep is a MUCH better word. -notices blank looks- It's Afrikaans, peoples._

_(2)What IS this? Could someone enlighten me? Looks like a sort of chip, but I could be wrong…_

_(3)Naughty, naughty…! –sniggers-_

_(4)See above!_

_Ciao!_


	13. Chapter 13

_Wow! Chapter 13! And so many reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! And thank you again! I'm glad you enjoy it._

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**Disclaimer: Are you kidding?**

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"Ain't no sunshine when he's gone…" Kiara stood on one foot, and then lowered her foot carefully onto Yami's back. She leant back, leaving only her heels in contact with his back, and then slowly rolled forward until she was standing on her toes.

"Ow," mumbled Yami.

"Shh," muttered Kiara, before continuing her song. "And he's always gone too long, any time he goes away…" she jumped off of Yami's back, humming the rest of the song.

"How did you get the Pharaoh to let you do that?" asked Bakura. "I came in only once you'd started.

"Simple reverse psychology," said Kiara, grinning.

"Yugi, why didn't you _warn_ me about this reverse psychosis – "

"Psychology," said Marik helpfully.

"Whatever," snapped Yami.

"I don't know. It never came up. But you feel better now, don't you?"

"Surprisingly, the pain in my back is gone… but the one in my posterior from 5000 years ago hasn't left us." He glared at Bakura, who bowed.

"Thank you, thank you… No autographs, please."

"Oh, shut up," growled Yami.

"Kiara, come here a second, would you?" said Tristan with a strange, secretive look on his face.

"Sure, what is it?"

They walked off to one side and talked for a moment. Kiara seemed to become extremely excited, finally shrieking, "You beauty! Genius!"

"Obviously a Kiara-moment," observed Bakura to Marik. "Nobody else would ever use the word 'genius' when referring to that moron."

Suddenly, Elton John's 'Blue Eyes' poured out of a hidden speaker, filling the room with sound and making conversation useless.

Seto's eyes flashed open, but he covered it with a yawn. Joey raised an eyebrow, and looked at Mai. Her expression was an almost exact mirror of his own.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" came a voice from somewhere in the ceiling. "I give you… the contents of Kaiba's iPod!"

"WHAT?" Kaiba roared, even blocking out the deafening music.

The music switched off, and Kiara and Tristan burst out laughing. Wiping tears from her eyes, Kiara walked up to Joey and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Kaiba, dear, don't overreact."

"Me?" Kaiba's voice was dripping so much sarcasm, Kiara almost expected to see a pool of it forming by his feet.

"You."

"Oh, really?"

"Why do I bother?" Kiara asked her silent audience, pulling the remote from her pocket. _Click_ went the remote. _Poof_ went Kaiba, into the hamster cage.

"Aw, crud," said Kaiba in his squeaky gerbil voice.

Kiara sniggered. "Okay, folks, that's enough lazing around! Time to work! Joey! Kaiba! Ed! Yugi! Get your butts on that set! Hoorah!"

"I hate you," squeaked Kaiba.

"Good thing, too. Otherwise you'd be O.O.C."

"O.O.C.?"

"Out Of Character, dear."

"Stop calling me 'dear'."

"No. Now…" Kiara pressed the remote and Kaiba appeared on the set as Genie-Kaiba. "ACTION!"

"So what'll it be, mmmhm?" mumbled Kaiba. "OUCH! Master?"

Joey grinned. "You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?"

_Click_ Kaiba turned into William F. Buckley. "Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos…" Kaiba counted on his fingers, adding at least four extra fingers to his hand to keep up with the counting.

"Like?"

"Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody." Kaiba drew a finger across his throat, and his head fell into his lap. "So don't ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else." Kaiba scowled. "I refuse. OUCH! No! I STILL refuse! OWW! Okay… fine."

"I gotta get me on of those," breathed Joey. A water balloon hit him in the stomach.

"Shut up," Kiara said pleasantly.

"Sure," wheezed Joey.

Kaiba heaved a long-suffering sigh. _Click_. His head turned into a huge pair of lips that kiss Joey. _Click_. His head went back to normal and he pinched Joey's cheek. "You little punim, there."

Joey turned a delicate shade of green.

Kaiba, wiped his lips and continued, scowling at Kiara. "Rule three." He lay flat and then straightened up, turning into a zombie. "I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture – " he grabbed Joey by the lapels of his waistcoat and shook his violently. "I don't like doing it!"

He let Joey go, and the blonde rubbed his neck. "Could've given me whiplash, you freak. If you've got a problem, build a bridge and – " A water balloon hit him in the face.

"Lucky break, mutt. She just saved you from grevious bodily harm."

"Are you threatening me, Moneybags?"

SPLASH!

Kiara raised an eyebrow. "The average IQ just dropped a few points. Now, if you two will stop acting like three year olds, we can get on with it. Hint, hint."

Kaiba and Joey glared at each other, but backed away into their places.

"Good boys. Maybe, when this scene is over I'll give you each a biscuit." Kiara shared a look with Mai. "Boys!"

Ed rippled and spun urgently.

"Oh, right… Action!" Kiara smiled, and Ed subsided.

With a _click_ of the remote, Kaiba 'poofed' back to normal. "Other than that, you got it!"

Joey looked at Yugi, thinking. Finally, he turned to Kaiba and scoffed, "Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes?" He turned back to Yugi. "Some all-powerful genie – can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu – he probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here – "

Joey and Yugi started to walk away, but a huge blue foot stopped them.

"Excuse me?" said Kaiba, the owner of the foot. "Are you looking at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me? I don't think so, not right now. You're getting your wishes, so SIDDOWN!" Kaiba pointed angrily at Ed.

Joey, and Yugi got on to the carpet, and Kaiba, transformed into a stewardess, sat behind them. Joey wobbled precariously, and Yugi steadied him.

Kaiba's anger had not yet dissipated, but he said in a lighter tone, "In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, anywhere!" With each 'here', Kaiba grew another arm, which pointed in a new direction. At the word 'anywhere', the hands all opened, palms up.

"Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet. Weeee'rrrrrreee...outta here!"

Ed flew up to the roof, broke through and flew over the desert with his passengers into the distance.

The scene changed to the interior of the castle that looked suspiciously sandy.

"Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... From now on, you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, _before_ they are beheaded!" commanded Yami.

"I assure you, your highness, it won't happen again," hissed Bakura silkily.

"Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy business behind us. Please?" Yami took Mai's hand and placed it in Bakura's, but she refused to look at him

"My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, princess." Bakura bent over and tried to kiss her hand, but she pulled it away.

"At least some good will come of my being forced to marry," she said coldly. "When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you."

"That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business," began Yami, but when he turned to his 'daughter', she was walking out of the room. "Jasmine? Jasmine!" He ran after her.

"If only I had gotten that lamp!" snarled Bakura, clenching his hand.

Marik imitated Mai, "I will have the power to get rid of you! D'oh!" He smacked his forehead. "To think – we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the rest of our lives..."

"No, Iago," interrupted Bakura. "Only until she finds a _chump_ husband. Then she'll have us banished – or… beheaded!"

The two put a hand to their necks and said in unison, "Eeewww!"

Marik suddenly brightened. "Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" He grinned. "Jafar? What if _you_ were the chump husband?"

Bakura looked insulted. "What?"

Marik explained quickly. "Okay, you marry the princess, all right? Then, uh, you become sultan!"

"Oh! Marry the shrew? I become sultan. The idea has merit!" Bakura sat on the sultan's throne, turning over the idea in his mind.

"Yes, merit! Yes!" Marik jumped down onto the armrest. "And then we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff!" He dived-bombed onto the floor. "Kersplat!"

Bakura laughed. "Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!"

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_Well, whaddaya think? Feel free top leave a review (hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink)_

_That's all for now, folks!_

_ciao!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Hey guys! Sorry about the long delay... stuff happened. (Read my profile for details... if I ever get around to updating it!)-grin- __And I was trying to figure out if I should post this chapter as you see it below or if I should change it. Well - evidently - I was convinced to post this chapter by someone, so if it's weird/doesn't fit/whatever, blame HER!  
-points at friend, who shall remain nameless-_

_Uh. Yeah. Well, onwards and upwards, friends! (oh, and thanks for all the reviews!)_

_

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**Disclaimer: I still have to do this? Oh, okay, fine: I do not own YGO. Or Disney. Or the origional story of Aladdin. Okay?

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_Chapter 14 (SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)_ **

"Hey, has anyone seen Ishizu?"

"What?" Kiara looked up from her huge green book and pushed her hair behind her ears.

Marik looked slightly shifty. "Uh…"

Kiara smiled. "Aw, you were worried about her! That's so sweet!" She slammed the book shut. "I'll help you find her."

"That's not what I – I mean, why would you think – "

"You're very cute when you're flustered."

"What?"

"Ew. Gross out. Your taste is dropping." Kaiba smirked. "From me to _this_?"

"For your information," Kiara began, heatedly, "Marik is twice as hot as you'll ever be, Mr. Ego."

Kaiba stared. Then he got to his feet. "You disappoint me." He stalked away, wrenching open a door and vanishing into the darkness beyond.

It was Kiara's turn to stare.

"That was below the belt, Kiara. I'm so proud." Marik grinned. "And I appreciate the complement."

Kiara blinked. "I got through to him. Wow."

"You did not hear one word I just said, did you?"

"Huh? Sorry, did you say something?"

"Ah, forget it." Marik groaned.

"Oh, there you are. Undersized twit." Bakura folded his arms across his chest.

"Listen, whitey, if I were my real size…"

"Oh, will those two ever – "

"Shush, Tea. This is their version of friendship." Kiara smiled as she watched the two evil psychos exchange insults.

"Really?" Tea perked up.

"No, I'm lying," said Kiara sarcastically.

"Ah… excuse me, please." Tea exited, and Kiara could've sworn she heard a whoop of delight coming from behind the door she had used.

Shaking her head, she shoved the giant green book (which had the words 'Evil Dominion 101' on the front in faded gold letters) under her chair and picked up a megaphone.

"WOULD JOSEPH WHEELER, SETO KAIBA AND YUGI MOTO GET THEIR BUTTS DOWN HERE NOW, IF NOT SOONER? THANK YOU."

Bakura and Marik stared at her. Then they nodded solemnly and shook hands, like businessmen who had clinched a deal.

"Would you please stop doing that?" Joey asked as he entered through a bright orange side door that turned pink, giggled and disappeared once he was through.

"DOING WHAT?" asked Kiara, swinging around to face him, megaphone still by her lips.

"That. The whole megaphone deal."

"YOU DON'T LIKE MY MEGAPHONE? I RATE IT'S PRETTY COOL, MYSELF."

"If loud."

"TRUE. I WILL CONSIDER IT. YOU MAY GO."

"Go? I just _got_ here."

"I KNOW, I WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU JOSEPH ME OL' PAL!"

Joey shook his head and went to go sit on the set. Yugi fell through a green door with pink polka dots that was on the ceiling, for some odd reason. Kiara waved at him.

"HEY, YUGI!"

"Don't shout!" Yugi cried, hands flying to his ears as he got to his feet.

"BUT I'M NOT SHOUTING!"

"Megaphone," clarified Joey, pointing.

"I see," winced Yugi, rubbing his ears. "Well, you wanted me?"

"WE'RE STARTING THE NEXT SCENE. WE JUST NEED KAIBA-BOY."

"You sound just like – "

"PEGASUS, I KNOW. WHERE _IS_ THAT GUY, ANYWAY?"

"How should I know?" Yugi went to sit by his friend.

"IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, YOUNG FELLER-ME-LAD. I THINK I COULD DO WITH HIM AROUND THE PLACE, FOR SOME REASON."

"Whatever you say. It _is_ your world."

"THANK YOU."

"Any time."

"DOGGONE IT, WHERE IS HE? **SETO KAIBA, IF YOU DO NOT GET HERE _THIS_ _INSTANT_ I WILL RECAST YOU AS JASMINE!**"

"I'm here," came a sullen voice from the floor. Everyone's eyes followed the voice to see…

A kitten. A cute, furry tabby kitten. A cute, furry tabby kitten with big icy blue eyes. A cute, furry kitten with icy blue eyes that looked extraordinarily like the one and only Seto Kaiba.

"OH, DEAR." Kiara looked like she was about to either fly into a hideous rage (and begin to throw things – preferably big, breakable things, such as Ming vases, her camera, Weevil and assorted crockery – around), or fall onto the floor rolling with laughter. There was a very long, tense moment.

"HOT DAMN." She sat down very quickly and dropped the megaphone. She had gone an unpleasant shade of white; a cold, harsh shade that made you want to run very fast in the opposite direction, screaming. "I don't feel so good."

Her eyes were glowing, and their happy-go-annoy-everyone sparkle had gone, leaving horrible emptiness. Very slowly, so slowly that the room's occupants could see it happening, her pupils went very thin, like a cat's, and her eyes turned deep, flaming red. Two fangs edged out of her mouth and rested, gleaming horribly, just below her bottom lip. Her hair turned white, and then deep blue, ending on impenetrable black that did not reflect the light shining onto it. She stood up and laughed. It was a coarse, rasping sound, that made the hairs stand up on the watchers arms. "Free," she whispered huskily, examining her hands and shuddering pleasurably.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded the kitten.

"I?" The thing that had been Kiara looked down its nose at him. "I am Gliyahadrath. You may now quake with fear."

"Fear? I don't know the meaning of _fear_." The kitten attempted to look superior, a facial expression not easily arranged on the face of a kitten, especially not a cute, fluffy one.

"I shall teach you, strange little beast of much courage." Gliyahadrath lifted her arms above her head and began to grow. Kiara's fingers were replaced with long ugly black talons, and the body that had served the annoying creation so well was swathed in a long black dress. They always have those. And a cloak. They always have cloaks, too. It must be a rule, somewhere.

Gliyahadrath swished her cloak and grinned at the dramatic result. She gave the ceiling an approving smile and turned back to the kitten-Kaiba, who was trying desperately not to look like he was cowering while still cowering.

"I'm not scared of you!" he managed.

Yami stepped out of the darkness. "I _knew_ there'd be something like this around here _somewhere_."

"You." Glihayadrath scowled. "Don't tell me the ugly white-haired one is also here."

"Ugly?" cried Bakura, outraged.

"Don't take her to heart, Tomb Robber. She's a mere creation of too many fantasy novels and a pinch of something called 'Mary-Sue' mixed with the authoress' evil side."

"I thought _Kiara_ was the evil side."

Yami raised an eyebrow.

"What? She's got all the signs, Pharaoh. Tell me you've noticed that smile of hers? You haven't? Where have you _been_, Pharaoh?" Bakura sighed. "I don't know how you managed to rule a country, I swear I don't."

"Are you insinuating something, Tomb Robber?"

"Insinuating? Who's insinuating?"

"Ahem!" Gliyahadrath clapped. "Excuse me, 'Pharaoh', but this is _my_ show."

"Yours? This is Kiara's show!" This outburst was from Joey, now standing with Yugi on his shoulder by Yami's left elbow.

"Kiara? That idiot?" Gliyahadrath snorted. "Totally inappropriate."

"I thought she was appropriate, considering it's a parody," ventured Yugi.

"A PARODY?" Gliyahadrath shrieked in disbelief. "She could do any number of horror, or enslavement fictions, and she does a _parody_? I can't believe we're related!"

"You're **related**!" everyone present gasped. Even kitty-Kaiba, and that's saying something.

"Of course. We come from the same mind, don't we?" Gliyahadrath shrugged. "The similarity ends there."

"I see," Yugi said in a strangled voice, as some reply seemed necessary.

"That's nice. Now," Kiara's 'relative' picked up the megaphone. "GO FETCH THE OTHERS. I must examine my new slaves."

"Slaves? Never!" yelled Tristan, who had just entered. Joey nodded, his expression becoming serious (as opposed to scared silly, of course).

"Oh? And just how were you planning on getting out of here. As amazing as it sounds, my silly cousin did a good job of sealing this place."

"Silly?" Bakura shook his head, continuing to speak as though to a young child who had done something stupid. "You have the use of a large lexicon, I presume, so why don't you think of something other than '_silly_'." That last word was smothered in scorn.

Gliyahadrath drew herself up to her full, impressive height. "You," she began, but then clutched at her throat, making choking sounds.

"_Hey guys. Miss me?_" Kiara's voice emanated from her mouth, its calm tone at odds with the frantic fangs clawing at Gliyahadrath's throat.

"Kiara!"

"You're okay!"

"What is this creature?"

Kitty-Kaiba's sensible question stemmed the flow of the other's questions. They all looked expectantly at the thrashing creature whose face was the image of calm.

"_Well, as Yami said, she's kind of my 'dark half'. It's a long story. Now, I've got her under my control – and I've got way more power than she does, so I won't let go. Now, get the others so that we can start the next scene_."

"The next scene?" Tristan looked blank.

"_What, did you think I'd let some egotistical freak ruin my show? Oh, yeah, and besides Kaiba – kidding! I'm kidding! No, really – did you think some silly evil 'dark side' could take me over? You underestimate me. Anyway, the reason why _Gliyahadrath_ took control was, simply: the owner of the mind in which I inhabit went to see the Victoria Falls. Silly, isn't it? The awe at seeing such an amazing thing unbalanced her long enough to let _Gliyahadrath_ get an opening_."

There was a very long silence as everyone sorted out what had happened in their minds and changed their expressions to suit the occasion.

"_Well, what are you waiting for? The show must go on! I just need a little time to get my own body back, but you can go get the others in the meantime, right?_" Gliyahadrath picked up the megaphone. "_**NOW**!_" Kiara's voice yelled, and as one everyone clamped their hands – or paws – over their ears and ran for the doors.

Satisfied, Gliyahadrath sat down in Kiara's chair, still clawing desperately at her throat. "_Well…_" she said thoughtfully. "_It could be worse. I could lose my chair in a flash flood…_"

A ton of water poured through a door, sweeping her chair from under her and soaking her completely.

"_I shouldn't have said that. I should **not** have said that._"

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_So? What did you think?_


	15. Chapter 15

_Hey y'all!_

_-grin- Sorry about that last chapter... but all is back to (sort of) normal around here now!_

_Can ya believe it? This story had over 3000 hits and 79 reviews! That's, like, almost eighty!_

_-deadpan- What?_

_No, but seriously... free plushies of a charrie of your choice (put it in your review) to all who review this story - TWO for the first person to review... _

_Let's hit 80... -gasp- or even 90!_

_**News Flash:** SEA SAPPHIRE ROCKS! I am now on 80 reviews! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! State your fav. charrie in your next review, k Saph? I CAN call you Saph, right?_

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**Disclaimer: Don't own YGO, don't own Disney, don't own this computer, wadda wadda fishpaste... but I DO own my slippers! Warm slippers they are, too!

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Kiara stood in the open, empty plain that was Gliyahadrath's mind and sighed.**

_Go away._

"I wont until you give me my body back."

_But it hu-u-urts…!_

"Big baby!" Kiara sniffed.

_Make it stop, and I'll show you who's a baby!_

"Sure you will. Now, go away."

_No!_

Kiara closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. An adorable pink bunny appeared in front of her.

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! CUTENESS!_

"Get out of my body."

_No!_

Another bunny appeared.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fine, fine… but make it g-go aw-w-way!_

Kiara shrugged. "Sure." The bunnies vanished.

_Thank you. I'll go now._

There was a shuddering noise, and Kiara felt herself flow back into her own consciousness…

Outside, everyone was staring at what looked like a giant ice cream that had been left in the sun for too long, that was currently occupying Kiara's place. There was a tense silence as everyone decided according to his or her personality whether they would laugh or cry or scream.

Joey, Tristan, Yugi, Mai and (somewhat surprisingly) Bakura chose laughter. Loud, whooping, roll-around-on-the-floor, bellyaching laughter.

Tea, Ishizu, Serenity, Duke and (again, surprisingly) Marik chose tears. Tea sank to the ground sobbing helplessly into her handkerchief, while Serenity collapsed beside her, weeping quietly. Ishizu began to pray quietly, tears dripping from her eyes. Duke just stared at the laughing ones, tears running down his cheeks. There _does_ exist the distinct possibility that they were tears of restrained laughter, but we shall put that aside for the moment. Marik, standing on Ishizu's shoulder, buried his face in her hair.

Seto, Yami, (and, extremely surprisingly) Ryou and Mokuba all chose screams. Yami began to curse in Ancient Egyptian, loudly and colourfully. Seto, still a cat, yelled at him to shut up and then began cursing loudly in Yiddish (so that Mokuba wouldn't understand, of course). Mokuba just sat down and yelled at the top of his lungs for everyone to _shut- up-and-get-back-to-normal-or-whatever-counts-as-normal-around-here!_ Ryou began to scream at everyone to shut up, using words that nobody had ever even suspected were anywhere _near_ his vocabulary… except for Bakura, who'd taught it all to him.

"SHUT UP!" Kiara stood before them all, holding the megaphone. They all stopped doing whatever they were doing, Seto in the middle of hoping that Yami would swallow an umbrella and have it open up inside of him.

"Hey," said Yugi, hiccupping slightly from all the laughing. "You're back!"

Kiara rolled her eyes. "Well spotted. Now, can we get back to what we were doing?"

Joey, lying on the ground holding his painful sides, stared at her with a slightly blank expression. Mai, getting onto her hands and knees, waved her hand in front of his face.

"Hello? Earth to Joey?"

Kiara raised the megaphone to her lips. "IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOU'RE ALL NORMAL. NOW, WHERE WERE WE? AH, YES…" She took the remote out of her pocket and pointed it at kitty-Kaiba. There was a faint popping noise, and Kaiba emerged from a cloud of smoke as genie-Kaiba. "RIGHT, PLACES EVERYONE."

"Not unless you put that ridiculous thing down," insisted Kaiba, folding his arms across his massive blue chest.

"Sure, whatever." The megaphone disappeared into Kiara's pocket. "Now, can we have action, please?"

Bakura sniggered. "Not likely."

A water balloon appeared magically in Kiara's hand. "Oh, really?" she asked, gently tossing it up and down.

Bakura stared at the balloon, and then sighed. "Whatever."

Kiara sniggered and raised the mega phone to her lips once again. "KAIBA, YUGI, ED AND JOEY TO THE SET _NOW_! ALL OTHERS, CIAO!" The megaphone disappeared into her pocket again. "Now, Yugi dear, come here."

"Sure, what is it?" asked Yugi, and hiccupped loudly.

Kaiba put a hand over his eyes.

Kiara smiled sweetly and pulled a long purple-and-black-striped stick out of her pocket. "Now…" she muttered, running a loving hand down the side of the stick. "Come a bit closer…"

Innocent Yugi began to walk forward, hiccupping quietly.

Joey tried to stop him but tripped over his own feet to dodge a swipe of the stick from Kiara and fell over. Kaiba took his hand off of his eyes, a look of fascinated horror on his face.

Kiara raised the stick above her head. It suddenly occurred to Yugi that this might not be the most innocent of actions, so he began to back away… ever so slowly.

Too slowly, as it turns out. (1)

Kiara swung the stick down, and there was a horrible crack as it connected. Pretty emerald smoke gushed out of the tip of the stick, making everyone cough.

"YUGE!" yelled Joey, white-faced. All the colour had drained out of it when he heard the _crack!_

"He's okay." Kiara shrugged, and bent down to Joey's level. "Would I hurt my favourite character's best friend?"

"Uh, yes," pointed out Mai.

Kiara shrugged again, patted Joey on the head and got to her feet. "Ah, well, it was worth a shot. Anyway, I didn't do any _permanent_ damage! Just turned him into…"

The emerald smoke cleared to reveal…

Yugi.

The **elephant**.

"Sweet mother… mercy…" mumbled Bakura, retreating back through the door he had just entered.

"Oh, man." Mai followed him out, walking backwards so that she could stare at Yugi. "Now that's _poles _apart."

Joey shook his head, getting to his feet. "What do you mean, your favourite character?"

Kiara rolled her eyes. "PLACES, everyone."

Once everyone was in place, she settled herself on a large, overstuffed purple couch-chair and yelled, "ACTION!"

Joey got onto the magic carpet, and fell off. Gritting his teeth, he tried again, putting one foot on tentatively, and then the other….

"Ouch!"

Kaiba sniggered. "No dogs on the furniture."

Joey growled. "Just leave me alone, blue-boy."

Kaiba smirked, even though – as he was wearing a stewardess' outfit – he had no room to do so.

Joey dusted himself off and put out a hand. "C'mon, man… carpet… ED… whatever… you know me. Just let me ride you – oh man that sounded WRONG!"

Kaiba made retching noises. "Bad mental image, mutt."

Kiara giggled. "I was just WAITING for someone to say that… Anyway. Ed, would you stop fooling around… oh, man! It's catching. ANYWAY, Ed, stop it. Or Matilda gets _picked apart_…"

Ed flew up into the air, and then… dejectedly lay by Joey's feet.

"Who's Matilda?" asked Kaiba.

"His rug girlfriend." Kiara rolled her eyes. "Carpets are weird, what can I say?"

"Right." Kaiba shook his head. "Whatever."

"That's true. I _am_ right." Kiara grinned. "I'm just messing with you Seto, shnookums-honey-baby-angel…" She fell off her chair, howling with laughter at the look of horror on Kaiba's face. "Kidding! I'm kidding. Oh, man, Kaiba-baiting is just SO much fun! Wheeeeeee!" She flopped down onto her couch, giggling.

Kaiba had gone very pale. "A: call me Kaiba. B: _what the hell was that supposed to be?_ And, three: **if you do that again…**"

"Calm down, Kaiba." Joey grinned. "Everybody needs somebody to annoy the heck out of them. I've got you, you've got Kiara, and Kiara's got that Gilly-whatever person. Lighten up. Oh, and by the way – even Bakura knows that the alphabet goes A, B, _C_! You know, as opposed to A, B, _three_…" Joey fell off the carpet, laughing.

Kiara whooped. "Oh, yeah! Now, seriously: ACTIONOR**DEATH**!"

Joey got back onto the carpet and sat down. Yugi lumbered next to him, and was about to squash him and Ed to death by a miscalculation of size when Kiara pointed her remote at him and he dropped from the sky, once again his normal – if marginally shorter – self.

Kaiba sat on the front and Ed took off.

They swooped around the ceiling for a while, and then Ed brought them down in a pretty desert oasis, where Weevil was currently acting as a tree.

Don't even _ask_. You can just _smell_ the hand of Bakura in stuff like this, and it's just safer not to get involved.

Kaiba scowled, grimaced as an electric shock flooded through him curtsey of Kiara's remote, and said in a fake-happy stewardess voice, "Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop."

Ed folded himself into stairs, and as Joey and Yugi got off, Kaiba twittered, "Thank you. Good-bye, good-bye! Thank you! Good-bye!"

Joey snickered, very quietly.

Kaiba turned back to normal-genie mode, his hands folded across his chest. "Well, now. How about that, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?"

Joey pretended to be impressed. "Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes – " he began, but Kaiba cut him off.

"Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by ONE, mutt – OW – boy!" Kaiba shoved a finger in Joey's face, which was most decidedly meant to be obscene but was changed at the last second by Kiara waving the remote threateningly.

Joey pushed the finger away. "Ah, _no_ – I never actually wished to get out of the cave. You did that on your own."

Kaiba stared at Joey for a moment, and then his jaw dropped, hitting the floor with a slight clang. There was a quiet click from Kiara's direction, and he turned into a sheep.

Kiara howled with laughter at this, making a mental note on how _adorable_ Kaiba looked as a sheep, and gestured for Kaiba to continue.

He did, looking slightly homicidal. "Well, don't I feel just sheepish? All right, you ba-a-a-a-ad boy, but no more freebies!" he bleated angrily.

Joey sniggered. "Fair deal. So, three wishes." He put a speculative finger on his chin. "I want them to be good." He turned to Kaiba, who had hung himself like a hammock between Weevil and a real tree. "What would you wish for?"

Kaiba 'fell' out of the tree. "Me?" he gasped. "No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case… ah, forget it."

Joey looked genuinely interested. "What? No, tell me."

Kaiba sighed. "Freedom."

Joey stared. "You're a prisoner?"

Kaiba seemed to snap out of a reverie and said dully, "It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig."

He grew, filling the whole room and juggling planets. His voice echoed as he said, "Phenomenal cosmic powers!"

He shrank down, right into the Lamp. "Itty-bitty living space," he explained in a voice as tiny as his living space.

"Gee, Kaiba, that's terrible."

Kiara glared but let it pass.

Kaiba emerged from the lamp. "But, oh—to be free." He sighed. "Not have to go – " he turned into a puff of smoke and then reappeared each time he said 'poof'. ""Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master… such a thing would be greater than all the magic, and all the treasures in all the world!" he rose up, his face lit up. Then, suddenly he sank back down. "But what am I talking about, here? Let's get real here. It's not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus."

Kiara sniffed happily. "That was _beautiful_, Kaiba."

"Why not?" asked Joey.

Kaiba sighed, and then remembered where he was and whom he was talking to. He suddenly sounded slightly ticked off. "The only way I get outta this is if my master wishes me out. So you can guess how often that's happened!"

Joey, still caught up in the moment, got to his feet. "I'll do it. I'll set you free."

"Sure, pull the other one – it's got bells on it."

Kiara waved her fists threateningly. "KEEP TO THE SCRIPT, EMOTIONAL MOMENT OR NO!" she yelled at Kaiba, pulling a box of water balloons out from under her chair.

Kaiba groaned and, as Kiara pressed her remote, his head turned into Pinocchio's, and he grew a long nose. "Uh huh, right. Whoop!"

Joey walked up to Kaiba. "No, really, I promise." He pushed the nose back in and Kaiba's head returned to normal. "After make my first two wishes, I'll use my third wish to set you free."

He held out his hand for Kaiba to shake.

"Well, here's hopin'." sighed Kaiba, gingerly shaking Joey's hand.

There was a flash and a cloud of orange smoke filled the room.

"Sorry!" called Kiara as the smoke cleared. "Just photographing that _historic_ moment!"

Joey and Kaiba rolled their eyes, noticed what the other was doing, and gave each other death glares. The moment was, evidently, over.

Kiara clicked her remote, and Kaiba turned into a magician, saying – reluctantly – "O.K. Let's make some magic!" On the word 'magic', little bunnies and packs of cards sprouted from his sleeves. He sighed and continued gamely. "So how 'bout it? What is it _you_ want most?"

Joey grinned, almost sheepishly. "Well, there's this girl – "

Kaiba made a sound like a buzzer in a quiz show. "Eehhh!" His chest showed a heart with a cross through it. "Wrong! I can't make anybody fall in love, remember?"

"Oh, but Genie. She's smart and fun and…"

"Pretty?" suggested Kaiba, rolling his eyes.

"Beautiful!" corrected Joey, ignoring him. "She's got these eyes that just... and this hair, wow...and her smile."

Kaiba was, with a click of Kiara's remote, sitting in a Parisian cafe with Yugi and Ed.

"Ami. C'est l'amour," he said with an outrageous French accent, smoking a cigar.

Joey sighed, deflating slightly as he came back down to earth. "But she's the princess. To even have a chance, I'd have to be a – " Inspiration struck. "Hey, can you make me a prince?"

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_(1) Why was he walking slowly in the first place? HELLO? There is a psycho standing before you with a BIG STICK. Run away, MORON. (Don't get me wrong. Yugi's a good guy. He's just been coming up smelling of roses for a while now – you know, while everyone around him was getting BASHED? Yeah. _Equality_. I like it._

_Well, review peeps! And don't forget to tell me your fav charrie!_


	16. Chapter 16

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SIXTEEN CHAPTERS!_

_-sigh- I never actually thought I'd get this far! Wow!_

_So, once again, a BIG thank you to all my reviewers! Oh, and will some of you (I forget who and I'm too lazy to check) who reviewed the last chapter please, please tell me your favourite character? I wanna give you all plushies!_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. I also do not own Disney. I DO, however, own my Spice girls mug that has been my almost constant companion during my sickness... Wait, did I just admit that I own a Spice Girls mug?**

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**"Kaiba?" 

"What?" asked the grumpy blue sheep in the pen, glaring up at Kiara.

Kiara swooped down and planted a quick kiss on Kaiba's cheek. "I owed you… from the mistletoe, remember?"

Kaiba stared at her, a blank expression on his face.

Very quietly, Bakura snickered.

"WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT, DAMN TOMB ROBBER?" yelled the sheep.

Bakura stared. "Since when have _you_ ever called me 'Tomb Robber'?"

Kaiba swore softly and muttered something.

"I can't hear you!" sang Bakura.

Kaiba mumbled something, a bit louder.

"I _still_ can't hear yo-o-o-o-o-ou!" trilled Bakura gleefully.

"I _said_, Yami's rubbed off on me, okay?" snapped Kaiba.

Bakura sniggered. "That's _it_? Oh, come on… what a big baby. Just because you refuse to admit to my being alive in Ancient Egypt you can't handle picking up on Yami's idiosyncrasies – because Yami was alive then _too_!"

Kiara's mouth dropped open, and she spoke over Kaiba's muffled swearing – muffled because a piece of sellotape (sp?) had just appeared over his mouth, courtesy of Kiara. "Where on earth did _you_ learn the word 'idiosyncrasy'?"

Bakura looked uncomfortable. "Well, no one could live in Ryou's mind without picking up a _few_ big words…"

Kiara nodded. "True, I suppose."

"Cm mm mrf mm mms smm?"

"What?" asked Kiara.

The sheep rolled its eyes expressively.

"Whoops, sorry Kaiba." Kiara reached down and ripped the tape off of the sheep's mouth.

"OUCH! Dammit, be more careful!" snarled the sheep, rubbing its red mouth with a hoof.

Kiara giggled insanely. "I love doing that."

"That's my girl," said Bakura in a proud-father tone, patting Kaiba condescendingly on the head.

The sheep growled and tried to bite him, but he pulled his hand out of reach and laughed. "I'm off – have fun in the next scene, Kaiba!"

Kiara nodded. "Right, the next scene… JOEY!"

"Yes?" asked Joey, abruptly sitting up in the hammock strung between a heavily sweating Weevil and a fake tree, causing it to flip over and over, eventually spitting him out onto the floor. "Ow," he moaned, and got to his feet, brushing himself off.

"Charming, mutt. I can just see why _you_ have a fan club."

"I have a fan club?" Joey shook his head. "Anyway, what can I do for you, Kiara?"

Kiara grinned. "Well…"

"Within reason!" added Joey quickly.

Kiara's face fell. "Okay, fine then. Could you take your hammock away and get ready for the scene?"

"Sure, no problem!"

"Okay… Yugi, where are you?" Kiara looked around and spotted Yugi sitting and playing Go Fish with Ed in a corner.

"One second. Got any twos?" he asked Ed hopefully, but the carpet indicated the pile of cards in front of Yugi.

"Aw, man." Yugi picked up a card and turned to Kiara. "What can I do for you?"

"Are you ready for the scene, deary?"

"Sure." Yugi gathered up the cards, handed them to Ed and stood up. Ed shuffled the cards professionally and placed them carefully in their box.

"You make me nervous when you get all polite like this."

Kiara ignored Kaiba and picked him up, carrying the squirming little sheep under one arm. She settled herself on her new chair and threw him into the air.

Kaiba swore very loudly as he sailed through the air, but just as he was about to hit the floor, Kiara clicked her remote and he turned once more into genie-Kaiba. Another click forced him into a frilly pink apron. Joey sniggered.

"ACTION!" yelled Kiara, sending them both warning looks.

Kaiba plucked a cookbook from the air. The cover of the book read "Royal Cookbook". "Let's see here…" Kaiba reached into the cookbook and pulled out a chicken with a crown on its head. "Uh, chicken a' la king? Nope." He threw the chicken over his shoulder, where it burst into a thousand pretty pink bubbles and floated off to Neverland where it lived out its days in happiness.

Kaiba turned the page. "Alaskan king crab?" He suddenly gave a gasp of pain and pulled out his finger onto which a crab (1) is clamped. "Ow, I hate it when they do that. Caesar salad?" A dagger came out of the cookbook and tried to stab him. "Et tu, Brute?"

He turned over the page. "Ah, To Make A Prince. No, wait, that's "To Make _The Artist Formerly Known As_ Prince!" He glared at Kiara. "I can see the hand of _someone_ in this, and I think we're all fairly sure that that someone is _you_."

Kiara giggled. "Just get on with it, Kaiba!"

Kaiba sighed and, to avoid another electric shock, began again, turning over the page and reading, "To Make A Prince." He looked slyly at Joey. "Now, is that an official wish? Say the words!"

Joey grinned. "Genie, I wish for you to make me a prince!"

At a click of Kiara's remote, Kaiba turned into Arsenio Hall, and yelled (with a pained expression), "All right! Woop woop woop woop!" On each 'woop', he pumped one hand above his head.

Then, with another click, he became a tailor/fashion designer. He sighed very loudly and long-sufferingly and continued. "First, that fez and vest combo is much too third century. These patches – what are we trying to say – beggar? No! Let's work with me here." He bustled around Joey taking random measurements with a tape measure, and then snapped his fingers. Kiara pointed a long silver stick at Joey, and his clothes changed to his prince outfit.

Kaiba scowled, which could only mean that Joey looked _good_, too good for his liking. Kiara lowered her finger dramatically over the remote and he growled and said between gritted teeth, "I like it, muy macho!" The finger quivered and he rolled his eyes. "Now, still needs something. What does it say to me? It says _mode of transportation_. Excuse me, monkey boy!" Kaiba sniggered. "Aqui, over here!"

Yugi tried to hide behind Ed, but Kiara waved the remote threateningly and Kaiba zapped him and he flew over.

"Uh oh!"

Kiara fiddled with something on the underside of her remote control, and suddenly Joey and Kaiba were on a game show set, Joey standing behind a podium with "AL" on it.

"Here he comes," said Kaiba, only moments before being forced into a game show host's outfit by a click of the remote. "And what better way to make your grand entrance on the streets of Agrabah, than riding your very own brand new – "

A door with Kaiba's head on it opened, revealing Yugi transformed into a camel.

"…camel! Watch out, it spits!"

Yugi spat out of the side of his mouth on cue.

Kaiba examined him critically. "Mmm, not enough." He snapped his fingers and Yugi changed into a fancy white horse. "_Still_ not enough. Let's see. What do you need?"

Kaiba began to snap his fingers again and again, changing poor Yugi into: a duck, an ostrich, a turtle, and a snazzy Cadillac, with license plate "ABU 1." Finally, he returned him to normal.

Suddenly Kaiba appeared to have inspiration. "Yes! Esalalumbo, shimin dumbo!"

On the key word of 'dumbo', Yugi turned into an elephant. Ed struggled to get out from under Yugi's now size 46 feet.

"Whoa! Talk about your trunk space – check this action out!"

Yugi noticed his reflection in a pool of water and jumped into a tree, terrified. The tree, naturally, bent right back down to the ground. Yugi hung on and looked at Joey upside down.

Joey laughed. "Abu, you look good."

Kaiba smirked. Kiara motioned for him to go on, and he did, rolling up his sleeves as he spoke. "He's got the outfit, he's got the elephant, but we're not through yet. Hang on to your turban, kid, cause we're gonna make you a star!"

* * *

(1) Sebastian, from "The Little Mermaid"! 

_Thank you, thank you, thank you... I cannot thank those who review enough!_

_Ciao!_


	17. Chapter 17

_GNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Chapter 17! And 90 reviews! -faints-_

_-is revived- Who'd've thunk it?_

_Well, to all my reviwers... you guys ROCK!_

_Enjoy!_

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_

**Disclaimer: Oh, come ON! Don't tell me you haven't got it by NOW! Okay, okay, I'll say it again... for _you_! I. Do. Not. Own. YGO. Or. Disney. Or even the origional version of Aladdin. But I do own these snuggley socks! All hail the socks!**

**

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**"_The pear-shaped toad!_" sang Kiara 

"What?" Mai sounded confused.

"_Ooooh, sing sweet nightingale, sing sweet nightingale – hi-i-i-i-igh above meeee!_" continued Kiara, horribly off-key, ignoring Mai.

Mai clapped her hands to her ears as Kiara's voice wobbled up and down the tune, not really managing to sustain one key for very long.

"What's that – " Bakura clamped his hands over his own ears and stared at the blissfully singing Kiara. "You sound like a sick cat! You do know this, right?" he yelled over her screeching.

"Yes, of course I do. Why else would I be singing?" Kiara smiled and sang in a voice uncannily like Cinderella's, "_Sing sweet nightingale, sing sweet… nigh-tin-gale._"

Bakura's mouth fell open.

Mai gingerly took her hands off of her ears. "Did she stop?" she asked. She stared at Bakura. "Hello? What's wrong with _you_? Earth to Bakura!" She waved a hand in front of Bakura's blank face.

Kiara giggled and continued to sing in the same sweet voice. A robin appeared from out of nowhere and sat on her finger, twittering along to the tune.

Bakura's mouth hand closed, but his eye was twitching and he didn't appear to be breathing.

Mai shook him. "BAKURA! Snap out of it!"

"Huh? What?" Bakura pushed Mai away and frowned. "Cut it out, Kiara. The 'cutesy princess' look doesn't work for you."

Kiara touched her now long-blonde-perfect locks and fluttered her new, ultra-long eyelashes at him. "I think it's cool."

Bakura made a gagging noise. Mai snickered. Kiara pouted and returned to normal, shooing the bird away.

"So, what scene are we up to now…?" Kiara asked the room in general, pulling a large file toward her.

Mai pulled her script out of her pocket. "Let me see."

Kiara paged through the file, giggling quietly to herself. Suddenly, she let out a shriek of excitement. "Yes!"

"What? What scene is it?" asked Mai, rapidly paging through her book.

Kiara grinned. "The _Ali Ababwa_ scene!"

Mai turned over a page and looked up. "Yeah, I see. What's so special about it?"

"Duh. I get to torture Kaiba some more."

"Oh, spa-a-a-a-a-are me!" bleated the blue-eyed goat currently standing in the sheep pen, sounding annoyed rather than frightened.

Kiara laughed and tickled the goat under his chin. "Don't worry, Kaiba. I'll be fun!"

"Su-u-u-u-u-ure," bleated Kaiba-the-goat, rolling his eyes.

"Really!" said Kiara, earnestly.

Kaiba-the-goat shook his head and sat down with his back to Kiara.

Kiara unfurled a scroll. "HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BAKURA, MARIK AND YAMI MUST COME TO THE SET ASAP!"

"ASAP?" snorted Kaiba.

"Now, if not sooner," clarified Kiara, rolling up her scroll. "AND NOW FOR THE WEATHER…" (1)

"Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-are us!"

"Well, then." Kiara shoved the scroll down the side of the cushion of her couch.

Yami entered, closely followed by Bakura, on whose shoulder rested Marik.

"Right, you lot – get into position!" Kiara drew her legs up onto the couch and pulled a thick woollen blanket over herself. "And, ACTION!"

A pile of toys stood in the middle of the room, each one a different animal. (One of them looked suspiciously like Kaiba as a sheep, but we shall ignore that with dignity and continue. Oh. Yeah. And in the movie, if you look carefully you can see the Beast from Beauty and the Beast here!)

Yami placed a monkey that looked like Yugi if you closed one eye and tilted your head to the left, but not really. He placed another piece, and then the final piece. He sat back into his chair and sighed deeply. Bakura burst into the room, and the pile collapsed.

"Sire," began Bakura, waving away Yami's barely-started protest. "I have found a solution to the problem with your daughter!"

Marik groaned. Kiara waved cheerfully from her position, and went back to tying a new water balloon. Marik sighed deeply and squawked, "Awk! The problem with your daughter!"

Yami brightened. "Oh, really?"

Bakura held up a scroll and began to unroll it. "Right here." He allowed the bottom of the parchment fall to the floor as he zoned in on a paragraph. "'If the princess has not chosen a husband by the appointed time, then the sultan shall choose for her.'" he read.

Yami paused, a cracker halfway to Marik's mouth. "But Jasmine hated all those suitors!" He tried to stuff a cracker into Marik's mouth, but Marik backed away. Yami absentmindedly pulled the cracker back. "How could I choose someone she hates?"

Marik looked relieved, but as he relaxed Yami stuffed the cracker into his mouth.

Bakura smiled. "Not to worry, my liege. There is more. 'If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess must then be wed to...' Hmm… interesting."

Yami rolled his eyes heavenward and then pretended to be excited. "What? Who?"

Bakura let out a very fake gasp. "The royal vizier! Why, that would be... me!"

"Why, I thought the law says that only a prince can marry a princess, I'm quite sure…" Yami began to pick up the part of the parchment that was trailing onto the floor, trying to read what it said.

Bakura snatched it away from him. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, my lord." He put his snake staff in front of Yami's face and began to hypnotise him.

"Yes..." said Yami vaguely. "Desperate measures..."

Bakura moved the snake closer to Yami's eyes and hissed, "You will order the princess to marry me."

"I... will order... the princess... to..." The spell broke momentarily. "...but you're so old!" protested Yami.

Bakura scowled and held the staff closer to Yami's face. "The princess _will_ marry me!" he growled.

Yami was lost to the spell once again. "The princess will marry..."

He was cut off by the sound of trumpet fanfare, and the spell broke again. "What? What is that? That music!" He rushed to his balcony and looked down. "Ha ha ha – Jafar, you must come and see this!"

A giant hammer slammed onto the ground next to Bakura, who went pale.

"Sorreee!" called Mokuba's voice.

"It's okay, Mokie!" called Kiara, waving up at the raven-haired boy.

"Mokuba-a-a-a-a-a-a!" bleated Kaiba-the-goat. "So tha-a-a-a-a-at's where you've be-e-e-e-e-e-e-en! Get down from the-e-e-e-e-ere!"

"Big brother?" asked Mokuba, sliding down on a rope. "Is that _you_?"

The goat rolled its eyes. "No. It's Whe-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ler."

"Seto!" Mokuba climbed into the pen and hugged his brother. "Why are you a goat?"

"One gue-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ess!" said Kaiba-the-goat sourly.

Mokuba nodded, understanding dawning. "Well, Kiara, I'll just get on with what I was doing!" He grinned and ran out of the room, tripping over the fence of the goat pen in his hurry.

Kiara waved. "Now, let's carry on!"

The scene had changed to the street outside the palace. Kiara threw a little pink balloon at Kaiba, and it dumped a load of sparkly pink glitter all over him. She giggled and pressed her remote, changing him into Kaiba-genie in human form as a major/band leader person. (2)

A whole lot of men in armour appeared, singing, "Make way for Prince Ali!"

A whole lot of men juggling swords followed close on their heels, singing, "Say hey! It's Prince Ali!"

Kaiba sighed. "We've been through this."

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! Three water balloons collided with him.

"Don't make me shock you," said Kiara, waving the remote threateningly.

Kaiba surrendered and began to leap around, twirling his baton. He mingled with the crowd, talking to Ishizu, Ryou, and Duke with a brand new potbelly.

"_Hey, clear the way in the old bazaar, _

_Hey you, let us through, it's a bright new star, _

_Now come, be the first on your block to meet his eye! _

_Make way, here he comes, _

_Ring bells, bang the drums. _

_Are you gonna love this guy!_"

On the words 'ring bells', he banged on the brass pots that were serving as Duke's wares. On 'bang the drums', he played the drums on Duke's stomach.

"_Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa!_

_Genuflect – show some respect_

_Down on one knee!_"

Yugi the elephant marched through town, with Joey on his back.

"_Now try your best to stay calm_

_Brush up your Sunday Salaam_

_And come and meet his spectacular coterie._"

Up on the balcony, Marik was dancing to the music, but he stopped when Bakura glared at him.

Kaiba "wheelbarrowed" six 'men' (Ryou, Duke, Tea, Serenity, Weevil and Ishizu) up onto Yugi's trunk, and they stood on each other's shoulders as Joey shook all of their hands. The pile collapsed onto Joey, but a quick (although grudging) zap from Kaiba-genie changed that – quite suddenly, Joey was holding all the 'men' up in an acrobatic 'wheel' fomation.

_Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa! _

_Strong as ten regular men, definitely _

Kaiba-genie turned into an old man, with a click of Kiara's remote and sang, "_He faced the galloping hordes!_"

A _click_ of the remote turned him into a child with a wooden sword, who sang, "_A hundred bad guys with swords!_" while sword fighting with the air.

_Click_! Kaiba reverted to Kaiba-genie form and spoke to the crowd, "_Who sent those goons to their lords? Why, Prince Ali!_"

A group of men carrying golden camels marched up, singing, "_He's got seventy-five golden camels!_"

Kaiba popped up as a typical parade commentator. "Don't they look lovely, June?" he asked, making a face, before vanishing.

A group of women sitting on a float with a whole bunch of peacocks sang, "_Purple peacocks, he's got fifty-three!_"

Kaiba popped up again, this time as a female commentator – June! "Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers!" he gushed, scowling, before disappearing again.

A giant balloon gorilla proceeded down the road.

"When it comes to exotic type mammals…" 

Kaiba appeared as a leopard with a goofy expression. "_Has he got a zoo!_"

He turned into a goat, sighed and sang to the two random children from before, "_I'm telling you - it's a world-class menagerie!_"

Up on a balcony, three harem girls (Ishizu, Tea and Serenity) were joined by a large, blue, scowling harem girl – Kaiba, of course!

Kiara giggled.

Kaiba sang loudly, all but drowning out the girls counterpoint bits.

"_Prince Ali, handsome is he, Ali Ababwa_," he sang, rolling his eyes

"_There's no question this Ali's alluring_," sang the girls

"_That physique, how can I speak_?" sang Kaiba.

"_Never ordinary, never boring_."

"_Weak at the knee_!" continued Kaiba, placing his hands over his heart in a very overdone and entirely unconvincing show of amorousness.

"_Everything about the man just plain impresses_!"

"_Well, get on out in that square_!"

"_He's a wonder, he's a whiz, a wonder_!"

"_Adjust your veil and prepare_!" sang Kaiba, taking his own advice and adjusting his veil.

"_He's about to pull my heart asunder_!" swooned the three girls.

"_To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali!_"_  
_

"_And I absolutely love the way he dresses!_"

Mai, watching from her own balcony, gave a loud 'humph!' and walked away.

A chorus made up of random people from various Disney movies began to sing.

"_He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys_!

The 'guards' (a.k.a. Tristan, Duke and Weevil) did 'the monkey' and sang, "He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys!"

_And to view them, he charges no fee_!

"He's generous, so generous!" sang some random women in the crowd.

_He's got slaves; he's got servants and flunkies!_

"Proud to work for him!" sang some random servants.

_They bow to his whim, love serving him_

_They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali! _

_Prince Ali_!"

Joey threw gold coins out to the people, who rushed over to collect them.

Yugi-the-elephant and the parade marched up the steps of the palace and inside. Yami ran back inside to the door to the throne room, but Bakura stood in front of the door, barring him from opening it. Suddenly, it burst open, with Yugi leading the way, and Bakura and Marik were crushed behind the door.

"_Prince Ali!_" sang Kaiba exuberantly, pretending to be sick and getting a water balloon in the face for his trouble.

"_Amorous he!_

_Ali Ababwa_

_Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see!_

_And that, good people, is why_

_He got dolled up and dropped by_!

_With sixty elephants, llamas galore_

_With his bears and lions _

_A brass band and more_

_With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers_

_His birds that warble on key_

_Make way for Prince Ali!_"

More and more fanfare built up until Joey flew off Yugi's back on Ed, down to Yami. Bakura, after shoving the last of the parade out of it, slammed the door shut.

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(1)If you have watched _Corpse Bride_, you'll get this. 

(2)Is there a proper name for those people? Do enlighten me!


	18. Chapter 18

_Yes, I KNOW it's been a long time, but I missed so much work when I was home sick that it took a while to catch it all up! Anyway, here it is... chapter -gasp- EIGHTEEN!_

_Enjoy!_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO, or Aladdin. Or Disney. Or anything much, really.**

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"Kiara?"

"Yes, dear one?"

"Weevil's… uh… Naughty Corner… just, well… kind of… exploded." Ryou looked sheepish.

Kiara put her book down marked her place carefully and raised an eyebrow, otherwise not looking at all fazed.

"And… uh…" Ryou shuffled his feet. "It-was-my-yami-that-did-it," he said in a rush.

"I know, dear." Kiara lowered her eyebrow and adjusted her blanket. "I asked him to."

Ryou's mouth dropped open. "B-b-but, _why_?"

Kiara shrugged and shoved her book under a pillow. "I didn't like it any more."

Ryou sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he would _never_ understand Kiara.

"Oi, spike-head!" yelled Kiara suddenly, throwing a paper ball at Yami. It hit one of his spikes and stuck there.

He scowled. "Can I help you?"

Kiara repressed her giggles with difficulty and threw another paper ball. It landed on another of Yami's spikes. "I need you to hold some things for me…"

Yami sighed and tried to pull the paper ball off, but it was stuck fast. "What?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Kiara threw another ball at his head. "Well, isn't it obvious?" she asked, trying desperately to sustain her straight face. "PAPER BALLS!" Giggling, she pulled a switch and a trapdoor opened in the ceiling above Yami, showering him with paper balls.

Kiara dropped any pretence concerning her expression; the giggles turned to guffaws.

Yami's voice came out from underneath the pile, swearing loudly and decoratively in Ancient Egyptian.

"Why is a pile of… are those paper balls? Anyway, why is a pile of paper balls yelling?" asked Tea, walking in and stopping dead when she saw the pile.

"Not just yelling," said Marik, sitting comfortably on top of a pile of black chairs. "Swearing too. Really!" he added, in a mock-scolding tone.

Kiara took a fan out from behind a cushion and blew all the paper balls off of Yami, with the exception of the ones stuck to his hair. "Yami, sweetie, so glad you could join us!" she gushed, putting on a fake 'American kugal' accent.

Yami groaned.

Kiara shook her head, rolled her eyes and grabbed a pizza box out of thin air. She opened it, took out a slice of pizza, and threw the rest into the air. Pieces landed on the heads of Seto, Yami (soiling his paper balls somewhat), Mai, Bakura, Marik and Joey.

Mai began to screech angrily, trying to undo the damage to her hair but only making it worse.

Kiara took a bite and, with her mouth full, said, "All dose wif pizza onner eds cumere!"

"Pardon?" said Marik, climbing out from under the pizza, which had knocked him off the chairs and then fallen on him – miraculously – face up, so that he was relatively clean.

Kiara swallowed and, ignoring Mai's squawks of rage about her ruining her hair, repeated clearly, "All those with pizza on their heads, come here." She took another bite and added as an afterthought, "Peas."

Mai marched over and shook her pizza-smeared hands in Kiara's face. "Look what you did, you twit!" she began angrily.

Kiara shrugged. "So what?"

Mai stopped, mid-rant, and stared at her with her mouth hanging open.

Kiara placed her piece of pizza carefully on the arm of her couch and slapped Mai across the face. "Pull yourself together and tell me what's wrong," she said, sounding bored.

Mai shook her face and touched her cheek tenderly. "Are you _blind_?" she asked, not noticing that when Kiara has slapped her all of the pizza had vanished, returning her hair to its original state.

Kiara pulled a mirror from behind another cushion. "Have a look at yourself, and we'll see who is blind! Now, the rest of you – barring Seto, who I just pizza'd for fun – " Here she grinned and winked at Seto, who rolled his eyes heavenward. " – get ready for the next scene!"

Yami tried to get the paper balls off of his head, failed, and went to stand in his place. Bakura followed him, scraping the pizza off of his head and licking it off his hands. Marik sat on his shoulder and nibbled on a piece of his own pizza, trying to avoid getting pizza'd by the stuff dripping from Bakura's hair.

Once everyone was in place, Kiara sat back into her chair, pulled her blanket over her once more, lifted the remote and yelled, "ACTION!"

Yami clapped enthusiastically. "Splendid, absolutely marvellous!"

Joey bowed and said in a put-on deeper voice, "Ahem. Your majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand."

Yami nodded, the paper balls wobbling, and then pretended to know who Joey was. "Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course! I'm delighted to meet you." He rushed over to shake Joey's hand vigorously to draw his attention away from his fakery.

"This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He's delighted too."

Bakura said dryly, "Ecstatic" – looking anything but. "I'm afraid, Prince Abooboo – " he continued.

" – Ababwa!" corrected Joey.

Bakura brushed him off with a dismissive wave. "Whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to – "

"...by Allah, this is quite a remarkable device," interrupted Yami, tugging Ed's tassels. When he let go, Ed reached up and tugged his fake moustache. "I don't suppose I might...?"

"Why certainly, your majesty. Allow me," said Joey gallantly, helping Yami onto the carpet.

Bakura pinned the carpet to the floor with his staff. "Sire, I must advise against this – " he began, but Yami interrupted.

" – Oh, button up, Jafar! Learn to have a little fun." Yami kicked the staff away, and Ed swooped into the air. Yami gripped the front of the carpet as they zoomed high into the air.

Marik, who was standing on top of Bakura's staff, was jolted from his position by Yami's kick. He fell, repeatedly bopping the staff with his false beak as he descended.

Yami and Ed flew high into the ceiling, then begin a dive-bomb attack, flying under Yugi-the-elephant, scaring him. They continued to fly around the room, while Bakura turned to Joey and said,

"Just where did you say you were from?"

Joey faltered for a moment, and then said glibly, "Oh, much farther than you've travelled, I'm sure!" He grinned.

Bakura did not. "Try me."

Marik flapped his way onto the top of the staff and began to unclip the cable that allowed him to fly.

"Look out, Polly!" called Yami gleefully, as he and Ed swooped down. Joey and Bakura ducked in time, but Marik was hoisted into the air and began to fly desperately away from Yami.

"Hey, watch it! Watch it with the dumb rug!"

Yami passed under Marik, who sighed, wiped his brow, and proceeded to crash into a pillar. He slammed into the floor, and around his head miniature Yamis on carpets, saying, "Have a cracker! Have a cracker!" began to circle.

Meanwhile, the _real_ Yami began his final approach. "Out of the way, I'm coming in to land. Jafar, watch this!" He and Ed skidded to a halt.

"Spectacular, your highness," said Bakura, with absolutely no enthusiasm.

"Ooh, lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it."

Ed walked dizzily over to Yugi-the-elephant, swaying drunkenly, and collapsed. Yugi stuck out his trunk and caught the exhausted carpet before he hit the floor.

"This is a very impressive youth. And a prince as well!" Yami was saying. He leant over to Bakura and whispered, "If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Jasmine after all!"

"I don't trust him, sire," Bakura whispered back.

"Nonsense! One thing I pride myself on Jafar, I'm an excellent judge of character!" stated Yami, waving aside Bakura's protest.

From his place on the floor, Marik muttered to himself, "Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure... NOT!"

Mai entered the room quietly, looking around to find the source of all the noise.

"Jasmine will like this one!" Yami was exclaiming.

"And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Jasmine!" Joey replied, grinning.

"Your highness, no!" said Bakura, stepping between the two. "I must intercede… on _Jasmine's_ behalf," he added.

Mai's eyebrows met in the middle of her forehead when she heard this, and her hands balled into fists.

"This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?" Bakura shot Joey a look of contempt.

"Your majesty, I am Prince Ali Ababwa!" said Joey cockily. He wound Bakura's goatee, so that it sprung out in all directions. "Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter!"

Mai growled. "How dare you!"

They all turned to look at her, Joey with a slightly guilty look as he realised what he had just said, and how it must have sounded to her.

"All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won!" Mai turned and stormed out of the room.

"Girl _power_!" yelled Kiara, holding one fist in the air.

Everyone stared at her.

"What are _you_ looking at?" she demanded. "Get on with it!"

"Oh, dear." Yami sighed, and then noticed Joey's dejected expression. "Don't worry, Prince Ali. Just give Jasmine time to… cool down," said Yami, reaching up to place a hand on Joey's shoulder.

The two exited.

Bakura scowled. "I think it's time to say good-bye to Prince _Abooboo_."

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_Ta da! So, what did you think? Cookies for reviewers..._

_Cheers!_


	19. Chapter 19

_Oh wow. Oh... WOW. -disbelief etched on face-_

_Over a hundred reviews! -faints-_

_-wakes up- Whoa. You peeps are the MOST SIKKEST ROCKINGEST BESTEST OTHERCOOLADJECTIVE-EST readers EVER!_

_-happy tears- This chappie is deidcated to you. Enjoy._

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**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. Or Disney. Or Aladdin. Or these free plushies that every reviewer gets... -shifty look- What?

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"Bakura."**

"Hn?"

"Come here, please."

"One second."

"Look at that. Pathetic. In a minute they're going to start referring to each other as 'pooky' and 'shnookums'!" Kaiba sniggered.

Kiara raised one eyebrow. "If I want your opinion, Kaiba, I'll _give_ it to you."

"If I had a dollar for every time that line was used…"

"You'd be rather poorer than you are today, 'cause if you got all that money, I'd steal it," Kiara said, grinning. "Anyway, me and 'kura here would _never_ stoop so low."

"That's right," snickered Bakura. "We'd call each other 'doll' and 'babe' instead!" He dodged Kiara's swipe and howled with laughter.

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "See what I'm talking about?"

Kiara put on her best innocent face. "Nope."

Seto threw his hands up in disgust and stalked away. Kiara turned and whacked Bakura over the head with a broom from under her chair.

"What was that for?" asked the floored Bakura.

"Oh, nothing…" Kiara went off into a horrible cackle.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" yelled Duke, wobbling in through a side door. Kiara cackled louder.

There was a loud crash.

"Sorry!" yelled Mokuba's voice.

Kiara stopped cackling. "It's alright, Mokie, but be _careful_ with those things, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good boy." Kiara smiled. "Okay… JOOOO-EEEEY!"

"Yes?" Joey walked in through a side door, Mai close on his heels.

"Oh, good, Mai." Kiara smiled a slightly vampire-like smile.

"Hey, that's _my_ shtick!"

"Oh, shut up, Bakura. Nobody cares."

"_I_ care!"

"Mm-hm… Okay, Joey, Mai, Kaiba, Yugi… where is he, by the by?"

"Here!" called Yugi cheerfully from atop a large pile of chairs.

"Okay, yeah. So." Kiara cleared her throat. "Joey, Mai, Kaiba, Yugi, Duke and Ed to the set now, please."

"Say what?" The aforementioned people stared at Kiara in shock.

"GET ON THE DAMN SET RIGHT NOW. GOT IT?"

The aforementioned –

"Hey!" Kaiba yelled at the ceiling. "You've no right to group me with these… augh!" A bag of flour landed on his head.

"Good shot," Joey murmured appreciatively.

Ahem.

The aforementioned people sighed with relief.

"That's the Kiara we know and love," remarked Yugi.

"Love? I don't think so!" snapped a very pale Kaiba.

"You know what he means," said Joey, rolling his eyes.

"EXCUSE ME? CAN I GET YOUR ATTENTION FOR ONE MOMENT?" Kiara projected her voice over Kaiba's answer, which would probably have had to be censored anyway. "Thank you," she said normally, as everyone turned to look at her. "Let's start the scene, shall we?"

Mai turned and walked into the palace set, with Duke following behind in his tiger outfit, while Ed, Seto, Yugi (once again an elephant) and Joey arranged themselves in the garden.

"ACTION!" called Kiara, and Joey began to pace the garden.

"What am I going to do? Jasmine won't even let me talk to her. I should have known I couldn't pull off this stupid prince wish."

Yugi sat and tried to open a banana with his elephant paws. It squirted into his eyes, and he sighed, tossing the peel onto a large pile of similarly squeezed banana peels.

Kaiba groaned and then motioned across a chessboard to Ed. "So move!"

Ed moved, knocking one of Kaiba's pieces off of the board.

"Hey. That's a good move." Kiara's remote went _click_ and Kaiba turned into a Rodney Dangerfield look-a-like. "I can't believe it – I'm losing to a rug!" he said, tugging at his tie.

Joey rolled his eyes and sighed. "Genie, I need help."

The remote went _click_ again, and Kaiba turned into a Jack Nicholson look-a-like. "All right, sparky, here's the deal. You wanna court the little lady, you gotta be a straight shooter, do ya got it?" twanged Kaiba, shooting an imaginary bullet at Kiara from the tip of his finger.

Joey looked blank. "What?"

Kaiba flickered back to normal, or as normal as a giant blue person with no feet can be anyway, and a mortarboard appeared on his head. A blackboard appeared next to him.

He pointed to the blackboard with a long wooden stick. As it touched the blackboard, the words sprung up in big, white-chalk letters.

"Tell her the..."

He flipped the board over to reveal a large, brightly coloured, flashing sign that said –

"TRUTH!"

"No way!" said Joey firmly, waving his turban at the image to make it vanish. "If Jasmine found out I was really some crummy street rat, she'd laugh at me." He put on his turban, but with a _click_ of Kiara's remote it turned into Kaiba and lit up.

"A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh…" said Kaiba, rolling his eyes.

Kiara threw a pillow at him, missing him by centimetres.

Joey reached up and pulled a chain, turning off Kaiba's light. Kaiba rose up in his Genie form, holding the turban.

"Al, all joking aside, you really oughtta be yourself," he said seriously, and then spoiled the whole effect by miming throwing up. This time, the pillow made contact, hitting him off of Joey's head.

"Hey, that's the last thing I want to be!" snapped Joey, wrenching his turban from Kaiba and trying to stop himself from sniggering. He took a breath. "Okay, I'm gonna go see her. I gotta be smooth, cool, confident. How do I look?" He threw his cloak over his shoulder and smiled winningly.

Kaiba sighed and rolled his eyes. "Like a prince."

Ed lifted Joey up to the balcony. He looked through the gauzy curtains to see Mai lounging on her bed, looking listless. Duke was curled up by her side, fidgeting with his costume.

"Princess Jasmine?"

Duke stopped fiddling, looked up and growled.

"Who's there?" called Mai, looking up.

"It's me, Prince Ali… Ahem – " Joey made his voice deeper. "Prince Ali Ababwa."

Mai rolled her eyes and turned away. "I do not want to see you."

"No, no, please princess. Give me a chance!"

Duke got up and growled again, starting to walk menacingly towards Joey.

"Just leave me alone."

"Down kitty!" said Joey, as he backed against the balcony railing.

Down in the garden, Ed was watching the action with Kaiba.

"How's our beau doing?" asked Kaiba.

Ed made a beheading gesture across where his throat would have been.

"Good kitty, take off." Joey took off his turban and flapped it at Duke. "Down, kitty."

Mai stared at Joey, a look of recognition dawning. "Wait, wait. Do I know you?"

Joey shoved his turban back on his head. "Uh, no, no."

"You remind me of someone I met in the marketplace."

"The marketplace?" asked Joey. A rather fat blue bee began to buzz around his head. He looked at it and then faltered, "I have servants that go to the marketplace for me." He managed a small smile and continued more confidently, "Why, I even have servants who go to the marketplace for my servants… so it couldn't have been me you met."

Mai looked disappointed. "No, I guess not."

The bee, really Kaiba, (with an unmistakable Kaiba-like smirk on it's tiny face) buzzed in Joey's ear, "Enough about you, _Casanova_. Talk about her! She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes. Anything – pick a feature!"

"Um, Princess Jasmine?" began Joey. "You're very..."

"Wonderful, glorious, magnificent, punctual!" suggested Kaiba.

Joey seized upon the last one, "Punctual!"

Mai stared at him. "Punctual?"

"Sorry," said the bee, looking anything but.

"Beautiful!" fudged Joey quickly.

The bee scowled. "Nice recovery."

Mai smiled seductively. "Hmm. I'm rich too, you know."

"Yeah…" said Joey, slightly uncertainly.

Mai began walking slowly towards him. "The daughter of a sultan."

"I know."

Mai was quite close to him now. "A fine prize for any prince to marry."

Joey was _definitely_ sensing something wasn't quite right. "Uh, right. Right. A prince like me."

The bee's rear end started flashin red, and Kaiba yelled in Joey's ear, "Warning! Warning!"

"Right, a prince like you," said Mai, walking her fingers up Joey's nose. "And every other stuffed shirt, swaggering, peacock I've met!" she finished angrily, grasping the feather on his turban and wrenching it, pulling his turban over his face.

The bee's rear end was now on fire, and he was wearing fighter-pilot goggles. "Mayday! Mayday!"

"Just… go jump off a balcony!" said Mai irritably, turning and beginning to walk away.

"What?" said Joey, fixing his turban.

"Stop her! Stop her!" said the bee agitatedly. "Do you want me to sting her?" he offered.

Joey swatted at the bee, muttering, "Buzz off!"

"Okay, fine. But remember – bee yourself!" Kaiba-bee punned with a sour look in Kiara's direction, before flying into the lamp under Joey's turban.

"Yeah, right!" Joey said, rolling his eyes.

"What!" demanded Mai, turning.

Joey froze for a second and then improvised. "Uh, you're right. You aren't just some prize to be won." He sighed. "You should be free to make your own choice."

Mai stared at Duke in confusion.

"I'll go now," Joey said quietly. He climbed over the railing of the balcony and dropped off the edge.

* * *

_CLIFFHANGER!_

_-evil cackle-_

_Review, capiche?_


	20. Chapter 20

_Hey! Look! A new chapter!_

_Thanks to all my reviewers. You people rock, how many times do I have to say it?_

_I can't believe I'm on my TWENTIETH chapter. -tears up- Why, it seems like only yesterday I started this thing... _

_-reminisces for a long time until she notices readers giving her weird looks-_

_Ok, ok... enjoy the new chapter!_

_

* * *

_**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Any of it.

* * *

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

Kiara looked up from '101 Ways to Evade Mental Institutions' and groaned.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

"GEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kiara slammed the book shut and cocked her head to one side, listening.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, BABY!"

"Guess the screamer," she muttered, a smile starting to appear on her face.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hmm… Tristan."

"AAAAAAA-AAAAAA-AAAAAAAAA-AAAAA-AAAAAAAAA!"

"Tarzan yell? Duke."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA – HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Mai."

"KIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAA!"

"And that would be Yugi." She sighed and got to her feet, pushing her book down the side of the couch. She faced the door and squared her shoulders. "Right!" she said, and marched out of the room.

Minutes later, she was in the great hall two flights down and seven doors to the left. She reached up and pulled a lever by the door, and the gang dropped from the ceiling in a heap at her feet.

"Gee, thanks," muttered Kaiba sarcastically, still in the air.

"Shut up." Kiara banged the wall next to the switch and Kaiba fell to the floor, almost crushing Serenity.

"Hey!" yelled Joey, springing to his feet and tugging at Kaiba's trenchcoat.

"Leave off, mutt!" Kaiba wrenched his coat away from Joey.

There was a loud ripping noise. And a pregnant pause, which gave birth to numerous other pauses that became pregnant in a surprisingly short time.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Kaiba."

"WHAT?"

"Stop shouting at me."

"WHY? THAT IDIOT JUST BROKE MY COAT! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THESE THINGS _COST_?"

"No, and I don't want to." Kiara drew back her hand and looked steadily into Kaiba's stricken eyes. He glared back for a long time, and then eventually – ever so slowly – blinked.

_SMACK_!

"Ow! What was _that_ for, pray tell?"

"You lost control. I restored it. End of story. Now, Yugi, you wanted me?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"Scream recognition," said Kiara cryptically.

"Huh? Anyway, uh, I just wanted to ask you to get us down." He turned a delicate shade of pink. "I guess I panicked."

"It's okay, sweetie." Kiara put a comforting arm around Yugi shoulders and, carefully avoiding the spikes, smoothed his hair. "It's okay," she said again, picking Yugi up and cradling him in her arms.

Yugi's face had now gone a spectacularly bright red colour.

Kiara giggled and dropped him. "Couldn't resist. So, how do you lot like the Tarzan swing?" she asked, waving at the piece of rope hanging from the ceiling.

"Awesome, dude!" said Tristan.

"Double awesome!" countered Duke.

"_Triple_ awesome!"

"**Quadruple** awesome!"

"ENOUGH!"

"Sorry," Duke and Tristan said in perfect unison. Then they glared at each other and began to sulk.

"Come on, you lot! Let's get going – I want to start the next scene!"

They filed back to the filming room, and Kiara took her seat.

Mai appeared on the balcony, and flashed a thumbs up. "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo!" she said dramatically, leaning over the balcony.

Kiara stoically held threw a piece of paper at her.

She caught it, cleared her throat and continued, "Deny thy father and refuse thy name! Or, if thou wilt not, I'll no longer be a Capulet."

Tristan shot Kiara a confused look. "Say what?"

"Romeo and Juliet. Shakespearian play." Kiara clapped loudly. "ACTION, people!"

Mai took a few steps back, dropped the paper, ran back to the railing and gasped. "No!"

Joey's head appeared just above the balcony railing. "What? What?"

Mai stared, amazed. "How – how are you doing that?"

Ed flew up to hover at waist height (for Mai) and Joey said, "It's a magic carpet."

Ed took one of Mai's hands with a tassel and 'kissed' it. She smiled. "It's lovely."

"You, uh, you don't want to go for a ride, do you?" asked Joey suddenly. "We could get out of the palace – see the world!"

"Is it safe?" asked Mai, somewhat dubiously.

"Sure." Joey smiled. "Do you trust me?"

Mai's eyes flashed open as she remembered a certain street-rat saying the exact same line. "What?"

Joey extended his hand, mimicking what he did before. "Do you trust me?" he repeated.

Mai smiled slyly. "Yes." She grasped his hand and allowed him to help her onto the carpet.

Ed took off, knocking the two of them into sitting positions.

Mai looked back and saw Duke looking up at her from the balcony questioningly. She gasped as they fly over the palace wall and into the sky.

"_I can show you the world_

_Shining, shimmering, splendid._

_Tell me princess, now when_ _did you last_

_Let your heart decide?"_

Joey sang, as Ed zoomed down through the town, slowing momentarily to pick a flower. He passed the flower to Joey, who gave it to Mai. She smile appreciatively, smelling its' sweet scent.

"I can open your eyes 

_Take you wonder by wonder_

_Over, sideways, and under_

_On a magic carpet ride…"_

Ed swooped through the city, following Joey's sung instructions, and then flew up into the clouds.

"_A whole new world!_

_A new fantastic point of view_

_No one to tell us no_

_Or where to go_

_Or say we're only dreaming."_

Mai looked back and watched a painted Agrabah disappear from sight. Ed flew in and out of the clouds, clearly enjoying himself. Mai took a breath and began to sing in a clear, strong voice,

"_A whole new world_

_A dazzling place I never knew_

_But when I'm way up here_

_It's crystal clear_

That now I'm in a whole new world with you!" Joey smiled at her and echoed, "Now I'm in a whole new world…!" 

They each caught a small, fluffy cloud as Ed continued on his way. He flew in circles around a large cloud, making it look like a soft serve ice-cream.

"Unbelievable sights 

_Indescribable feeling_

_Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling_

Through an endless diamond sky…" 

They were joined in the sky by a flock of birds. One of the birds gave Ed a terrified squawk. He ignored it and proceeded to swirl around in a series of somersaults and flips, at times putting Joey and Mai in free-fall, but always catching them. They then zoomed above the clouds where they could see the starry sky.

"A whole new world!" 

Mai sang, but as Ed swooped down she closed her eyes in fear.

Joey put his arms around her and sang softly,

"Don't you dare close your eyes!" 

Mai opened her eyes and gasped at the breathtaking view. "_An hundred thousand things to see!_"

"_Hold your breath – it gets better!_"

Mai's eyes sparkled.

"_I'm like a shooting star,_

_I've come so far_

_I can't go back to where I used to be!"_

Ed zoomed down over a river, apparently the Nile, for beyond the white sails of a barge are the Great Pyramids. Joey and Mai waved at Ishizu, who was busy sculpting the complete nose of the Sphinx. She look up and gave them a smile, but then suddenly noticed that they were _flying_ and accidentally dug her chisel into the stone and broke off the front section of the nose.

"A-_ha_!" said Kiara decisively. "It was THEIR fault!"

Everyone stared at her.

"Get on with it!" she snapped.

Joey shook his head and sang, "_A whole new world_!"

"_Every turn a surprise_," interjected Mai.

"_With new horizons to pursue,_" Joey carried on, weaving his tune around hers.

"_Every moment, red-letter…_"

They flew alongside wild horses running. Mai bent down and petted one of them.

The horse whinnied and hopped higher, trying to keep up with them.

"_I'll chase them anywhere_

_There's time to spare_

_Let me share this whole new world with you_

_A whole new world_

_That's where we'll be…_" they sang together.

They flew through what appeared to be Greece, where Joey grabbed an apple from a tree and rolls it down his arm to Mai. The look on her face as she caught it showed that she had confirmed her earlier suspisions.

Joey, however, failed to notice and kept on singing. "_A thrilling chase_."

"_A wondrous place_," sang Mai,

"_For you and… me_!" they ended together. Ed flew low over a lake, trailing his tassels in the water, as Mai snuggled next to Joey. Kiara flicked a piece of popcorn at Marik, who turned on the reflection of the moon in the water.

"Tea break!" yelled Kiara, the moon reflecting in her eyes. "Ed, take Joey and Mai around the ceiling a few times while I organise the set."

Ed saluted and took off.

"SLOWER!" bellowed Kiara.

You could've sworn he pouted before he slowed down.

Kiara flicked more popcorn at Marik. "The switch, if you please."

Marik scowled and turned off the moon. Another piece of popcorn hit him on the ear.

"The other one, too."

He started to swear under his breath, but he got up and flicked another switch on.

There were multiple clanking and squeaking sounds, and the set changed to the rooftop of a Chinese-style house.

"End tea break!"

Ed brought a slightly dizzy-looking Mai and Joey down from their trip around the ceiling and landed on the roof of the Chinese house.

Fireworks began to burst and the couple arranged themselves to continue the scene.

"ACTION!" roared Kiara.

Mai sighed happily. "It's all so magical."

"Yeah," said Joey, admiring the scene of a Chinese New Year celebration being played out before them on a large screen.

Mai sat up a little straighter, shot a piercing look at Joey – which he failed to notice – and then said, "It's a shame Abu had to miss this."

Without thinking, Joey replied, "Nah. He hates fireworks."

Ed, who had been lying on his 'stomach' gazing boredly at the scene below them and at the two lovebirds, suddenly 'looked' up, realizing what was happening.

"He doesn't really like flying either," continued Joey. Suddenly, the lightbulb hit. "That is... oh no!"

Mai yanked off Joey's turban. "You _are_ the boy from the market! I knew it. Why did you lie to me?" she demanded.

"Jasmine, I'm sorry," Joey said, helplessly.

"Did you think I was stupid?"

"No!" Joey snatched his turban back from her.

"That I wouldn't figure it out?" Mai was growing more and more angry.

"No. I mean – I hoped you wouldn't… No, that's not what I meant." Joey shook his head, searching for the right words, and absently put the turban in his hands on.

"Who are you? Tell me the truth!" Mai demanded.

Joey looked at her. "The truth?" He looked desperately at Ed, who waved him on; evidently giving up all hope for the masquerade.

"The truth... the truth is..." Inspiration struck. "I sometimes… dress as a commoner – to escape the pressures of palace life."

Ed slumped down, defeated.

"But I really am a prince!" Joey ended, and the feather on his turban fell over into his eyes.

Softer, more gently, Mai asked, "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Joey faltered for a second, and then tried to smile, looking out over the celebrations. "Well, you know, um... royalty going out into the city in disguise, it sounds a little strange, don't you think?"

Mai smiled, melting. "Not that strange." She flicked his feather back up and snuggled next to Joey, watching the scene too.

Ed put a tassel under his chin and looked mystified, as though human logic evaded him completely.

"YAY!" Kiara yelled, throwing more popcorn in Marik's direction. "Scene change – AGAIN!"

Marik's swearing got louder as he flipped the appropriate switches, but it was still mostly inaudible.

The scene changed back to Jasmine/Mai's balcony. Ed swooped up the balcony with Joey and Mai. He made a part of himself into steps and Mai gracefully descended. he then floated to just below the balcony, waiting for Joey to say goodbye.

Mai smiled. "Good night, my handsome prince."

Joey returned the smile. "Sleep well, princess."

They leaned forward to kiss, but Ed rose and their lips met sooner than expected. Kiara applauded.

After a long kiss, Kiara coughed meaningfully and they broke apart. Mai smiled ad began to walk away slowly. As she got to the curtain to her room she turned and smiled back at Joey before going in.

* * *

_Aww... I love that song..._

_Now, you know what to do. -waves hand expansively-_

_(In other words, review or I'll set my giant purple monkey on you!)_


	21. Chapter 21

_Wow... look at how many review I be getting! Much huggage to reviewers! -grin-_

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. -tear- Not any of it. -sniffle-**

**

* * *

**"Kaiba." 

"Go away."

"Kaiba!"

"Go away."

"_Kaiba_!"

"Go _away_."

"KAIBA!"

"Go away."

"Seto."

"My name is KAIBA."

"No it isn't. That's your _surname_."

"Are you _really_ arguing this point?"

"Yes I am, Seto."

"KAIBA, dammit. It's not hard."

"Seto, open this door."

"Kaiba."

"Open the door, Seto."

"It's _Kaiba_!"

"Seto Kaiba, open this door _or so help me I will open it FOR you_."

It was the tone of steel in Ishizu's voice that really prompted Kaiba to open the door. "Ok," he said with a stab at irritability. "What do you want?"

"I want you to get over that coat. Come _on_, Kiara even got you another one. What _exactly_ is the problem?"

"The PROBLEM? Where have you _been_? A puny fan of the mutt, who has also spirited my brother away and keeps giving me electric shocks, is torturing me in every scene… Yeah. Everything's peachy, I'm just _overreacting_…" The sarcasm was forming a puddle by Ishizu's sandals.

"MY BROTHER IS A THREE FOOT TALL MIDGET, I WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND MY WORK, I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY DAMN NECKLACE AND YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT YOUR FREAKING COAT?" Ishizu looked positively scathing. She took a breath and said in a horribly quiet voice, "And _you_ think _you_ have it bad. I _cry_ for you, baby Kaiba."

Kaiba stared at her, a very blank look on his face. Kiara applauded.

Kaiba gave her a sour look. "Nobody calls me a baby," he mumbled.

Ishizu ignored him; she was already halfway out the room.

Kiara was making notes in her notebook. "Good, good…" she murmured. Looking up and seeing Kaiba giving her a weird look, she smiled. "I _knew_ bringing Ishizu would be a good idea," she explained airily. She put her notebook in a convenient rip in the time-space continuum and began to dig through the stuff buried down the side of the couch.

She pulled out a green hula-hoop. "Oh, hey, I wondered where this was!"

"A hula-hoop?" asked Mai as she entered. "Those are so _last century_."

"Exactly," said Kiara, not really paying attention to Mai. She put the finishing touch (a pink ribbon) to the hoop and held it up, parallel to the ceiling. "I choose YOU, Pegasus J. Crawford!" she yelled.

Pegasus fell through the hoop. Kiara threw it over her shoulder and went to help him up.

When he was upright again, Pegasus held Kiara at arms length. "Kiara! My, you've grown since I last saw you!"

"Last…?" asked Kaiba hoarsely.

"Aw, thanks Pegasus." Kiara grinned and conjured an overstuffed pink armchair out of thin air for Pegasus to sit on.

As he sat, he noticed Kaiba. "Kaiba-boy! You're here too? What fun, isn't it?"

Kiara's grin widened at the look of loathing on Kaiba's face. "Pegasus, would you take a bit-part in my movie?"

"Will it repay that old debt?"

"Sure." Kiara shrugged.

"I'm in!" Pegasus accepted the script pages from Kiara. "Aladdin, huh? How droll."

Kiara's grin was literally ear-to-ear. "Glad you approve."

"And… oh, Kaiba-boy! You didn't tell me you went in for comedy. He any good?" he asked Kiara.

She looked extremely smug. "The best."

Kaiba looked like he didn't know whether to kill her or thank her.

"OKAY, PEOPLE!" Kiara yelled suddenly, her voice echoing throughout the cavernous hall, and beyond. "TIME FOR ACTION!"

"Do you have to shout so _loud_?" asked Mai, hands on her ears.

"TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR EARS IF YOU WANT TO HEAR THE ANSWER!"

Mai carefully took them off, but kept them up in case Kiara took it to her head to start shouting again.

"Yes," said Kiara, sticking a bright green feather in her hair. "I did need to shout so loud, because otherwise some people fifty miles away would have missed out on hearing my dulcet tones and that'd be a shame, wouldn't it?"

Mai rolled her eyes and walked away. "I can't argue with a person who thinks it's normal to wear a bright green feather in her hair."

"Good. That's kind of the point."

Joey, Yugi, Yami, Tristan, Tea, Serenity and Bakura entered, disrupting Kiara's reply, which was sure to have been witty and sarcastic and yes I'm lazy but so what?

"Ok, everyone – the next scene is U-U-U-U-U-U-UP!"

"Really?" asked Pegasus, while a tape measure spun crazily around his head.

"Really really."

Pegasus swatted the tape measure out of the air. "So, let's go."

"Let's DO this thing! PLACES, everyone!"

As everyone sorted out where they were supposed to be, Kiara had a very quick conversation with a purple bunny. The bunny hopped away and she turned her attention to the scene at hand. "Action!"

Joey watched the curtain Mai had just (movie-chronology wise, anyway) gone through, and then fell backwards onto Ed sighing, "Yes!"

Ed slowly descended to the ground, and Joey got off. Smiling up at the balcony he said, "For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right."

Four sets of hands grabbed him.

"Hey! What?"

A gag was forced around his mouth, rather more roughly than needed. He tried to yell but it came out very muffled, "Abu! Abu!"

Kiara swung the camera around and focussed on poor Yugi-the-elephant, who was stuck in a net hanging upside down from a tree.

"Hold him!" commanded Tea.

Pegasus and Tristan placed shackles on his feet and his hands, while Ishizu tied Ed in a knot around a nearby tree.

Bakura walked up and turned Joey's face towards him. "I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome, Prince Abooboo." He turned away. "Make sure he's never found."

Tea whacked Joey on the back of his head and he went limp.

Kiara had one hand wrapped securely around Serenity's mouth a second before this happened, and now she clung on tightly to prevent the girl from going completely berserk. "Scene change!" she called cheerfully.

Tea and the other 'guards' carefully carried poor Joey off of the set. Kiara still did not release Serenity, although the girl increased her struggling tenfold.

The scenery changed to that of a cliff. Below the cliff was a large body of water – an inland lake.

"Action!" called Kiara helpfully.

Tea laughed unpleasantly and threw Joey off the cliff. Kiara was now using both hands on Serenity.

Joey's eyes opened as the cold water revived him, but there was nothing he could do. His legs were tied to a large rock, and down was, inevitably, the only way to go.

Down he went, and the rock hit the bottom with a dull, water-muffled _thunk_. The water lifted the turban off of Joey's head, and the lamp wafted out, landing in the sand a little way away. Joey saw it, and as he himself hit the floor, used the last of his strength to try and get to the lamp. Just as he got it near his tied hands, his strength gave out and he fell back into deep unconsciousness. The shifting of his weight caused the sand to shift, and the lamp rolled into his hands. He rolled sideways a little, causing his hands to move over the lamp's surface. The lamp wiggled and Kaiba exploded out of the tip.

Kiara let go of Serenity to fall off of her chair, laughing hysterically.

Pegasus tripped over her and landed in a heap on the floor.

Kaiba raised his eyes heavenward, in silent supplication.

Kiara got up, signalling a pink bear to help Pegasus. She wagged her finger up at Kaiba. "Don't you do that! It all comes with the territory. Besides, what are you getting so worked up about? It's just me seeing you like this."

"What do you mean?" asked Kaiba suspiciously.

"I blinded Pegasus," Kiara said, carefully neglecting to mention that she hadn't bothered to blind anyone else.

Kaiba stared at her.

"Only temporarily," Kiara continued airily. "Now, onwards!"

Kaiba was sucked back into the lamp, and then – with much shaking of the lamp – he reappeared, wearing a shower cap and carrying a bath brush and rubber ducky.

Kaiba groaned. Kiara raised her remote threateningly. He sighed. "Never fails. Get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp." He squeaked the ducky. "Hello."

It was then that he noticed the unconscious Joey. "Al? Al! Kid, snap out of it! You can't cheat on this one! I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say 'Genie I want you to save my life.' Got it? Okay. C'mon Aladdin!"

He grabbed Joey by the shoulders and shook him. Joey's head went up, and then fell to his chest.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Kaiba's head turned into a siren. "Wooga! Wooga!"

Then he turned into a submarine, said "Up scope!", and then began to babble in something that sounded vaguely German.

On the surface, a giant waterspout emerged, and dumped Joey on top of the cliff. Joey opened his eyes and then sat up, coughing the water out of his lungs.

"Don't you scare me like that!" scolded Kaiba.

"Genie, I – uh, I – uh..." Joey was at a complete loss for words, but Kaiba understood and hugged him. Joey hugged back. "Thanks, Genie."

Kiara took a picture. "For evidence."

"Oh, Al. I'm getting kind of fond of you, kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything…"

* * *

_-giggles- Go hula hoops!_

_And now... you know what to do..._

_-points meaningfully at review button-_


	22. Chapter 22

_DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY REVIEWS/HITS THIS THING HAS? -cries happily- Thanks, y'all._

_On a more serious (yeah, right) note..._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. Or Aladdin. Or Disney. We might be going to Disneyland at the end of this year though. -excited squee-**

**

* * *

**"Pegasus, dear." 

"Yes?"

"Pass the sugar."

"With pleasure."

"Thank you."

"Mmm… nice blend."

"Thank you."

"It's true."

"The secret is in the cinnamon."

Pegasus took another sip. "I don't taste any cinnamon."

Kiara smiled. "That's the secret."

Pegasus took another sip and brightened. "You're right. No cinnamon makes the world of difference."

Tristan groaned. "I never want to see a croissant again…"

Joey obligingly picked up a croissant and waved it in his face.

Tristan surged to his feet, knocking the table over, and tackled Joey.

Mai sighed. "I did warn you, Kiara. Those two have no idea of how to behave."

"Au contraire, Mai," said Kiara, getting up and righting the table with a flick of her wrist. "They have _an_ **idea**. That's about it, though."

Mai sniggered. "That's true enough."

Kiara smiled and went to separate the boys. "Yami, Mai, Bakura and Marik, start getting ready for the scene. Duke, Yugi and Tea, start pushing the tables to that wall. Pegasus, if you go through the purple door and take four left turns, you'll find a portal back home. I sent you some tea, too."

"Thank you," Pegasus waved cheerily to everyone and exited through the orange door.

Kiara groaned and rolled her eyes. "Pegasus! Four RIGHTS, okay?"

"Four right turns? Got it," came Pegasus' muffled reply.

Kiara sat down on her chair. "What _would_ they do without me?" she mused.

"Live normal lives?" Kaiba snapped acidly.

Kiara laughed. "Kaiba, shut up. You're just miffed because I didn't invite you to my tea party and I invited Joey… right?"

Kaiba's mouth fell open. "Excuse me?"

Kiara poked him. "Kidding. I know you better than that." With a dismissive wave in his direction, she turned and began to dig down the side of her chair. "Huh… got to be here… hmmm…. no, that's not it… where is that thing… aha! …or not aha, whichever… uh… Here we go!"

She raised a triumphant hand into the air. It held a small blue bouncy-ball.

Mai leaned over to Tea. "This is going to be good," she whispered. "I can feel it."

Kiara brought her hand down and let go of the ball. It bounced at her feet and sailed high into the air. All eyes (except Kiara's, for she had now begun to rummage again – oh, and Joey and Tristan pretty much ignored it too) watched its progress.

It bounced again on the set, hitting but fortunately not breaking the railing of the balcony outside Mai/Jasmine's room, and then sped upwards once again.

It bounced down right on the spot that Tristan and Joey were currently occupying. It did not bounce up again – it just grew, bigger and bigger, forcing the two apart.

"Now," said Kiara, who had stopped rummaging. "I know that these fights are your little rituals of friendship or whatever, but we have a schedule, people! Now, get into your places!"

Everyone obeyed, even Tristan and Joey. The two had apparently gotten over the croissant thing and were once again best buddies.

Kaiba gave them a scathing look. "Barbarians," he muttered.

Kiara raised a party favour to her lips and blew it. A sound not unlike a foghorn erupted from the end, echoing noisily around the hall. Only once it had entirely gone did Kiara say brightly, "Action!"

Mai picked up her hairbrush and began to slowly brush her hair, humming 'A Whole New World'. The door to her room opened, showing a clearly hypnotized Yami.

"Jasmine!"

Mai spun around. "Oh, father – I just had the most wonderful time. I'm so happy!"

"You should be, Jasmine. I have chosen a husband for you," said Yami in a dull monotone.

"What?" breathed Mai.

"You will wed…" The other half of the double door opened, revealing Bakura. "Jafar."

Mai gasped.

"You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife."

At that, Mai quickly regained her power of speech. "I will _never_ marry you."

She went to Yami's side. "Father, I choose Prince Ali!"

"Prince Ali left!" said Bakura, shrugging.

"Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!"

They all turned to see Joey standing in the doorway to the balcony.

"Prince Ali!" Mai gasped.

Bakura gasped too.

On his shoulder, Marik cried, "How in the he – uh, awk!" he finished lamely, remembering that he was supposed to be a parrot.

"Tell them the truth, Jafar! You tried to have me killed!"

"What?" snapped Bakura, striding over to Yami. "Ridiculous nonsense, your highness. He is _obviously_ lying." He brought his snake-staff close to Yami's face.

"Obviously... lying," repeated Yami slowly.

Joey saw this, and it all clicked together.

"Father, what's wrong with you?" cried Mai.

"I know!" With that, Joey grabbed the staff and smashed the snakes head on the floor.

Bakura flinched, and the spell over Yami broke.

"Oh, oh, oh my!"

"Your highness, Jafar's been controlling you with this!" Joey held out the staff.

"What? Jafar?" Yami's eyes narrowed. "You, you traitor!"

The three advanced on Bakura.

"Your majesty, all of this can be explained," said Bakura hastily, but Yami ignored him.

"Guards! Guards!"

Marik sighed. "Well, that's it – we're dead, forget about it. Just dig a grave for both of us. We're dead."

Bakura, on the other hand, wasn't so fatalistic. He'd noticed the lamp in Joey's pocket, and made a grab for it. The guards caught him and pulled him back, away from his prize.

"Arrest Jafar at once!" commanded Yami.

"This is not done yet, boy!" snarled Bakura, and he pulled a thin vial from his pocket.

Joey noticed it and ran towards him, but Bakura was too quick. He threw the vial to the floor, and a huge red cloud appeared. When it cleared, Bakura and Marik were nowhere to be found.

"Find him. Search everywhere!" ordered Yami.

Joey moved to Mai's side. "Jasmine, are you all right?" he asked gently.

"Yes." Mai moved in to kiss Joey, but they were broken apart by the sultan.

"Jafar, my most trusted counsellor, plotting against me all this time. Just horrible. How will I ever – " Yami stopped, mid-rant, and looked carefully at the two of them. A hopeful, wondering look came onto his face. "Can it be true? My daughter has finally chosen a suitor?"

Mai nodded, blushing just a little.

"Ha ha! Praise Allah! You brilliant boy, I could kiss you! I won't – I'll leave that to my... You two will be wed at once! Yes, yes. And you'll be happy and prosperous, and then my boy, you will be sultan!"

"Sultan?" Joey's eyes widened.

"Yes, a fine upstanding youth like yourself, a person of your unimpeachable moral character is exactly what this kingdom needs!" said Yami, smiling at him with almost fatherly pride.

However, at the words 'unimpeachable moral character', Joey started to look a little worried.

* * *

_Ehehehehehehe..._

_Anyway, you peoples know what to do. What do you mean, you don't? HELLO? Ok, you know what, I'll say it onme more time..._

_Review. Or I'll set my llama on you. Look out, it spits._


	23. Chapter 23

_Hey look! It's ALIVEEEEE! -cough- Sorry about the freakishly long time it took me to update, I truly am. I just can't seem to find time to just sit at the compy and WRITE (type?). _

_Anyway, I have a special happy shoutout to kaibafan18 or whatever the hell your screen name is. Please PM me with any issues you may have, dearie. I'm not allowed to say any more here; it's considered 'script format' or something. But, I have to add that every single word on these pages but for the stuff I "borrowed" from Disney is origional. All mine. Anyway, PM me, do, and we can have a good long row... uh... I meant, talk._

**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO, or Disney, or the origional tale of Aladdin. Or anything much really.**

_Onwards, brave souls!_

Kiara poked her tongue between her teeth and sighed, a slight whistle escaping her.

"What's up?" asked Serenity, perched precariously on the arm of Kiara's couch-chair.

Kiara looked up at her and grinned. "Nothing, I just like the noise." She turned to the rabbit hutch beside her and addressed the small blue rabbit within. "Say, Kaiba, you ready to move yet?"

The rabbit bared its teeth and said sullenly, "Knight to E5."

Serenity obligingly moved the piece for him.

Kiara pulled a carrot out of thin air and nibbled at it, examining the chessboard. "Hmm…" She looked at her watch. "Oh, look at the time! Sorry, Kaiba, but the show must go on!"

"You're just afraid you'll be beaten by a rabbit," accused Kaiba, wriggling his cute little rabbit nose for emphasis.

Kiara grinned. "Who, me?" She got to her feet, cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "BAKURA!"

Long pause.

"**BAKURA**!"

Another pause devoid of Bakura entering.

"**BAKU-U-U-U-URA!**"

"Yes?"

Kiara rolled her eyes. "Drama king."

"Who, me?" Bakura tried to paste an innocent look on his face, but somehow it couldn't seem to stick. "Well, anyway, what do you want?"

"You." Kiara shook her head. "That much should have been obvious."

Bakura heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Yes, I _got_ that part. I want to know _why_ you want me."

"Well, why didn't you just SAY so?" demanded Kiara, grinning.

Bakura groaned. "Lame."

"I know… where have you been, bozo – my entire BEING is created by LAME! It's… a part of me…" Kiara started to sing the lame-song, which basically consisted of her singing, 'lame lame, we're all lame, nerds are knurds are DRUNK…'

Bakura and the blue rabbit exchanged glances. Kiara stopped singing and glared at them.

"Is there a problem?" she demanded, getting to her feet.

The rabbit snickered. Kiara calmly held out her remote and pointed it at him, pressing a button. The snicker died instantly, a strangled yelp taking its place.

"Thought you might see it my way." Kiara slid the remote into her pocket, beginning to hum the lame-song again.

The rabbit began muttering, and it is infinitely possible that if it had tried to speak louder it would have had to be censored.

Kiara put the remote in her pocket and pulled a gavel from under a cushion. She banged it on the wall, the noise echoing through the room. "Attention!" she said calmly. "We're starting the next scene. You – " she pointed the gavel at Bakura. "Go find your evil side-kick."

Bakura pouted. "I thought _I_ was the evil side-kick!"

Kiara shook her head. "No-o-o-o… you're the _evil_."

"Ah." Bakura looked reassured. He turned and sauntered out of a bright blue door, slamming it shut behind him. It wriggled and vanished.

Kiara began to hum. Her fingers drummed impatiently on the arm of her couch, beating out the time to her tune.

Eventually, Bakura returned with Marik sitting on his shoulder in his bird-costume.

"You took your time!" Kiara accused.

"I did." Bakura bowed. "Thank you for noticing."

"Well, get onto the set… we're starting."

"About time, too."

Kiara responded very maturely by sticking her tongue out in Bakura's direction. Kaiba snorted, the sound sounding more snuffle-y than snort-y thanks to his altered features.

Bakura cackled. Marik smirked, and took a bite of a blueberry muffin. Kiara rolled her eyes and pointed at the set. Bakura swaggered onto it, picking up his staff and twirling it between his fingers.

Kiara settled herself into her chair. "Action!" she called helpfully.

Bakura swept into his chambers, and Marik swooped off of his shoulder.

"We gotta get outta here! We gotta get – I gotta start packing, your highness. Only essentials." He landed by his cage and began to throw things out of it over his shoulder into an open suitcase.

Bakura smiled broadly.

"Travel light! Bring the guns, the weapons, and the knives…" continued Marik frantically, throwing each object over his shoulder as he spoke. Suddenly he stopped and pulled out a framed picture of him and Bakura. "…and how about this picture? I don't know – I think I'm making a weird face in it."

Bakura started to laugh wildly, banging on the closed door behind him.

"Oh, boy--he's gone nuts. He's cracked." Marik flew off of his perch and hovered in front of Bakura's face. He rapped the hysterically laughing evil psycho on the head. "Jafar? Jafar? Get a grip, Jafar!"

Bakura's hand snapped up, gripping Marik around the neck.

"Good grip!" choked Marik.

"Prince Ali is nothing more than that ragged urchin Aladdin. He has the lamp, Iago." Bakura was back to his sinister, unsmiling self. He let go of Marik's neck.

"Why that miserable – " began Marik.

"But _you_ are going to relieve him of it!" continued Bakura, sweeping past Marik up the stairs into the main room of his dungeon.

"Me?"

_And there you have it. The twenty-third chapter. Go me!_

_Also, the line-button thingy isn't working... bear with me. It's not too bad; the type changes anyway. -shrug- Not a big issue._

_And... -points meaningfully at purple button- you know what to do..._


	24. Chapter 24

_YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

_Another chapter! Go me!_

_I can tell you why it was so quick, though. My internet 'died' for a few days, so instead of doing -cough- stuff -cough- I actually SAT DOWN AND WROTE! Or typed, either or. Also, because it's exam time again, I have lots and lots of spare time. Which I SHOULD spend studying, but why take all the fun out of it?_

**Disclaimer: I dun orn it. Nun ovit.**

"Hey, Kaiba!"

"What?"

"I owe you something."

Kaiba visibly braced himself. "What?"

A water balloon smashed on the wall above his head, drenching him.

"That."

Kaiba made a very rude sign with his fingers at Kiara and slouched lower.

"Nice. Very grown up and mature."

"Kiara," said Bakura, walking up behind her with Marik on his shoulder. "I have a complaint with the script."

"Oh?"

"I lose."

"Yes, well, you're the bad guy."

"But – "

"No buts! This is DISNEY, for crying out loud! The bad guy ALWAYS loses. Even when it's a female bad guy."

"How can you have a _female_ bad _guy_?" asked Tea, peeling a banana from her spot on top of a barrel of fish props.

Kiara shrugged and held out a catcher's mitt. "I have no idea."

Tea squinted at her and took aim. The banana sailed upwards, and then was caught in mid-flight by the trunk of Yugi-the-elephant, who was sitting in the corner. Kiara applauded. Yugi placed the banana in his mouth and grinned.

"Oh, wise Sultan…" Mai slinked up behind Joey and wrapped her arms around him from behind. "How may I serve you?"

Joey started, and then turned a spectacular shade of pink. A variation of magenta, it looked like. He stared over his shoulder at Mai and swallowed the last of the banana he'd been eating. "Um, hello, princess."

Mai laughed, not moving her arms. "You didn't answer my question."

Kiara threw a dart at them. It landed squarely on Mai's forehead, the suction cup on the end actually working – miracle of miracles. Kiara giggled gleefully, rubbing her hands together, evil-genius style.

Mai straightened, releasing Joey, and pulled the dart off of her forehead. There was a bright orange dot where the dart had landed. Joey tried not to laugh.

"Um… my wish? My wish is that you go and… get ready for our next scene…" Joey avoided looking at the orange spot. It snuck over Mai's nose and tried to blend in on the skin by her ear, failing admirably.

Mai raised an eyebrow and shrugged, walking away. Behind her, Joey stuffed a fist in his mouth and snorted. The minute Mai left, Kiara fell off of her chair, laughing.

She got up, wiping tears from her eyes. "That was fun," she snickered. "I'd always wanted to see what those things did."

There was a loud shriek. Evidently, Mai had come across a mirror. Kiara sniggered, waving a hand at the door Mai had gone through. It locked with a loud click. Within seconds, there was the sound of hammering at the door. Kiara snickered. "Forewarned is forearmed," she announced sagely, getting to her feet.

"Zat so?" muttered Kaiba belligerently.

"Yesh, zat's so," Kiara answered without missing a beat, a sickly-sweet smile on her face.

Kaiba rolled his eyes.

"Kaiba."

He ignored her. She walked right up to where he was sitting and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Kaiba, two things." No reaction. "A, you're being a monumental baby. And two, get ready for the next scene."

"You do realise you just said 'A', and then 'two', right?"

"Of course!" Kiara batted the air as if to bat the snide comment away, and pulled out her remote. Kaiba visibly flinched, and then her finger touched a button and he turned back into a fluffy blue rabbit.

Kiara bent and addressed the sulky-looking rabbit. "Come on, Kaiby-waiby… I _did_ say there was a time limit."

Kaiba-the-rabbit chose not to respond. Kiara picked him up and tucked him under one arm. She turned and addressed the rest of the cast.

"All right everyone… it's that time again! Joey, Kaiba, Yugi, Duke… no actually, we don't need Duke… Marik, Ed…that's it."

"Oh. Good." Bakura's voice was heavily laden with sarcasm.

"Yes, isn't it?" Kiara's was not. She pulled a tongue at the evil psychopath and set Kaiba-the-rabbit down in the middle of the set. Then, giant black wings sprouted from her back and carried her gently to her chair. They vanished when she was just above it, letting her fall to her seat with a very (un)ladylike, "Ooof!"

Her mouth quirked irritably. "Right. Places, everyone… READY? SET? **ACTION**!"

Joey walked onto the balcony of his new suite, and ran a hand through his hair. "Sultan? They want _me_ to be sultan?"

Kiara pressed her remote, and Kaiba-genie came out of the lamp. She pressed again to change him into a one-man band.

With a sour look in her direction, Kaiba monotone-d his way through the singing of, "Huzzah! Hail the conquering hero!"

Kiara shook her fist at him warningly. It helped that there was a full water balloon in that fist.

Kaiba summoned up some totally false enthusiasm. "Huzzah! Hail the conquering hero!" He began to play all his instruments at once, and Kiara discreetly pressed a button on a CD player. The real music came out of speakers hidden in Kaiba's instruments, drowning his futile attempts at actually making _music_.

Joey walked away from him, hanging his head.

Kaiba looked confused, and scratched his head. He zoomed over to where Joey was walking, and held up his hands in an impersonation of a director scoping out a picture.

"Aladdin! You've just won the heart of the princess! What are you gonna do next?"

Joey looked up at him, and turned away to fall onto his bed. He let out a depressed sigh.

Kaiba raised a confused eyebrow, and the floated to Joey's elbow. He pulled out a script labelled "Aladdin" and whispered, "Psst! Your line is: "I'm going to free the genie." Anytime."

Joey lifted his head and said in a hopeless voice, "Genie... I can't."

"Sure you can. You just go – " Kaiba grabbed Joey's head and worked his mouth up and down, saying, "'Genie, I wish you free'."

Joey pulled away, not looking at Kaiba. "I'm serious." He took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry – I really am. But they want to make me sultan_ – no_! They want to make _Prince Ali_ sultan. Without you… I'm just Aladdin." He shrugged.

"Al, you **won**!"

"Because of you!" Joey half-yelled, sounding a lot more aggressive than he'd intended. In a softer voice he explained. "The only reason anyone thinks I'm anything is because of you. What if they find out I'm not really a prince?"

His voice went even softer. "What if Jasmine finds out? I'll lose her. Genie, I can't keep this up on my own. I… I can't wish you free." There was a pained look on his face as he said the last line.

Kaiba's eyes widened for a moment, and then he looked at the floor, and then faced Joey. "Hey, I understand," he said acidly. "After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, _master_."

His last word laced with pure disgust, he vanished into his lamp.

"Ohhh…" said Yugi from his place beside Ed, looking in the window.

"Genie, I'm really sorry," Joey said again.

A tongue came out of the spout and raspberried him.

"Well… fine!" Joey picked up a pillow and slammed it on top of the lamp. "Then just… just stay in there!"

He looked up and noticed Yugi and Ed. "What are you guys looking at?"

With a hurt look, Yugi turned to leave, Ed right beside him.

"Look, I – I'm sorry." They began to move away from the window. "Wait, Abu – wait – I'm sorry, I didn't… wait, c'mon." Joey went to the window and watched the distance between them grow bigger. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself. "Genie's right – I've gotta tell Jasmine the truth."

From a distance, Mai's voice echoed through the room. "Ali, oh Ali – will you come here?"

Joey got up and put on his turban. Taking a deep breath, he muttered, "Well, here goes." He walked out into the garden. "Jasmine? Where are you?"

Marik, standing on stilts and wearing a large flamingo beak over his own, was standing next to a real flamingo in the pond. He cleared his throat and began to do a surprisingly good imitation of Mai's voice. "Ahem… 'In the menagerie, hurry'."

"I'm coming," Joey called, beginning to walk faster, not even glancing at the birds.

Marik laughed, watching him leave, and then turned back, suddenly beak-to-beak with the other flamingo, which was panting heavily. "D'uh!"

Marik scowled. "Ya got a problem, pinky?" He swept the bird's legs out from under it with his stilts and ran into Joey's room. He shed the beak and stilts and hopped across the bed. Lifting the pillow, he grinned at the lamp.

"Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you!"

Stretching his face and making one of his feathers stand up behind his head, he imitated Bakura's voice. "Good work, Iago!"

Switching back to normal and grabbing the lamp, he 'replied', "Ah, go on."

Once again playing the part of Bakura, he began to fly, holding the lamp between his costume claws. "No, really – on a scale of one to ten, _you_ are an eleven!"

"I would NOT say that!" Bakura interrupted, sounding insulted. Kiara casually lobbed a water-balloon in his direction, motioning for Marik to continue. Bakura walked off to change, muttering to himself.

Marik rolled his eyes, heading for the window. "Ah, Jafar – you're too kind. I'm embarrassed; I'm blushing." Still holding the lamp firmly, he swooped out of the window, laughing to himself.

_The liney thingies are still not co-operating... damn! Anyway, I'll live without..._

_Sho long, and don't forget to write!_

_((-cough- a.k.a., review, dorlin' -cough-))_


	25. Chapter 25

_This is possibly one of teh more dramatic chapters. Also one of teh more random ones 'cos of what happens in teh beginning. Anyway, it's a lovely long one, so I'm expecting lovely long reviews! Hear me? LONG!_

_Anyway, enjoy what I privately like to call "Bakura's Triumph/The Gal's chap"... you'll see why, very soon... very, very soon..._

**Disclaimer: Hello? Haven't you been paying attention? I. Do. Not. Own. YGO. Neither. Do. I. Own. Aladdin. Got it?**

There seemed to be a conspicuous absence of anyone male, Mai noticed. She looked into the rabbit hutch, but even Kaiba was gone.

"Um… Kiara?"

"Yes, dear?" Kiara put down her bright orange knitting and looked up. The knitting unravelled as soon as she stopped holding it, and slipped off of her lap to the floor.

"Where's – well – everyone?"

Kiara looked mildly confused. "What do you mean, Mai? You're here, I'm here, Serenity's there, and so is Ishizu." Kiara pointed across the room to Jasmine's room, where Serenity and Ishizu sat.

Mai raised an eyebrow. "You kind of left out half of the people there."

Kiara raised one of her own. "Really? Hadn't noticed." She bent down and picked up the wool, muttering.

Mai waved an expansive arm. "The boys?"

Kiara did not look up. "What about them?" she asked, her voice muffled as she shoved her head under her chair to look for one of her knitting needles.

"They're… not _here_?"

Serenity and Ishizu walked over to them, Serenity still holding a pillow from Jasmine's bed. She stared at Kiara's headless form. "Um… Kiara?"

A squashed-sounding, "Yup?"

"Where's Joey?"

"And – " Kiara pulled her head, covered in dust and bits of grey fluff, back out from under the couch. "Cue music!"

_Humidity's rising  
Barometer's getting low  
According to all sources  
the street's the place to go_

"What the – "

Kiara flung up her hands and began to sing along, ignoring the bemused looks on Mai, Serenity and Ishizu's faces.

"_'Cos tonight for the first time  
At just about half past ten  
For the first time in history  
It's gonna start raining men…_"

Kiara snapped her fingers and drew Serenity into her wildly capering dance. Mai had started to dance too, laughing at Kiara's wild, uncoordinated movements. Quite suddenly, after a boom that sounded suspiciously like thunder, _literal_ _men _(we-e-ell… okay… **_boys_**)_ started falling from the ceiling!_

Yami, closely followed by Yugi and Duke, fell in a strange, slow motion dive from the ceiling, trying their best to look supremely unconcerned. Yugi was failing miserably.

"_It's raining men  
Hallelujah it's raining men!  
Amen  
It's raining men  
Hallelujah it's raining men!  
Amen!_"

Kiara and Mai sang exultantly, and danced harder. Serenity joined in, giggling, her cheeks turning pink. Ishizu merely raised an eyebrow. Yami landed, stuck upside down, quivering slightly.

_Humidity's rising  
Barometer's getting low  
According to all sources  
The street's the place to go_

Yugi landed in a heap on a pile of chains left over from the dungeon scene. He bounced back into the air, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Plastic," Kiara informed him, letting go of Serenity and singing into a mike she plucked from the air,

"_'Cos tonight for the first time  
At just about half past ten  
For the first time in history  
It's gonna start raining men…_"

There was a crash as Duke hit the plastic chairs, sending them cascading to the floor in a heap. There was a long pause, and then a very quiet, "Ow."

"_It's raining men  
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen  
I'm gonna go out  
I'm gonna let myself get  
Absolutely soaking **wet**!_"

The delightful Joey, Kaiba and Bakura falling from the ceiling punctuated Kiara's exultant dance. She cheered when she saw them, waving her hands wildly above her head. There was an '_oh_' of comprehension from Mai, and the blonde grinned, waving sweetly as Kaiba was blown past her.

"_It's raining men  
Hallelujah it's raining men  
Every specimen:  
Tall blond dark and mean  
Rough and tough and strong and lean!_"

At this point, as Marik and Ryou slowly began to tumble from the ceiling, Ishizu joined in the all-female choir.

"_God bless Mother Nature  
She's a single woman too  
She took on a heaven  
And she did what she had to do  
She taught every angel  
To rearrange the sky  
So that each and every woman  
Could find her perfect guy…_"

Joey landed in a heap by Mai's foot. Catching on to the song, he grinned and got to his feet. "Here I am," he said, bowing deeply. Kiara snickered. Marik bounced off the wall and spiralled across the ceiling to hit the curtains of the stage and sink to the floor, ripping them from their rail to settle in a heap on top of him.

"_It's raining men  
Go get yourself wet girl  
I know you want to._"

Kiara spoke those lines to the still not-entirely-in-the-mood Ishizu. She winked, sniggered and danced away. Ishizu raised an eyebrow, and then leapt to the side, narrowly missing having Ryou land on her head.

"Um… whoops?" His face more pale than usual, Ryou looked up at Ishizu apologetically. "Sorry about that."

"_I feel stormy weather moving in  
About to begin  
Hear the thunder  
Don't you lose your head  
Rip off the roof and stay in bed!_"

Kiara flopped into her chair, still dancing with her feet and grinning from metaphorical ear to ear.

"_It's raining men  
Hallelujah  
It's raining men,  
Amen  
It's raining men  
Hallelujah  
It's raining men,  
Amen_!"

There was a loud crash as Kaiba smashed into the back of Kiara's chair, sending it flying around the room, making skid marks on the floor.

Kiara yelled, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Kaiba yelled, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

_It's raining men Hallelujah  
It's raining men, Amen  
It's raining men Hallelujah  
It's raining me-e-e-e-e-e-en…_

Kiara's couch-chair smashed satisfyingly into the front of the stage, ending the "rainfall" with a literal bang. Yugi finally landed, after having bounced up and down on the chains at least five more times. The room went quiet, and relative normality returned.

Kiara's chair disintegrated, and Kaiba fell to the floor with a thud. Kiara sat up, brushing her hair out of her eyes. Kaiba groaned and sat up.

"That was fun!" exclaimed Kiara brightly. "Let's do it again!"

All the males present looked terrified at that, with the exceptions of Marik and Duke, Duke still under the pile of chairs and Marik still in a heap of curtain on the stage.

Kiara giggled. "Kidding, I'm kidding – relax!"

Kaiba got up, muttering under his breath.

"You okay, Kaiba? That was some hit you gave my poor chair!"

"Your poor _chair_?" Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Of course, it figures – the _chair_ is more important."

Kiara grinned and ruffled his hair. "Of course I'm concerned about my Kaiby-wai –"

"Forget I said anything!" interrupted Kaiba, smacking her hand away and getting up. He eyes the remains of the chair. "Right, so your chair's gone… so we can't make the movie! So you'll send me… I mean, us, home, right?"

"WRONG!" yelled Kiara, smacking him on the head with a broom.

Kaiba stumbled forward and glared at her. "Why not?"

"Duh." Kiara pointed to the spot where her chair usually sat. "I've got a new one."

On the space was another traditional-looking director's chair. Having been around Kiara a while, Kaiba suspected that there might be more to the thing than met the eye. Kiara darted over to it and sat down, picking up a shiny new bullhorn.

"PLACES EVERYONE!"

She noticed Yami trying to sneak out of the door and dropped the bullhorn, pulling a piece of rope from her pocket. "Yami – get-back-here, you're-not-getting-out-that-easy!" she grunted, lassoing him and dragging in back to the set.

On the stage, the bundle of curtain stirred, and Marik rose from the depths of it, swaying slightly. As he stumbled down the stairs, the pile of chairs parted to reveal Duke, his hands wildly fussing with his mussed up hair.

"Am I going to love this scene or what?" exulted Bakura, almost knocking Marik out once again with an over-enthusiastic swing of his staff.

"Right!" Kiara called, settling into her new chair and ignoring him. "Places? Costumes? ACTION!"

The scene was of the palace entrance, over which Yami is standing in a little jutting-out box, making an announcement to the people, who are supposedly standing below. Bakura snuck up behind them and started blowing the cardboard cutouts that make up the crowd over. Kiara threw a water balloon at him and glared at the cutouts. They sprang back into position, and Kiara waved at Yami to continue.

"People of Agrabah, my daughter has finally chosen a suitor!"

As the crowd cheered, Mai peeked out of the curtain at the back of the box, watching her father. Joey appeared at the bottom of the stairs, holding his turban in his hands.

"Jasmine?" he said uncertainly.

Mai turned to face him. "Ali, where have you been?" she said, hurrying down the stairs to fetch him.

"There's something I've got to tell you."

Mai ignored him and started dragging him up the stairs. "The whole kingdom has turned out for father's announcement!" she said excitedly.

"No! But Jasmine, listen to me, please!"

Mai took the turban from him and put it on his head. "Good luck!" she whispered, and pushed him through the curtain next to Yami, where he can see the whole crowd. His hands were up by his turban, trying to straighten it, and he stumbled forward, looking only a little foolish.

Kaiba sniggered. Kiara kicked the rabbit hutch, sending it skidding across the floor and bouncing off of the walls. It slowed to a stop right in its original position. The little rabbit inside looked more _green_ than _blue_ at that point.

"...Ali Ababwa!" announced Yami, gesturing at Joey.

"Oh, boy!" muttered Joey, straightening up.

Far above (or not so far above, as the tower set is hoisted only one or two feet off the floor), Marik and Bakura watch the announcement from the window.

"Look at them, cheering that little pipsqueak," exclaimed Marik indignantly.

Bakura sneered, walking away from the window. "Let them cheer."

He lifted the lamp and rubbed it. Kiara pressed a button on her remote, and Kaiba came out of the spout.

"You know Al, I'm getting reallyyyyyy – " he turned and noticed Bakura. " – I don't think you're him."

He floated down to the floor and consulted a playbill. "Tonight, the role of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man."

"Hey!" protested Bakura.

Kiara rolled her eyes. "Bakura, just play the part already!"

Bakura pouted. "I refuse to be referred to as ugly!"

"Hypocrite," accused Yami.

Bakura shrugged. "Yeah, and?"

Yami rolled his eyes in an uncanny imitation of Kiara. "Can we finish this, _please_?"

Kiara nodded, beginning to juggle water balloons. "Do that again, Kaiba dear. Well, go from there."

Kaiba sighed, consulting the playbill again. "Tonight, the role of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man."

"I am your master now!" Bakura grabbed Kaiba by his goatee and whiplashed him to the floor, putting his foot on the CEO's face.

Joey sniggered. Kaiba swore at him. Kiara threw water balloons at them both and looked expectantly at Kaiba. Joey made a face and sidled off to change into a dry costume. Bakura shook the water off of his shoe and placed it back on Kaiba's face.

"I was afraid of that. Though anything is better than the mutt – OW!"

Kiara smiled sweetly. "The script is there for a reason."

Kaiba scowled.

"Genie, grant me my first wish. I wish to rule on high, as sultan!" Bakura raised his arms, a decidedly evil expression on his face.

Dark clouds began to circle the palace, which began to shake dangerously. The roof was whipped off of the box where Yami and Joey were by the howling wind. They both ducked, Joey exclaiming, "Whoa!"

"Bless my soul." Suddenly, Yami was lifted off of his feet, and his sultan outfit began to whirl off of him, starting with his turban. "What is this? What is going on?"

Standing in his boxer shorts, Yami looked up to see his clothes whirling around Bakura, making his outfit the white one of the sultan.

Bakura sniggered triumphantly.

Yami looked genuinely outraged. "Jafar, you vile betrayer!"

"That's Sultan Vile Betrayer to you," laughed Marik, sitting on Bakura's shoulder with a mini turban on his head.

"Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that!" exclaimed Joey, pulling off his turban. He started when he saw it was empty, and gasped, "The lamp!"

"Finders-keepers, Abooboo." Bakura smirked.

Bakura looked up, drawing everyone's attention to a gigantic Kaiba, lifting the palace into the clouds. Joey stared, and then whistled piercingly. Ed flew up, and the two of them swooped up into the sky by Kaiba's head.

"Genie! No!"

"Sorry, kid – NOT! OW! Okay! Sorry kid – I got a new master now." Kaiba set the palace down on the top of a mountain.

"Jafar, I order you to stop!" exclaimed Yami.

"There's a new order now – _my_ order! Finally, you will bow to me!" Bakura said exultantly.

Yami gritted his teeth and started to bow, but Mai remained standing defiantly. "We will never bow to you!"

Yami thankfully straightened up.

"Why am I not surprised?" muttered Marik, rolling his eyes.

"If you will not bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer!" yelled Bakura, his voice rising with every word. He looked up and called to Kaiba. "Genie, my second wish – I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!"

Kaiba slowly extended his finger. Joey tried to stop him, yanking at the finger, but it was no use. A huge lightning bolt shot out of Kaiba's fingertip, and struck Bakura, changing his sultan's clothing back to his original outfit, also restoring his snake staff.

"Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!" Marik said, landing back on Bakura's shoulder as he came back down to earth.

"Now, where were we? Ah, yes – abject humiliation!" On the last, snarled word, Bakura pointed his staff ay Mai and Yami, forcing them to their knees. Duke ran up, snarling, in his tiger suit, but Bakura saw him and zapped him into a tiny, stripy kitten. "Down, boy!"

Bakura's eyes gleamed as he spied Joey. "Oh, princess – " he said, lifting Mai's chin with his staff. " – there's someone I'm dying to introduce you to."

"Jafar! Get your hands off her!" yelled Joey. Bakura raised his staff and trapped Joey in the same glowing outline he used one Mai and Yami to make them do his bidding. Ed managed to fly away, but Bakura wasn't interested in chasing the carpet.

He moved Joey over to where Mai could see him properly, and began to sing mockingly.

"_Prince Ali_

_Yes, it is he,_

_But not as you know him._

_Read my lips _

_And come to grips_

_With reality…_"

Bakura waved his staff, forcing the two of them a little closer, both bobbing helplessly in mid-air, supported by his magic.

"_Yes, meet a blast from your past_

_Whose lies were too good to last_

_Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!_"

On the words "precious, Prince Ali", Bakura zapped Joey's prince outfit back to the street-rat garb he'd worn earlier.

"Or should we say Aladdin?" smirked Marik.

"Jasmine, I tried to tell you," began Joey apologetically, but Bakura wasn't going to let him mess up the fun.

"_So Ali turns out to be merely Aladdin_

_Just a con, need I go on?_

_Take it from me_

_His personality flaws_

_Give me adequate cause_

_To send him packing on a one-way trip_

_So his prospects take a terminal dip_

_His assets frozen, the venue chosen_

_Is the ends of the earth, whoopee!_"

Bakura zapped Yugi back to his monkey form, and sent him and Joey flying into a tall pillar. Ed swooped in mere moments before Bakura lifted his staff and, swinging it like a golf club, sent the pillar into the air, trailing smoke like a rocket.

"_So long,_" sang Bakura

"Good bye, see ya!" called Marik, laughing evilly.

"_Ex-Prince Ali_!" finished Bakura, stretching out the last note and then dissolving into insane evil laughter.

_-manic evil laughter-_

_-ahem- Hoped you liked it! Please review!_


	26. Chapter 26

_Yay! Another chapter!_

_Sorry about the LONG delay... (Have you noticed that I apologise in the beginning of almost every chapter? I think I'll just say: "I'm sorry I update slowly!" and leave it at that, huh?_

_Anyway, enjoy the chapter!_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. At all. Also, I do not own Aladdin. I DO own Kiara, though. YAY!**

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Kiara pulled a carrot out of her bag and stuck it onto her snowman. "Perfect!" she declared, grinning at her creation.

Bakura stared at it, rubbing his bare arms irritably. "What is that supposed to be?"

Kiara shot him a weird look. "Duh. A snowman."

"A…" Bakura looked at the jolly creation, which looked suspiciously out of place amidst the harsh set of the next scene, which Weevil was still putting the finishing touches to and raised an eyebrow.

"Snowman." Kiara patted him condescendingly on the cheek. "It's okay, dear, I know you were born in a desert."

Bakura growled and stomped off to sulk.

Kiara looked critically at snowman. Then she ran off, rubbing her hands excitedly. A few moments later, there was a crash, and a section of wall was run over by a giant steamroller. Kiara sat in the cab, cackling excitedly. She pointed the machine at the snowman, and opened the throttle. After crushing a mound of fake snow Weevil had spent an hour getting perfect, the machine headed for the snowman. Kiara whooped wildly as the snow figure got flattened, bits of fake snow flying up from the back end of the machine, burying Kaiba's hutch.

Kiara climbed awkwardly down and, once her feet were firmly on the ground, patted the machine fondly. "Man, I never knew how much fun steamroller-destruction could be!"

There was a muffled sound from the hutch. Kiara snickered, climbing back up into the cab. "Just a minute, Kaiby-waiby," she said sweetly, and then revved the engine loudly. "I need to put this away first." (1)

She skilfully manoeuvred the clunky machine against the wall, and then broke through it.

"Could you not have just gone through the old hole?" Tea asked.

Kiara looked at her, startled. Then she drove back into the room, and reversed out again through the original hole. Stopping the car, she nodded at Tea. "I wasn't sure, so I had to just check," she explained, starting the engine again.

Tea rolled her eyes and turned back to the game of poker Joey and Tristan had started. She was losing badly, but she clearly didn't realise this, as she was still smiling confidently.

Kiara drove off, the engine of the steamroller now making an odd 'putt-putt-putt' noise.

"HA! I win AGAIN!" yelled Joey triumphantly, displaying his cards and snatching up Tea, Tristan and Duke's matchsticks. They were using the matchsticks instead of chips because they had none, and instead of money because nobody was willing to play with it except Duke, and even then he didn't want to lose _too_ much. Especially not to Joey, who was turning out to be either very skilled or extremely lucky.

"Aw, man," complained Tristan, flicking a matchstick at Kaiba's hutch. "I'm bored of this game."

"You just don't like losing to the Ultimate Poker Champion!" said Duke, rolling up his sleeves and collecting everyone's cards.

Tristan raised his eyebrows. "Uh, not if that's _you_. You haven't won **once **in all the time we've been playing."

Duke made a face. "Rub it in, why don't you?"

Tristan shrugged. "Well, if you really want me to, I'd be happy to – "

"Shut up."

Kiara came back, steamroller-less. She walked over to Kaiba's hutch, examining it from every angle. "Hmm…"

Then she whipped a big stick out of her pocket and stuck it under the cage. Using it for leverage, she swiftly made the hutch turn over, sending the fake snow flying into the poker boys. There came a wail from Duke.

"MY HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!"

Kiara ignored him, opening the hutch and pulling Kaiba from the wreckage. He said something foul and not worth repeating, and then jumped out of her grip.

"Right," Kiara said firmly, putting her stick back. "It's time for the next scene already. Joey! Yugi! GETONTHESET, right _NOW_!"

Joey got up obediently, brushing fake snow from his clothes. Kiara helped the once-again-tiny Yugi down from a pile of chairs, and then retreated to her chair.

"Places, everyone! We shoot in five, four, three…" She mouthed the "two" and the "one", and then gave the two a thumbs up.

While she was counting, Joey and Yugi helped Weevil to position the tower that Bakura had pulled off the palace and fired off to the ends of the earth. By the time Kiara's thumb came up, it was ready.

The pillar fell, crashed into the snowy wasteland, and rolled down the slope of snow. Finally, it came to a crunching halt. Joey emerged from a window, shivering and rubbing his bare arms.

"Abu?" he called, and then louder. "Abu!"

He began to stumble around wildly, looking for his friend. Eventually he happened upon a pile of snow that seemed to be… shivering.

"Oh, this is all my fault – I should have freed the genie when I had the chance."

He dug out a very blue Yugi, and cradled him inside his vest, trying to warm him up.

"Abu! Are you okay? I'm sorry, Abu – I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right."

Joey got to his feet as he spoke, his face taking on a determined expression. He started to walk through the thick layer of fake snow.

Kiara threw a shoe at Weevil. He let out a yelp, and then quickly switched on the wind machine, muttering sourly and rubbing his injured arm.

Joey got up, having been knocked over by the first, over-enthusiastic, gust of wind, and continued his walk, now not only fighting snow, but also a fierce wind. Suddenly, he felt something under his foot, and lifted it, kneeling to clear aside some snow. It was a thoroughly frozen Ed.

"Carpet!" he said, hope coming into his eyes. He tried to lift him, but Ed was stuck fast, trapped beneath the tower. Joey pulled with all his strength, but poor Ed couldn't budge.

An idea sparked in Joey's eye, and he began to dig at the snow around the tower and Ed. "Abu, start digging!" When Yugi dutifully obeyed, much less blue by now, he grinned encouragingly. "That's it!"

Finally, enough snow had been removed, and the tower began to roll again. Joey scooped up Yugi and began to run away. Stopping abruptly, he looked back, a calculating expression on his face, and then slid into place.

The tower rolled over him.

Mai and Serenity both looked aghast. Kiara waved a water gun at them, her face threatening, and they managed to swallow their screams.

The pillar had completed one turn by this time, and as it started the next ponderous turn, Kiara focused the camera on Joey and Yugi, who were left sitting in the patch of snow made by the window of the tower.

Cautiously, Joey looked up. He let out a breath in a relieved whoop. "Yeah! All right!"

He unwrapped the furry turban that was Yugi from his head and looked over at Ed. The carpet shot into the air, shaking off the snow like a dog would shake off water, and rushed over to pick them up.

"Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!" urged Joey, and Ed complied eagerly. The trio zipped up the mountain, and off into the distance.

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(1)Who says Kiara is a bad role model?

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_Well, what didja think? I love feedback. Um, wink wink._

_Thanks for readin', folks!_


	27. Chapter 27

_Heyloo everyone! Welcome to yet another chapter of madness in the saga that is Aladdin, YGO Style!_

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**Disclaimer: Don't own NUTHIN'! Don't you give me that look!**

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**"It's very windy in here, all of a sudden," commented Yami, looking up from his game of chess. Yugi did not look up – it was his move and he was losing badly, for some reason. It may have been Duke hanging over his shoulder giving him advice that he was too nice not to resist following, and then again, it may not have been. One never can be sure. 

Ryou, on the other hand _had_ looked up, and was now staring at Yami's head, mouth hanging slightly open. Bakura followed his gaze and began to snigger loudly. Kiara did not look up from her book ('The Idiot's Guide to Taking Over The World'), but a smug smile had crept onto her face.

Yami began to look nervous. "Er… why is everyone looking at me like that?"

Tea skipped in, humming an off-key tune. "Looking at you like – Oh. Dear. WHAT happened to your HAIR?"

Yami paled. "My hair?" he squeaked.

Yugi looked up, his mouth dropping open. The colour draining from his face, he stared blankly at Yami, unable to believe his eyes.

Yami's hair was now in a crew cut, and coloured a lovely shade of purple.

Kiara stoically held out a mirror, putting him out of his stuttering misery.

Ryou dutifully passed it on. In the stunned silence that followed, Kiara began to snigger quietly. Yami's mouth worked silently, trying to put into words what he was feeling. Kiara's sniggering got noticeably louder.

"What did you DO to me?" yelled Yami, throwing the mirror at Bakura, who ducked.

"Absolutely nothing," the tomb-robber grumbled, for once telling the truth.

"Sure. Since when do you have 'absolutely nothing' to do with anything?"

Bakura scowled, but before he could shoot back a nasty comment Kiara intervened.

"It wasn't him, Yami dear. It was me. I thought you could do with a change – you know what they say!"

Yami looked at her blankly for a long moment. "No," he said eventually, trying to keep his voice even. "I don't know what they say."

Kiara gave him an odd look. "A change is as good as a holiday."

"Right." Yami's voice was hollow, and he returned to staring at his newly mutilated appearance.

Duke clamped his hands protectively around his head. "If you do that to me, I swear, I will hunt you down and kill you."

Kiara looked insulted. "You don't like my hairdressing skills?"

Duke didn't answer, shooting Yami's hairdo a furtive look and tightening his hold on his own beloved tresses.

"Can we move on? Not that it's not amusing to see how tall Yami _really_ is – wait, did I say **tall**? I meant… midgety." Kaiba smirked, a difficult task when you have the face of a fat guinea pig.

Kiara nodded, slamming her book closed. It disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, making her cough uncontrollably for all of fifteen seconds. Once restored to her former composure, she smiled. "Kaiba's right… we have to get on with this!"

Clapping her hands sharply, she yelled, "WEEEEEEEEEEVIL!"

Weevil's head poked out of a small cardboard box by her feet. "What?"

"Oh, I forgot I put you in there…" Kiara grinned. "Anyway, hurry up and get the set for the next scene up. In the palace – the throne room."

"Yes, ma'am," muttered Weevil sourly, climbing out of the box and limping away to do whatever was he did to prepare scenes.

Ignoring him, Kiara tapped her armrest three times, and a hole opened up in the middle of the room. Tea, who was standing almost on top of the area where the hole was opening, jumped backwards and fell over. A big box levitated up through the hole, and hovered in mid air.

"Those are your new costumes – Yami, Mai. Everyone else, get out the props – Weevil ain't the fastest of blokes, and I'd like to get moving already."

**Five minutes later**

"Ready, set, ACTION!" yelled Kiara, perched on the edge of her director's chair wearing a delighted smile.

In the throne room, Yami was standing, looking very miffed for some reason, in a jester's outfit, with his arms and legs attached to strings to make him look like a life-size (or slightly smaller) marionette. Mai, wearing a red version of her former blue costume, stands chained to the throne, wearing a disgruntled expression. Bakura is sitting on the throne, trying desperately not to explode into laughter at Yami's stupid outfit. Marik is hovering in the air by Yami's face, clinging to the safety rope holding him up for dear life.

"Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here's your cracker." Grinning maliciously, Marik stuffed a cracker into Yami's mouth – one of the same dry, stale-tasting crackers that Yami had given him earlier. _Sweet revenge._ "Shove 'em all right down your throat. Here, have lots!" Laughing manically, Marik shoved the rest of the crackers into the unfortunate Pharaoh's mouth.

Behind them, Bakura languidly tugged on Mai's chain, making her walk up to him, holding an apple.

"Leave him alone!" Mai yelled at Marik, who stopped for about a millisecond to give her a 'yeah, right' look before continuing as though nothing had happened.

"It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine," said Bakura, taking a bite out of the apple. Spraying little bits of apple in Mai's face, he continued. "A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world."

He waved a lazy finger and a crown appeared in the air in front of Mai's face. "What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my queen..."

Mai's face contorted with fury. She reached back, picked up a glass of wine and threw it in Bakura's face. "Never!"

"I'll teach you some respect!" snarled Bakura, rising to his feet and raising his staff, the movement forcing Mai to take a step back. She stumbled and fell, looking up at the angry Bakura with fearful eyes.

Without warning, Bakura stopped mid-strike. His face took on a thoughtful look. "No," he said softly, an undercurrent of evil in his voice. Turning to Kaiba, who was once again in Genie mode and was resting on his elbows with his chin cupped in his hands, Bakura smiled an ugly smile. "Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall _desperately_ in love with me."

Mai gasped.

Meanwhile, Joey, Yugi and Ed had finally made it back to Agrabah, and were heading straight for the red-cloud-covered palace.

Kaiba straightened, and Kiara pressed the remote. Once again as Buckley, Kaiba said unenthusiastically, "Ah, master – there are a few addendas, some quid pro quo – "

"Don't talk back to me, you stupid blue lout! You will do what I order you to do, slave!" Bakura grabbed Kaiba's stick-on goatee, proving that superglue really IS all it's cracked up to be, and yanked the blue CEO's face right in front of his own. You could see Kaiba seething at the 'slave' comment, but he had had quite enough electric shocks to realise that he probably shouldn't say anything. A muscle started to work furiously in his jaw.

Mai looked up and saw Joey in the window, motioning her to play along and distract Bakura so that he won't notice him. She nodded slightly and got gracefully to her feet, placing the crown on her head. "Jafar!" she called in her best seductive voice, walking forward. "I never realized how incredibly handsome you are."

Kaiba's jaw dropped in authentic surprise.

"That's better," Bakura said to Kaiba, letting go of his goatee so that it rolled up like a blind. "Now, pussycat, tell me more about... _myself_."

Mai thought quickly. "You're tall, well dressed..."

Bakura began to walk behind her. Behind him, Joey skidded quietly down a pile of treasure and landed on the floor with Yugi sitting on his shoulder. Kaiba noticed them and feigned excitement.

"Al! Al, little buddy!"

"Shh!" hissed Joey, glancing at Bakura to see whether he had heard. Fortunately, the tomb-robber's attention was entirely focussed on Mai.

Kaiba zipped his mouth up (literally!), tried to say something, and then unzipped it. "Al, I can't help you – I work for senor psychopath, now." As Kaiba said 'senor psychopath', his head and hands turned into Bakura's and he wiggled his fingers for emphasis.

"Hey – I'm a street rat, remember?" said Joey, smiling and reaching forward to re-zip Kaiba's mouth. "I'll improvise."

He ran silently away from the niche the two had been talking in, and climbed up and slid down the other side of a pile of coins to get closer to Bakura and Mai. Hiding behind another pile, he watched and waited for the right moment.

"Go on," said Bakura, not realising Joey was behind him.

"And your beard... is so..." Mai put her arms around Bakura's neck and lifted a finger. "…twisted!" She twisted her finger as she said it, pretending it is for emphasis, but she is really motioning to Joey that it is safe to come forward.

He began to creep forward, but Marik spotted him.

"Jaf – mmmmmm!" he tried to call out, but Yugi had crept up behind him and clamped his hands around his mouth before he could complete his word. Marik freed himself, and the two launch into a silent scuffle on the cushion on the arm of the throne.

"And the street rat?" asked Bakura softly.

Mai smiled sweetly. "_What_ street rat?"

The two moved closer, as though about to kiss, when suddenly there was a loud crash. Marik had managed to kick over a bowl of fruit. Bakura, ever suspicious, turned to look, but Mai quickly grabbed him back and pressed her lips to his.

Joey, Yugi and Marik all gave them a disgusted look.

"Yuck!" commented Yugi, making a face. Marik nodded.

Bakura surfaced from the kiss. "That was – " He looked at Mai, and spotted Joey's reflection in her crown. He spun around, snarling. "You! How many times do I have to kill you, boy?"

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_Bwahahahahahahaaaaaa!_

_Hope y'all enjoyed that... don't forget to review on your way out..._

_sk_


	28. Chapter 28

_Hey sportsfans! 'tis moi, back from the dead!_

_Or, not quite dead. I just had exams, personal stuff and a trip to the US of A. :) So, no harm done! Huzzah!_

_Here it is, laydeez and gennelmenn... chapter 28!_

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**Disclaimer: WOW, you really HAVEN'T been paying attention! ...look, I've said this at LEAST twenty times before. At least. I. Do. Not. Own. YGO. Or. Aladdin. Got it? Good.**

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Kiara pounced, giggling hysterically. She rolled over, getting tangled hopelessly in the huge ball of purple wool that was currently unwound all over the set. Resting her chin in her cupped hands, she cocked her head to one side and smiled. The object of her attention groaned and put his head in his paws.

On the other side of the room, Tea yelled through her purple gag, "Gwi humnum _glesh_ welp ee?" – only to be universally ignored. You don't tie someone up with knitting wool, stuff a wad of said wool in their mouth, and throw them into the corner only to set them free the thirty-seventh time they asked for help. It just isn't_ done_.

Kiara picked up the cute, fluffy, long-suffering blue kitten known as Seto Kaiba and got to her feet, giving it a noogie. Kaiba yelled, trying to scratch Kiara and failing, because, although she may be insane, she's not _stupid_. She made him a kitten sans claws.

She tucked him under one arm and skipped over to her director's chair. As she sat down, she dumped him into a cat basket and firmly closed the lid, getting a yowl of frustration and anger for her trouble. "Right everyone," she said brightly, ignoring the muttered curses now coming from the cat basket. "Let's carry on with the scene shall we? The wool was fun, but we have a movie to make here!" She clapped her hands loudly, making all the wool disappear, including the bits tying up Tea, unfortunately enough.

"Yeesh! Finally!" Tea gasped, getting to her feet and rubbing her sore mouth.

Everyone ignored her and went to prepare for the scene.

Kiara poked Yugi. "Dear, could you come and help me get a few things?"

Yugi, poor, innocent, unsuspecting Yugi, smiled and said, "Sure, Kiara."

Kiara grinned. "Jolly good show," she said, affecting a posh English accent. She took Yugi's hand and led him through a narrow yellow-polka-dotted door, the boy growing back to his normal height as they went.

Yami watched the door close with a nervous expression on his face. He looked sideways at Joey, who wasn't paying attention, and then looked sideways to the other side, where Bakura was standing. He pouted. "Are you people in a conspiracy or something? I'm just trying to make this stupid story a little more interesting to read, and _nobody is helping_!"

Everyone stared at him. Bakura sniggered. Yami rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Right, let's try that again, shall we?"

He looked sideways at Joey, who was now giving him a very odd look, and muttered, "She'd better not do anything to him…"

Joey opened his mouth, but then two brain cells collided and he realised that it would be best to just keep _shtum_, so he closed it again and pretended to be highly distracted by a loose thread on his shirt's seam.

Marik rolled his eyes. "I get the feeling that the story's tone would have remained the same whether or not you had performed your little literary feat." He winked at Bakura, who shrugged modestly and then winked back.

Yami swore at both of them in a manner highly unbecoming to a Pharaoh, and stormed off to sit on a plastic chair with his back to everyone and sulk.

Bakura and Marik would have high-fived, but they weren't that kind of people; they were more the 'evil, scheming I-will-kill-you-while-you-sleep' type. Thus, they just shot each other twisted grins and snickered quietly.

Kiara burst back into the room. "Right!" she yelled. "Is everybody ready?"

Yami came out of his sulk to peer behind her. His eyes widened, and then he went pale. "Oh, no," he gasped hoarsely. "Not that."

Yugi walked awkwardly through the door after Kiara. Everyone stared at him. The spikes of his hair were covered in… stuff. Pieces of paper, chocolate bars, even a jersey – and all of it stuck firmly to his head. He looked like a strange Christmas tree.

Smiling, no, _grinning_, Kiara gestured at her chair. "Just go over there, Yugi, and I'll sort you out in a sec."

Yami gaped at Kiara blankly for a second, and then his eyes narrowed. He jumped off of his chair and stalked over to her. He looked her in the eye, wishing that he were a bit _taller_ for crying out loud, and said in a dangerous hiss, "How _dare_ you do that to him!"

Kiara smiled, a halo bobbing into existence over her head. "Like this," she whispered back, pointing to Yugi, who was trying and failing to look inconspicuous.

Yami let out a cry of strangled rage and lunged, but he didn't get too far before he found himself lifted off the ground to bob weightlessly by the ceiling. Kiara shook a finger at him, as though reprimanding a naughty child.

"Bad pharaoh!" she scolded. "Naughty, naughty pharaoh! Mustn't try to hurt Kiara! It's the Naughty Corner for you, mister!"

Yami's eye twitched. "Don't you talk down to me! I'm six thousand years old, for crying out loud! I _think_ I deserve a _little_ respect for seniority, eh?"

Kiara thought about it. "Um… no, not really. No."

Yami sagged. "Oh. Well. Then."

Kiara turned back to the rest of the cast. "Let's do this thing!" she yelled at them, affecting an American twang. They nodded and took up their positions, Yami floating gently down to come to a rest just to the left of where he was supposed to be. Kiara smiled at him, and, grumbling under his breath, he moved.

After removing all of the stuff from Yugi's hair and shrinking him back down to size, she seated herself on her director's chair and yelled, "ACTION! From the top, 'kura!"

Bakura obligingly took up his previous pose. "You!! How many times do I have to kill you, boy?"

He raised his staff and zapped Joey, sending him flying off to the left. Mai ran at him, but Bakura stopped her with the staff and sent her flying to the floor. Joey ran back to Bakura, grabbing the staff and trying to wrest it from his control.

"Get the lamp!" Joey yelled. Mai scrambled to her feet and hurried over to it, but Bakura was too fast for her. Shaking Joey off of his staff he pointed it in direction, trapping her in a giant hourglass.

"Ah, ah, ah, princess…" he scolded, smiling and gesturing at the top of the hourglass. "Your time is up!"

Sand began to fall from the top onto Mai's head. She lifted a hand to stop it going into her head, and looked up, horrified.

"Jasmine!" Joey raced to the hourglass, pressing his hands against the glass.

"Oh, nice shot, Jaf – " began Marik, but Yugi knocked him out with a glass pear, looking quite stunned at what he had done. Seeing that Marik was still breathing, he rushed to the lamp, only to have Bakura whirl around and zap him into a toy monkey.

"Don't toy with me!" the white-haired villain called, sniggering and twirling the staff like a baton.

Joey had turned away from Mai just in time to see Yugi's transformation, and he gasped, "Abu!"

Ed swooped down, and was about to snatch up the lamp for Joey when Bakura casually pointed his staff at him and looked over at Joey, smirking and saying, "Things are unravelling fast, now boy."

Ed unravelled, and was soon just a pile of multicoloured thread and four tassels lying on the floor.

Joey lunged for the lamp, but Bakura and his quips weren't done yet.

"Get the point?" Joey's path was blocked by large swords rising out of the floor in a circle around him. Kiara blew on her remote, like it was a gun from a Western, and grinned. Bakura grabbed the lamp and laughed manically. Joey pulled a sword out of the floor and prepared to fight.

"I'm just getting warmed up!" Bakura punned, and then he breathed a ring of fire around Joey, taking the place of the sword-circle.

Joey swallowed his immediate fear-reaction and glared defiantly at Bakura. "Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you cowardly snake?"

"A snake, am I?" Bakura smiled sinisterly. As he continued, a snake's tongue flickered out of his mouth, and he began to hiss his S's. "Perhaps you'd like to see how snake-like I can be!"

Kiara had been standing with her hands just above the holsters on her belt, where two remotes were sitting. As Bakura said his line, her fingers twitched theatrically, and just as he finished she pulled both remotes out, spun them around in her hands and pointed them at him, pressing a series of buttons.

Bakura began to grow taller, and more and more snakelike, until he has turned into a giant cobra, and the ring of fire around Joey became the middle part him, already conveniently encircling his antagonist. Joey gulped, and then swung his sword, trying to strike Bakura, who began to close in on him. On the third try, Joey managed to hit Bakura.

On the sidelines, Kaiba suddenly morphed into a cheerleader wearing a jersey with a big 'A' on the front. He looked down, scowled, and then launched into his routine.

"Rick-'em, rack 'em, rock 'em, rake – stick that sword into that snake!"

Snake-Bakura rounded on him, spitting, "You stay out of thissss!"

Kaiba held up a small flag with a tiny 'J' on it, and cheered in a monotone, "Jafar, Jafar, he's our man – if he can't do it…" He grinned and yelled, "GREAT!"

Joey used the distraction to make a break for Mai's hourglass, to try and break the glass, as the sand was falling quickly and she was almost covered. Bakura turned back just in time to spot him, however, and hit him out of the way with his tail, sending him tumbling head-over-heels into a pile of gold and making him drop his sword.

"Aladdin!" called Mai desperately, banging hopelessly on the thick glass.

Joey jumped onto a large gem and slid across the floor, grabbing the sword on the way. Bakura slithered after him, but he skidded around a corner too fast for Bakura to follow, and the giant snake's momentum propels him through one of the walls of the palace. Joey fell off of the gem, and then scrambled up onto snake-Bakura's back, stabbing it. Bakura howled angrily, twisting back to check out the damage and dislodging Joey.

The blonde ran once again to Mai, calling, "Hang on, Jasmine!"

He was just about to hit the glass, when Bakura grabbed him from behind, laughing evilly. "You little fool! You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on earth!"

"Squeeze him, Jafar!" Marik cheered, unaware that Kaiba was creeping up behind him. "Squeeze him like a – awk!" Kaiba innocently elbowed him out of the way.

"Without the genie, boy, you're nothing!" gloated Bakura, holding Joey in his coils.

Joey suddenly had an idea. ("A rare occurrence," Kaiba was heard to mutter.) "The genie… The genie!" He grinned and then looked up at Bakura, overflowing bravado. "The genie has more power than you'll ever have!"

"What!!" shrieked Bakura.

Joey wriggled, continuing, "He gave you your power! He can take it away!"

"Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?" groaned Kaiba.

"Face it, Jafar – you're still just second best!" finished Joey triumphantly.

"You're right! His power does exceed my own!" Bakura mused, and then smiled as much as a snake can smile. "But not for long!" He slithered over to Kaiba, circling him.

"The boy is crazy. He's a little punch drunk," said Kaiba, trying to back away inconspicuously. His hand turns into a snake puppet, and he mock-punches himself with it. "One too many hits with the snake."

"Slave, I make my third wish!" yelled Bakura, ignoring him. "I wish to be an all-powerful genie!"

Kaiba sighed and reluctantly pointed at the power-crazed snake. "All right, your wish is my command." He looked up and muttered, "Way to go, mutt – I MEAN, Al."

Kaiba zapped Bakura with a lightning bolt, and Bakura's snake form dissolved around him to reveal him as an immense red genie.

The last bit of Mai's raised hand disappeared under the sand as Joey ran over to the hourglass, picked up a piece of wood, and smashed the glass. Mai tumbled out, along with a whole lot of sand.

"Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!" yelled Bakura-the-genie exultantly, juggling atoms and basically showing off.

Mai looked fearfully at Joey. "What have you done?"

"Trust me!"

A small lamp appeared at Bakura's base; exactly the same as Kaiba's but for the fact that it is black. Bakura, however, is too busy conjuring to notice.

"The universe is mine to command, to control!"

"Not so fast, Jafar!" yelled Joey, striding forward. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Bakura looked down at him, a question in his wild, glinting eyes.

"You wanted to be a genie, you got it! And everything that goes with it!" continued Joey, holding up the lamp.

Shackles appeared on Bakura's wrists, and he stares at them, yelling, "No! No!" Slowly, the lamp's power pulls him towards it.

"I'm gettin' out of here!" yelled Marik, beginning to fly away. "Come on, you're the genie, I don't want – " Bakura grabbed his tail-feathers, dragging him into the lamp and cutting him off.

As the last of Bakura disappeared into it, Joey grinned down at the lamp in his hands. "Phenomenal cosmic powers! …itty-bitty living space."

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_Annnnd... there you have it, folks!_

_Don't forget to join us for the next thrilling chapter of... Aladdin, YGO Style!_

_Good night, and good luck._

_...sorry. Couldn't resist. -points meaningfully at 'review' button- _

_Cheerio!_


	29. Chapter 29

_Here it is... the long-awaited finale!_

_Hope y'all enjoy!_

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**Disclaimer: Sorry, guys... You'll just have to find someone else to sue. I'm disclaiming here, lovely and bold, I owneth not YGO or Aladdin. Or even Grease, although I own my "adulterated" lyrics. I also don't own the Academy Awards, the Golden Globes or any of those. I just stole their idea. So WAH!**

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"I've got chilli, my throat it's frying," Kiara sang under her breath as she edited a sheaf of papers. "And I'm kneading the dough… 'cos the frying pan's for frying – it's electrifying!" She threw the papers over her shoulder, where they disappeared an inch from the floor and looked up, smiling sweetly at the frozen figures of the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast. 

"Now I suppose we can get on with this, ne?" she said, half to herself, and then clapped her hands, once, sharply. The sound echoed through the hall, and slowly the gang unfroze.

Joey, in the exact pose that he had been when Kiara had decided to take a break without disturbing the flow of the performance of this important scene, grinned down at the lamp in his hands. "Phenomenal cosmic powers! …itty-bitty living space."

Kaiba _actually_ smiled. "Al, you little genius, you!"

Yugi changed back from the toy monkey Bakura had made him to his 'usual' monkey self, and the pile of thread and four tassels weaved themselves back into Ed. Kitten-Duke jumped into Yami's arms and promptly turned back into the full-sized, tiger-suit-clad version, making Yami crumple under the unexpected weight. Around them, thanks to a bit of skilful button pressing on the part of Kiara, the palace repaired itself, the view outside returning to the original view of the city.

From inside the lamp, Bakura snapped, "Get your blasted beak out of my face!"

"Oh, shut up, you moron!" Marik shouted back.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" Bakura bellowed angrily.

Kaiba smirked. "Allow me." He liberated the lamp from Joey's grasp and walked over to the balcony. A baseball cap appeared on his head, and a mitt covered the hand that held the lamp. "Ten- thousand years in a cave of wonders ought to chill him out!"

He wound up as though he were going to pitch the lamp, but at the crux of the movement simply opened his hand and flicked the lamp so that it shot out and arched over the city to end up somewhere in the desert, Bakura and Marik's arguing trailing after it.

Mai walked over to Joey, taking his hands in hers. The two locked eyes, identical looks of sadness on their faces.

"Jasmine, I'm sorry I lied to you about being a prince," apologised Joey, resisting the urge to blink with all he possessed.

Mai smiled understandingly. "I know why you did."

"Well, I guess... this..." Joey steeled himself and finished softly, "is goodbye?"

Kaiba's giant head peered into the room, wearing a look of fake shock at what he was hearing.

Mai shook her head. "Oh, that stupid law. This isn't fair!" Her eyes softened and she smiled shyly at Joey. "I love you."

Kaiba surreptitiously wiped away a tear and cleared his throat. "Al, no problem. You've still got one wish left. Just say the word and you're a prince again."

Joey looked touched, but then he frowned. "But Genie, what about your freedom?"

"Hey," said Kaiba, shrugging. "It's only an… eternity of servitude. This is _love_." He leaned down next to Mai and gestured to her with his head as he said, "Al, you're not gonna find another girl like her in a million years…" He attempted a half-smile. "Believe me, I know. I've looked."

Joey took Mai's hands in his again. "Jasmine, I do love you…" He looked sideways at Kaiba and back to her. "…but I've got to stop pretending to be something I'm not."

Mai nodded. "I understand."

They took one final look into each other's eyes, and then Joey stepped forward to face Kaiba. "Genie, I wish for your freedom."

"One bona fide prince pedigree coming up!" began Kaiba, rolling up nonexistent sleeves, before his brain caught up with his ears. "I – …what?"

Joey smiled and hoisted the lamp up in Kaiba's direction. "Genie, you're free!"

Kaiba rose into the air, the golden shackles around his wrists falling open and dissolving into thin air. The lamp rose out of Joey's hands, becoming surrounded with a golden light identical to the light surrounding Kaiba. The light around the lamp suddenly faded, and the lamp fell to the floor with a tinkle.

Kaiba reached down and gently picked up the lamp and looked at it as though he'd never seen it before. Disbelief etched on his face, he chuckled. "Heh, heh! I'm free. I'm free."

Impulsively he handed Joey the lamp and said, "Quick, quick, wish for something outrageous! Say, "I want the Nile." Wish for the Nile. Try that!"

Joey grinned and humoured the excited Kaiba. "I wish for the Nile."

"No way!!" yelled Kaiba, and then laughed hysterically. He began to bounce around the balcony, banging from pillar to pillar like a pinball, making them light up as he hit them.

"Oh does that feel good! I'm free!" He swooped back down, pulled a suitcase out of nowhere and began to pull things from midair and throw them into it. "I'm free at last! I'm hittin' the road. I'm off to see the world! I – "

He cut himself off, looking down at Joey, who was trying to hide the fact that he was sad to lose the company of Kaiba-the-Genie. He slowly descended until he was face to face with him.

"Genie, I'm – I'm gonna miss you," admitted Joey, thickly.

"Me too, Al." Kaiba smiled, making it a record four in about five minutes. "No matter what anybody says, you'll always be a prince to me."

They hugged, and Kiara quickly took a couple of snapshots of it before they pulled apart.

"That's right." Yami waddled up. "You've certainly proven your worth as far as I'm concerned. It's that _law_ that's the problem."

Mai turned to him with something like wonder and a little hope shining in her eyes. "Father?"

Yami stood at his full height, which wasn't all that impressive, but he did it anyway. "Well, am I sultan or am I sultan?" He smiled and proclaimed, "From this day forth, the princess shall marry… whomever she deems worthy."

Mai gasped, and then grinned and ran into Joey's arms. "Him! I choose... I choose you, Aladdin."

"Ha, ha. Call me Al," quipped Joey, their faces barely an inch away. They moved in to kiss when a pair of giant blue hands pulled everybody together.

The hands belonged to Kaiba, who was decked out in a Hawaiian shirt with golf clubs in a bag over his shoulder and a Goofy hat. He glared at Kiara, who grinned back, and launched into his line. "Oh, all of ya. Come over here. Big group hug!" With another sour look at Kiara, he added, "Mind if I kiss the monkey?"

Kiara stuffed her fist into her mouth as Kaiba gave Yugi the _barest_ of pecks on the head before yanking his head away and looking revolted, which happened to be the perfect expression for his next line.

"Ooh, hairball!" He sighed and shrugged. "Well, I can't do any more damage around this popsicle stand. I'm outta here! Bye, bye, you two crazy lovebirds! Hey, Rugman! Ciao! I'm history! No, I'm mythology! No, I don't care what I am – I'm free-e-e-e-e!"

He shot into the sky and spiralled upwards, waving to Joey and Mai, who waved back, and then to Ed, who returned the gesture enthusiastically with a tassel. Leaving a trail of sparkles against the blue sky, he disappears into the horizon.

"CUT!" Kiara yelled, before pressing her remote. A blue rabbit appeared in the hutch with a look on its face that said 'Grr… foiled!'

She jumped up and walked over to the wall, pressing a series of buttons on a small panel. The scenery hoisted itself out of view, to be replaced with a nightscape and – quite suddenly – fireworks began to shoot into the air.

Kiara placed Bakura and Marik's lamp into a soundproofed box and sat back down on her chair. "Right!" she called, her voice magnifying to be heard over the spectacular display going on above their heads. "Mai, Joey and Ed – you, set, now!"

Joey and Mai, now changed into their 'Wedding' outfits, settled onto Ed. Their fingers twined together without conscious thought on their parts, Kiara noted with a small smirk. Ed rose into the air and Kiara pulled a box of popcorn from under her chair, calling, "Action!"

"A whole new world," sang Joey, looking adoringly at Mai.

Returning the look, Mai sang, "A whole new life."

The two opened sang together, joined by an offstage Tea, Ryou, Duke, and Serenity, who harmonised fairly well, surprisingly enough, "For you and me…!"

They flew off into the moonlight, and Kiara let out an appreciative, happy sigh. After they had disappeared from view, the moon turned and revealed Kaiba's laughing face. The rabbit in the hutch winced.

Suddenly a giant hand grabbed the background and yanked it up, "off the projector", revealing a giant Kaiba, who looked straight into the camera, and grinned, an expression so quick that if you'd blinked, you'd have missed it. "Made ya look!"

The background dropped again, with the moon back to normal.

Kiara let out a slow breath, and said, with as much seriousness and ceremony as she could muster, "Cut! That's a wrap."

Weevil wheeled down a black cloth with the words 'The End' painted on it in Arabic-style letters in the same fashion as the title had been. The cast let out a collective sigh.

There was a pause, which Kaiba broke by demanding, "Do we get to go home now?"

Kiara jerked out of whatever reverie she'd been in and stared blankly at him for a moment. A smile lit up her face as she processed his question, and she shook her head slowly. "Not yet." She turned, and called, "Mokuba! You ready?"

"One hundred percent!" was the cheerful reply, and Kiara's smile widened.

The power suddenly cut.

And turned back on, revealing that the entire hall had been changed into a modern, stylish hall, with a large stage at one end. People sat in chairs all the way to the back of the hall, but the front row was empty. The cast looked out at the audience from their places on the stage, all completely dumbfounded, even Kaiba, who had been granted his human body while the lights had been out.

The audience began to cheer loudly, and each of the cast was suddenly dressed in eveningwear. Kiara shot a thumbs-up to Mokuba, who was standing in the wings, and he joined them on the stage, heading straight for his brother.

A slim, pretty blonde elf in a shining silver dress turned to the tuxedoed, dark-haired elf beside her and smiled prettily. "Well, there they are! The cast themselves! What an _entrance_!"

The crowd cheered even louder, and Kiara shepherded the cast off of the stage, indicating the empty seats to them and sitting down one row behind them. They sat down, and the blonde elf turned to the audience, which quietened down.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen… the Parody Award Ceremony can begin!" she announced gleefully, and Kiara relaxed back in her seat, positively revelling in the confused looks on all of the cast's faces. Except Duke, that is… Typically, Duke was playing to the audience, winking and blowing kisses. Kiara bonked him on the head with her programme to get him to stop and sat back in her seat as the hosts began the ceremony.

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_Didja like it?_

_-sighs- Oh, the romance!_

_Anyway, this is IT, folks. Your very last chance to give me your opinions on which award goes to whom!_

_Best Actor_

_Best Actress_

_Best Supporting Actor_

_Best Supporting Actress_

_Best One-Liners_

_Best Use Of Magic_

_Best Time-Waster_

_Best Banter_

_Best Innocent Look_

_Best Smirk_

_Best Really Really Really Stupid Thing_

_Most Annoying  
Most Bullied_

_Well, go ahead, copy&paste that into your review and fill in who you think should win each award! You can add in any awards you think I've missed out..._

_That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed reading AYGOS as much as I loved writing it!_

_See ya at the Ceremony! XD_

_-straykitty-_


	30. Chapter 30

_Hey everyone... Here we are, at the end. I can hardly believe it. _

Thanks for all the reviews and votes. Y'all rock my socks.

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**Disclaimer: Nuthin'.**

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**"Is everybody ready?" the dark-haired elf called, and then paused with one hand theatrically cupped around his ear to listen to the chorus of assorted yeahs and yeses. "I'm sorry, I _can't hear you_…" 

"YEAH!" roared the audience obediently.

The elf grinned. "Well, Sahi, I think that means it's time to start."

The blonde elf nodded, picking up some speech cards. "And where better to begin than with the first award? The nominees for the Award for Best Really, _Really_ Stupid Thing aaaaare…"

"…Seto Kaiba…"

"_WHAT?_" yelled Seto as his face was projected onto the huge screen behind the elves. Joey and Tristan sniggered.

"…Gliyahadrath… and Ed!"

Ed's picture replaced the large portrait of Gliyahadrath as the carpet waved two of its tassels over each of its 'shoulders', as if to say _thank you, thank you…_

Two large men in black quietly came to stand behind Kaiba, to restrain him if necessary as the screen split into four, three of the sections having footage from cameras trained on the nominees in them. The fourth section was focussed on the two MC elves.

"And now…" said Sahi, beaming at the audience and lifting an envelope into the air. Once the camera had gotten a good long look at it, she passed it to the dark-haired elf.

He cracked open the seal and cleared his throat. "The winner of Best Really, _Really_ Stupid Thing is… ED!"

The square of the screen that contained Ed stretched to fill the whole screen with Ed as he flew down to the stage, doing little cartwheels in the air as he went. Kaiba let out an audible sigh of relief.

The dark-haired elf smiled and shook one of Ed's tassels. "Congratulations, Ed! We'd ask you to say a few words, but under the circumstances…" The audience dutifully tittered. Ed bowed and accepted a small silver trophy from Sahi, which looked suspiciously like an Oscar but for the facts that it was silver, and the figure on it was _definitely_ female. It also appeared to be pulling a tongue.

As Ed flew back to his seat amidst applause, Sahi turned and smiled at her co-host. "Well, Jinan, I suppose this next award is one that we'll never get, eh?"

"Which award is that, Sahi?"

"The Award for Best Banter, of course!" Sahi said, and chuckled. Jinan gave the roof a _why me_ look, making the audience snicker.

"Anyway," Jinan said, plucking the speech cards from Sahi's hands. "The nominees for this award are… Joseph Wheeler and Seto Kaiba…!"

There was a duet of "WHAT?" from Joey and Kaiba, who immediately glared at each other.

"…and Marik Ishtar and YamiBakura…!"

Bakura and Marik exchanged dubious glances. "Banter? _Us_?"

Sahi picked up the envelope before Jinan could get to it and held it up for the cameras to admire as the live-feed of Bakura, Marik, Joey and Seto flickered up onto the screen, with the square showing the envelope in the middle.

"And! The winner! Is!" she announced, pulling the slip of paper out of the envelope. "…Joseph Wheeler and Seto Kaiba!"

The men in black each grabbed a pair of shoulders and frogmarched the winners to the stage. Seto was heard to yell something about a lawyer. Joey was heard just plain yelling.

"Well done!" Jinan said pleasantly, grabbing Seto by the arm and dragging him up to the lectern as Sahi did the same for Joey. The elves' slim arms were apparently a _lot_ stronger than they looked.

"Congrats!" said Sahi, presenting Joey with his trophy, and Janin handed Seto his. "Would the two of you like to say a few – oh." Kiara was busy signally frantically with both hands. Sahi watched her intently for a moment and then smiled brightly at the camera. "I see we haven't time for a speech from these two winners to say their pieces – so let's have a round of applause for our winners, Joseph Wheeler and Seto Kaiba!"

The audience roared its approval. Kiara dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, pausing to wink cheerfully at the winners as they stalked past her.

"Next up…" said Sahi, sneakily slipping the speech cards from Janin's loose grasp as he watched Joey and Seto whispering insults at each other. "We have the Award for the Best Smirk! Let's hear it for our nominees – "

Janin grabbed the cards back. " – Seto Kaiba, Kiara and YamiBakura!"

Kiara looked honestly shocked, and she could be seen on the square of the screen devoted to her mouthing, 'Really? Really, _really_? Me? Gosh!' Kaiba, on the other hand, was leaning back in his chair with a blasé, been-there-done-that look on his face. Bakura was looking inquiringly at the camera, probably wondering if it would be worth stealing.

Sahi lifted the new envelope again. The cameras dutifully filmed it. She lowered her arm and cracked open the seal, pulling out the slip of paper. "And the award goes to… Yami BAKURAAA!"

Bakura raised an eyebrow and got to his feet, sauntering casually to the stage. After accepting the statuette, he simply said, "How remarkable." And then he _smirked_, making the audience go wild. As he sloped off to his seat, his hand crept casually into his pocket and carefully pushed Sahi's bracelets and Janin's cufflinks deeper, into the secret section.

Janin cleared his throat and glanced down at the speech cards. "The next award," he began, as soon as the cheering had died down, "is the Award for Most Annoying."

Sahi carefully slid the cards out of his grip and smiled at the camera. "And the noms are…"

"Weevil Underwood – " said Janin, peering over Sahi's shoulder to read from the cards.

Sahi jerked her shoulder into his chin and continued, still smiling, " – Tea Gardener – "

Tea's mouth dropped open, and an expression of outrage formed on her face.

" – and," finished Janin, massaging his jaw with one hand. "Seto Kaiba!"

In his seat, Seto rolled his eyes theatrically for the camera looking down at him and then pretended to be looking for something in one of his pockets.

"The winner is… Tea Gardener!" declared Jinan with a dramatic wave of his arm that almost decapitated Sahi.

Tea stared blankly at the stage, utter mortification in her eyes. She seemed to be glued to her seat, despite the cheers around her.

"Come on up!" prompted Sahi, her smile getting a glazed quality for a moment as she grabbed Janin's arm and twisted it behind his back.

Another man in black melted into vision and forcibly escorted Tea to the stage. The brunette, obviously snapped out of her shock, began to shriek incoherently at him. He resolved this problem by putting a hand over her mouth. She continued to 'MMF!' at the top of her voice all the rest of the way to the stage, but by the time they reached it, she was worn out, and the man in black removed his hand.

"Thank you," she mumbled, non-too-graciously, upon receiving the statuette, and then pushed Janin out of the way to stand before the microphone. A dreamy smile came onto her face as she silently surveyed the audience. And then she began.

"I'd like to thank the Academy – well, obviously not the Academy in _this_ instant, but whichever body serves in that capacity, thank you. I'd like to thank my mother and father, for always being an inspiration to me. I'd also like to thank my fiancée, Yami Moto – "

There was a strangled yelp from the audience, which Tea ignored, still smiling blissfully.

" – for always just being _there_… and to my **FRIENDS**, who are the **_best_** friends **_ever_**, who went with me through thick and – "

Janin picked Tea up and, in one smooth movement, threw her off the stage. There were cheers from the audience, and one or two asking 'Huh? Is it over yet?', having been roused from a very nice nap by all the clapping.

He grinned at the audience and, dusting his hands off, returned to his place. "Right. Where were we?"

Sahi, grinning equally broadly, looked at the speech cards. "Now it's time for the Award for the Most Bullied."

"For the first time in history," said Janin, and the "Momentous Moment" music began to play in the background, on cue. "This award has been won by someone who managed to secure _every single vote_."

The audience murmured their collective amazement.

"And this man is… the only and only, unanimously Most Bullied, Seto Kaiba!"

_This_ time, the men in black were not needed to get Kaiba up onto the stage. He accepted his award with a fittingly self-deprecating smile, and then took his place at the lectern.

"I don't make speeches," he said, with typical Kaiba charisma (i.e. next-to-none at all). "But I would just like to point out to whoever voted for me that if any of you _hadn't_, I'd be wondering about your mental health. It was fairly obvious." And with that deep, profound thought, he stalked off the stage. Several fan-girls got so excited they swooned, and had to be carried out of the room.

Once this was done, Janin coughed into the microphone, which sounded like a TV that hasn't been tuned yet with the volume on high. Now that he had everyone's attention, he smiled charmingly. "Now then, ladies and gentlemen, shall we move on to the next award?"

"The Award for the Best Innocent Look!" filled in Sahi, stepping forward and onto Janin's toes.

Janin winced and grabbed the speech cards from her. "The nominees are… Ryou Bakura!"

Sahi swiped the cards back. "… and Kiara!"

Janin held up the envelope, making Sahi look like she wanted to jump up and snatch it from him. He brought it down, still holding it out of the way of Sahi, who pouted theatrically.

"And the winner of the award is – "

Sahi elbowed him in the stomach and grabbed the slip of paper with the name on it. She looked at it and then beamed into the camera. "Kiara!"

The camera focussed on Kiara's seat, but it was empty.

"Um, Kiara, where are you?" Sahi asked, her smile slipping.

Kiara peered over her shoulder. "Gosh," she said thoughtfully. "It _is_ me."

Sahi spun around and fell over, Janin catching her before she hit the floor.

Kiara grinned and clapped her hands. Confetti began to fly down from the ceiling. "I'd like to thank… my _goldfish_, and my _turtle_!" she yelled, waving her statuette. After a pause, she continued in a more-or-less normal voice, "Even though I don't _have_ a goldfish or a turtle… I'd just always wanted to say that!"

She grinned, winked, and skipped merrily off the stage, humming _The Lame Song_. At the edge of the stage she stopped and blew the audience a kiss, before proceeding in a slightly decorous fashion to her seat.

Sahi, after looking into a little hand-mirror and fiddling with her hair until it was perfect again, cleared her throat and said, "On with the show, then. The next award is the Award for the Best Time-Waster!"

"And the nominees _are_…"

"YamiBakura! Weevil Underwood – gosh, is he related to Carrie?" Janin poked Sahi, who coughed and muttered, "Okay, never mind that!" before continuing, "Aaaaand…. the Sisters of Darkness and Ligt!"

The audience snickered. Kiara smacked her forehead. Janin whispered something in Sahi's ear.

"Oh, sorry," the blonde said cheerily, beaming again. "Just a typo. The Sisters of Darkness and _Light_!"

Janin relieved her of the envelope and, after holding it up for the camera, opened it and tipped the piece of paper into his hand. "The winner is… Carrie – no, sorry, bad joke there – _Weevil_ Underwood!"

Confused sections of the audience applauded, while the rest sniggered. Weevil got up and walked onto the stage, muttering curses.

Sahi treated him to a dazzling smile. "Congratulations, Weevil… I _think_…"

"Wsgfrg…" was all Weevil could come up with. He looked like he'd just seen a particularly rare bug, or some such thing.

"Would you like to say anything?" Sahi asked gently, handing him the award.

Weevil looked at the award, and then up at Sahi. "Gshhplg…"

"I _meant_," said Sahi, with a long-suffering expression, "in English, or at least in a recognisable language."

Weevil opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then shrugged and bowed to the audience before getting off of the stage.

Janin took his fist out of his mouth and composed himself. "Right, ahem." He grabbed the speech cards and glanced down at them. "And now, the Award for Best One-Liners!"

"The nominees are…" Sahi snatched the cards from him. "…Seto Kaiba!"

Janin very calmly pried Sahi's fingers off of the cards and smiled at the camera. "… YamiBakura… and… Kiara!"

"I _so_ _own_ this one!" Kiara grinned, staring expectantly at the envelope on the screen as Sahi's long fingers broke the seal and turned it over, tipping out the piece of paper.

"The winner…" Sahi began, drumming her fingers on the microphone to create a loud, whoosh-y drumroll effect. "Is…"

Janin grabbed it and called out, "Yami… Ba_kura_!"

Bakura looked startled as his image filled the screen. "Me?"

"Yes, you!" Ryou pushed him up, out of his seat, beaming with pride. Kiara glared at the two and pouted.

Bakura looked around at the cheering crowd, and then smirked. He gave the crowd a sweeping bow, and then made his way to the stage. Once there, he gently pried the statuette out of Janin's hands, gave Sahi a kiss on the cheek, and walked up to the microphone.

"I'd just like to say," he said, to the suddenly silent audience, "that I'm so glad it's finally official." And with that, he swaggered back to his seat, with the cheers of the audience ringing in his ears.

Sahi came unglued and cleared her throat. "Er, right… onwards!"

"Onwards ever, backwards _never_!" said Janin, taking on a British accent. Sahi smacked her forehead and sighed quietly. The dark-haired elf took this opportunity to relieve her of the speech cards.

"Right," he said, grinning at the camera. "The next category is that of Best Use of Magic! The nominees are… Kiara! Marik Ishtar! And… Seto Kaiba!"

Marik blinked blankly for a moment, and then leaned over to whisper a question into Ishizu's ear. His sister shrugged and smiled at him.

Sahi snatched the envelope from its perch before Janin's hand was even halfway there, and held it up triumphantly. As the camera zoomed in, the curly writing on the envelope – the same script that had been on all of them – became legible. It said 'Best Use of Magic, yo!' It has yet to be discovered why the 'yo' was added.

Sahi slit the envelope open and pulled the slip of paper out. "The winner… is…" She paused dramatically to look up at the three nominees on the screen, and then finally finished. "…Kiara!"

"OH MY HECKLINGNESS!" Kiara yelled, leaping into the air and pin-wheeling her arms wildly and grinning so widely that she was almost splitting her face in half.

She raced up the stairs and onto the stage, jumping around and yelling incoherently at the top of her voice. Janin, crouched behind the podium with Sahi to avoid being knocked out by Kiara's wildly flailing arms, held out the statuette. Kiara grabbed it as she bounced past, and then landed in the middle of the stage. "Let me hear you – whoop, whoop!" she called.

"Whoop, whoop!" yelled the audience obediently.

Laughing and hugging her statuette, Kiara skipped off the stage, occasionally giving random audience members high-fives.

"Ahem." Sahi crawled out of her impromptu shelter and got to her feet. She spotted the speech cards lying a little way away the same time as Janin did, and the two dived for them, clawing at each other in their bid to reach the cards first.

Janin won. Smirking at the pouting Sahi, he reshuffled the cards into order. "And now… the Awards you've all been waiting for…"

"Starting with – " said Sahi, making a grab for the cards.

Janin lifted them out of reach and continued her sentence for her. " – Best Supporting Actress!"

"The nominees are…" said Sahi, trying to slip the cards out of Janin's grasp.

Janin smacked her on the hand with them and smiled winningly at the camera. "Serenity Wheeler…"

There was a muted cry of surprised happiness, followed by a cheer of brotherly support.

"…Tea Gardener…"

Tea leaped to her feet, waving her previous statuette, and turned to bow to the applauding audience.

"… _and_… Ryou Baku – no, wait… Sorry, Ishizu Ishtar!"

Bakura leapt to his feet and glared at the hosts. "Hey, you leave him alone!"

"That's just… so sweet…" Kiara blew her nose with a loud parping noise.

Bakura shifted his glare to her, sitting down. Ryou gave him a guarded, yet grateful look.

Sahi grabbed the envelope, and stuck her tongue out at Janin before turning and smiling prettily for the camera. "And… the winner is…"

Janin pulled the piece of paper from her hand and read into the microphone. "Miss Tea Gardener!"

"**_WHAT_**?"

That last was a chorus, consisting of Marik, Seto and Kiara.

Tea glared at them. "I _heard_ that!" she muttered grimly, and then strode to the stage to receive her statuette from Janin.

Marik and Kiara immediately assumed identical innocent looks. Seto snorted and rolled his eyes, muttering something about the 'joys of democracy'.

Tea once again stood behind the podium, tears streaming from her eyes, but before she could say anything, the hosts took evasive action. A hook suddenly appeared around Tea's waist, pulling her off the stage. The audience cheered.

Sahi strutted back onto the stage, speech cards held firmly in her hand. She paused, and then shifted her features back into a dazzling smile. "Next up – the Best Supporting Actor!"

Janin sighed and waved a hand at her. "Go on."

Smiling smugly, Sahi nodded and looked directly into the camera. "The nominees are… Yugi Moto! Ryou Bakura! _And_… YamiYugi!"

As she reached for the envelope, still smiling smugly, she looked down at the place where the envelope was supposed to be. Her smile slipped; the envelope was _not there_.

"And the winner is…" said Janin, grinning impishly as he sat in a swing above Sahi's head. Sahi yelped in surprise and then glowered at him. Janin's expression was beatific. "…Yami! Yugi!"

"YEAH!" shouted Yugi, clapping madly. Yami got to his feet, bowed solemnly to the cheering, clapping audience, and then made his way to the stage, a grin lighting up his face.

Janin leapt from his swing and landed in a crouch on the stage in front of Sahi. He straightened and held out a hand for Yami to shake. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," said Yami, taking the statuette from Sahi and accepting, with a light blush, a kiss on the cheek, and shaking Janin's hand with his free hand.

He stepped up to the microphone and smiled down at the audience. He cleared his throat and grinned. "I'd just like to say… IN your _FACE_, Bakura!" He lifted his statuette into the air as the audience, once again, exploded into applause. Yami strutted off of the stage, waving to what he would refer later to as his 'adoring public'.

"Right," said Sahi, yanking on the speech cards in Janin's hands.

He watched her for a few moments, and then, with a grin, let go. Sahi went flying, propelled by her own force of movement. Cards flew everywhere.

Janin held out a hand and a card jumped into it. He glanced at it and then smiled at the audience. "And now… the Award for Best Actress."

The audience went silent, as though someone had pushed their collective 'mute' button.

The Making History music came on. "The votes came in… and the choice was undisputed. The winner of Best Actress is… Mai Valentine!"

Mai let out a loud squeal of delight, and sprang to her feet, hugging Serenity and being clapped on the back by Tristan. She jogged up onto the stage and beamed, utterly speechless, at the two hosts. Sahi gave her a hug and kissed her cheek before handing over the gold statuette.

Janin gently propelled her over to the microphone.

"Gosh, I, er," she stammered, hugging her statuette. "Wow! What an honour! Thank you!"

Janin smiled as the audience responded, leading Mai to stand a little way away.

Sahi turned over to the next speech card and smiled. "And last, but most _certainly_ not least… the Award for Best Actor!" She turned to look directly into the camera. "The nominees are… Joseph Wheeler… and YamiBakura!"

The camera focussed on the blonde and white-haired teens. Bakura surreptitiously patted his hair, making Kiara snicker.

"The winner is…" said Sahi, lowering her voice dramatically.

Janin tore open the envelope. "… Joseph Wheeler!"

There was an excited yell from Joey, and he and Tristan performed a quick victory dance in the aisle, before he ran up to the stage, slapping people's hands on the way.

He shook Janin's hand, and accepted the golden statuette, grinning like an idiot. Sahi steered him towards the microphone, and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Geez, I wish I'd been given notice," he said. "I'm hopeless at speech making, much less imp-pronto or whatever."

"Impromptu!" corrected Kiara helpfully, making the audience titter.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Thanks," he said sarcastically, making the audience titter again. Looking brighter, and less nervous, he grinned. "Well, I don't want to bore you guys with a silly speech thanking everyone from my mom to my…" he winked at Kiara. "…goldfish, but I'd just liked to say thanks to our director, Kiara, and to all you guys on the cast. It was extremely weird and totally random, but what the hey! It was fun! So thanks!"

He walked away and went to go congratulate Mai. As the camera swung around to film them, the two suddenly leaned in and kissed.

The audience went _ape_, with screaming of encouragement, some general shouting, and applauding.

Kiara ticked something off on her list with a very self-satisfied smile on her face, and then tucked her notepad back into a convenient rip in the time-space continuum.

Joey and Mai broke apart, both becoming flushed at the unexpected attention. They hurried back to their seats, avoiding everyone's eyes.

Sahi and Janin grinned at each other. "Well," they said together. "That about wraps up tonight's events. Would the cast and director please make their way up onto the stage?"

The cast trooped up onto the stage, with Kiara right behind. She walked over to Sahi and Janin, and had a brief conversation with them. Then the two of them faded into the background, and Kiara stepped forward.

"I hope you enjoyed Aladdin, YGO Style as much as I did," she said, grinning. "But now, I'm afraid, it's time to say goodbye…"

She turned, beginning to sing _Hard to Say Goodbye, My Love_ from Dreamgirls, and waved a hand at the cast. They froze, and then shimmered out of sight.

Kiara finished the song and sighed, looking around the suddenly empty auditorium. "Well," she said, apparently talking to the ceiling. "That was fun. Thank you."

* * *

_That WAS fun... -grins-_

_Anyway, be on the look out for the next one... Sleeping Beauty, YGO Style!!_

_:meow:  
straykitty (who else?)_


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